


Sirius Black Oneshots

by Hermioneshandbag (Obscurilicious)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Marauders' Era, Post-Sirius Black in Azkaban, Sirius Black Free from Azkaban, Sirius Black Lives, sirius black - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-29
Updated: 2018-11-18
Packaged: 2019-07-20 08:07:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 28
Words: 78,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16133153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obscurilicious/pseuds/Hermioneshandbag
Summary: One shots with Sirius Black and Reader relationships, all eras.





	1. I See You

_I see you, Sirius Black._

_Not just the handsome boy who can charm his way into any girl’s heart, but the sweet boy who never lets any of those girls come close to his own heart because he’s afraid of rejection._

_Not just the prankster  who takes too many chances, but the boy who pranks the bullies who pick on firsties.  
_

_Not just the smart aleck who tends to mouth off in class when he’s bored, but the smart boy who helps other people with homework when they get stuck._

_Not just the party boy who throws the best quidditch celebrations (or memorials, as appropriate,) but also as the one who watches to make sure that younger kids don’t get into the booze or that anyone who has had a bit too much doesn’t get into trouble._

_Not just the clown who tells jokes to cheer a mate when they’re having a bad day, but the boy underneath who never lets anyone see when he’s having a bad day himself._

_Your smile lights up the room more than a thousand candles._

_Your eyes shine brighter than the stars at night._

_When you laugh, I automatically smile. I could be having the worst day ever and still smile when I hear it._

_Your loyalty to your friends warms my heart._

_I see you, Sirius Black, and I think you’re wonderful._

_Happy Christmas._

_Warmest of regards, always._

* * *

 

 

“What have you got there, Padfoot?” James asked.

“Hmm?” Sirius said, quickly folding the parchment and sticking it in his pocket.

“What were you reading?” he asked again.

“Oh just,” Sirius muttered.

Peter piped in and said, “Another love letter, Pads? Toss the extras my way, will ya?”

Remus didn’t comment, but Sirius knew that he would be the one to see his distraction, and so put it out of his head for the moment.

But who had written it?

It must be someone from his House. Must be the same year to have seen him in class.

“Pads!” James said, snapping his fingers in front of Sirius’ face.

“Sorry, sorry. Bit distracted,” he said with a wide smile to convince James that he was back with him and paying attention.

“Anyway, Mum said in her letter that we can go to that concert if there are still tickets available.”

“Cool,” Sirius answered, his fingers drifting to his pocket to hold the note he had found under his pillow last night when he went to sleep. Definitely someone in his House, then.

“She also said that the orgy afterwards is fine as long as we’re home by curfew.”

“Groovy,” Sirius answered. It seemed like a girl’s handwriting. Had he seen it before?

“She said she was poisoning one of the Christmas crackers, so you’ll want to be careful of that,” James added with a smirk.

“Course,” Sirius answered. Had he ever seen anyone pay so much attention to him? Not to pat his own back, but he did have a lot of girls who noticed him. He just never noticed anyone truly seeing him before. Honestly, the only people who saw him this clearly should be one of his three best mates. Or Minnie. But that’s not who it was. Probably. She’d be more direct.

“Did the camel for Christmas dinner arrive yet?” Remus joined in.

“Not yet, and Mum is a little worried because apparently camel needs to marinate for several hours or the meat is too tough to chew. Right, Sirius? Nothing worse than tough camel, eh?” James responded.

“Bloody awful,” he agreed. Could it be Mary? Not Marlene. Definitely not Lily. Alice seemed to really love Frank. Y/N? No, you’d never looked at him twice and barely spoken to him in five and a half years of school together, no matter how many times he had tried. His crush on you seemed to be completely unrequited. It could be someone from another House, he supposed.

“Who’s the note from, Padfoot?” Remus asked.

“I don’t know, it’s not signed and it’s driving me mental!” he exclaimed without thinking.

All three boys started laughing and Sirius sorted through the half-heard conversation and realized the things they had been saying. “You lot are hilarious,” he said with a scowl.

“Let us see the note, mate,” James said.

“No!” he snapped, then took a deep breath. “No, it’s…personal. It’s meant for me.”

“All right, all right,” James grumbled. “I want to go see if Evans liked her gift. Anybody coming with me?”

“I will,” Peter squeaked.

Sirius and Remus sat in silence for a moment. Then Remus said, “I know it’s personal, but you seem almost shaken by what it says. Are you all right?”

“It’s actually a little disturbing,” he began, looking up at Remus and seeing you sitting across the room and meeting your eyes. Did you blush a bit before you looked down at your book?

“What is?” Remus asked. “Sirius?”

“Merlin,” he breathed. “Y/N.”

“Yes,” Remus said slowly as if to a dull-witted child, “that is indeed Y/N.”

“She blushed.”

 

Just then you flicked your eyes up from your book and saw that he was still looking at you. Merlin, he knew. How did he know? You nonchalantly stood and went up the steps in a composed manner, escaping to your dorm. When you entered the room you leaned against the door, book clutched in your shaking hands and pressed against your racing heart.

It wasn’t a declaration of love. It was just an expression of admiration. It would be silly to say you loved him when you had barely had a conversation in all the years you had known each other. You were simply unable to speak in his presence. Whenever he was near you, your shoes became inordinately interesting, so he probably thought you were a halfwit.

But Godric, the way he had looked at you just now! His eyes were smoldering with curiosity, and he was almost able to work a confession out of you from across the room. You had to leave before you blurted out your… admiration, right.

Alice looked up from her packing in surprise. “What’s happened?” she asked, assuming something was wrong from your out-of-character behavior.

“Nothing!” you squeaked. “Nothing’s happened. Why would something have happened?”

“Yeah, all right,” she said, clearly skeptical.

“You all packed?” you asked, trying to change the subject.

“Yeah,” she said, going along with it. “You sure you don’t want to come home with me? I hate to think of you all alone at Christmas.”

You looked at your dearest friend and smiled. All of your roommates were close after five and a half years together, but Alice was just the sweetest soul. “I’ll be fine. I don’t want to intrude on your family.”

“My family all love you, ya dunce. But suit yourself. I wish you’d change your mind though.”

“I’ll be fine. Looking forward to some sleep without Marlene’s snoring, truth to be told,” you said with a grin.

“Too bad Prince Charming isn’t staying behind, eh?” Alice asked in a teasing manner.

“Hush!”

“Merlin, Y/N, we’re all alone! Nobody else will hear of your undying love for Sirius Black.”

“I don’t love him! I…admire him. He’s a fine fellow.”

Alice snorted trying to hold in a laugh, then gave up and guffawed. “A fine fellow? Are you 16 or 116? Is he also a splendid chap?”

“Ugh,” you said, realizing you were still leaning against the door and walking over to drop dramatically onto your bed. “You enjoy taking the piss out of me, don’t you?”

“Well, yeah, that’s what best mates are for. Silly goose.”

“Right, I s’pose so,” you said with a chuckle.

“I need to go find Frank. I have a gift for him,” she said with a sly smile.

“Ick. I do not need details.”

“You’ll stop hearing about my love life when you find your spine and go get one of your own!” she said jauntily as she sailed out of the room to find her boyfriend.

* * *

“Alice!” Sirius called when your roommate came into the common room in search of Frank.

“Hullo, Sirius. Have you seen Frank about?”

“No, actually, but I was wondering if Y/N was coming back down tonight?”

Alice was slightly taken off guard, and wondered now if something had happened between the two of you to have Sirius asking after you. “Dunno, actually. Usually not once she comes up for the night. Gets wrapped up in a book or some such.”

“Ah, yeah all right. I reckon I can see her on the train tomorrow,” he answered, slightly disappointed.

“Well…no, actually, she’s staying back for holiday. Her parents are on the other side of the world.”

“What?” Sirius exclaimed.

Alice looked at Sirius as if he had taken leave of his senses. Perhaps he had. “She’s staying here,” she repeated.

“Right. Thanks,” Sirius said with a polite smile, trying to cover for his lost composure.

As soon as Alice left the common room, Sirius raced to his room to find the map and hunt down James. Seemed his holiday plans were changing.

* * *

Sirius tracked James down in the Great Hall attempting to talk to Lily. Pulling him aside, he said, “Look, I’m gonna stay back here for Christmas.”

“What?” James practically yelled. “Mum will go spare, Padfoot. Why would you want to stay back?”

Sirius looked around to see if people we’re staring, then jerked his head to get James to follow him out of the Great Hall. Taking the already worn parchment from his pocket, Sirius reluctantly handed it to James to read.

“Wow,” James said after he read it. “That’s something, mate. But what’s it got to do with you staying here?”

“Y/N is staying back,” he answered, a little embarrassed.

“You think she wrote this?” James asked, eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“I kinda think…yeah, she blushed when I looked at her earlier. I think she might’ve.”

“And either way, you have a few weeks to try and charm the girl of your dreams,” James stated matter-of-factly. “Want me to stay back, too?”

“Nah, Mum really would go spare then. Go get spoiled and eat for both of us, yeah?”

“Yeah, will do.”

* * *

You had stayed in your room while everyone had thrown their last minute items into their bags and hugged you goodbye. You had exchanged gifts the night before so you had two new books, a pile of candy and a cozy new blanket to keep you for the holiday. Your parents had sent you presents but you were under strictest orders not to open them until Christmas.

You had taken a nap and then grabbed one of your new books and your blanket to head down and read by the fire in the common room. When you made your way down the stairs in your slippers, you were surprised to see the back of a very familiar head on the couch. You stopped dead in your tracks and turned to run back to your room.

What in Merlin’s saggy underdrawers was Sirius doing here? He had been spending holidays with James since before he ran away from home, why would he stay back now? What were you going to do, stay in your room for the entire holiday? You had books, candy, some random biscuits and access to the loo…you supposed you could survive.

Why had he stayed back?

* * *

Had Alice been mistaken, or had she deliberately lied? Was Y/N really still at Hogwarts? Sirius had been sitting in the common room since everyone else had gone down to the coaches, and he had seen neither hide nor hair of you.

He wished he had grabbed the map when he had gone up to use the loo. Perhaps he had missed you in the crush of people anxious to be away for the break? Maybe you had been roaming the school all day while he had been here trying very very hard not to turn and stare at the stairway, waiting to see you come down.

Worst case scenario you would have to come down to eat eventually…right?

* * *

You stayed in your room until after 1 am. Then you sneaked down the stairs intending to go on a food raid to the kitchens. When you got to the turn of the steps, you peeked around to see if anyone was about, but it appeared that the coast was clear. You came the rest of the way down and headed to the portrait hole.

“Hi,” said a voice softly.

You shrieked. You jumped. You pulled your wand and looked around for a murderer or death eater. Then you realized that the sleep-husky voice was that of Sirius, who had apparently been dozing on the sofa that faced away from the stairs.

“Sorry, sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you!” he said, hands up placatingly. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

You stared dumbly at Sirius for a moment, completely at a loss for words or actions. When you finally opened your mouth to speak, all that came out was, “Eep. Ah. Oh!” And then you ran for the stairs and safety.

“Y/N, wait, please!” he said, wanting to follow you but not wanting to terrify you any more than he had already. “I see you!”

You stopped dead, turning around to look at him, tears welling in your eyes.

“I see you, Y/N Y/L/N.

“I see how you are kind to everyone, every day, no matter what.

“I see how you wait to raise your hand when you know the answer so that someone else can get points for our House, so they can have that feeling of pride and accomplishment.”

Sirius took a step toward you and continued, “I see how you’ve known about Remus for almost as long as I have, yet you’ve always been kind to him. How you’ve taken notes for him and helped him catch up in potions.

“I see how you help younger students find their way around the library, setting your own studies back.”

He took a few more steps, slowly making  his way over to you. “I see how you’re kind to Hagrid, and how he shares his menagerie with you.

“I see how your eyes light up when you smile, and how dreamy your eyes get when you’re reading The Hobbit, which you must have read at least a dozen times by now.”

He was standing in front of you now. “I see how you’re definitely not a morning person, and how you take your tea with milk and sugar, not honey.

“I see that you have a temper.

“I see how beautiful your smile is.

“I see how kind you are to everyone.

“I see you, Y/N, and I think you are magnificent, and even if you didn’t write me the letter, I do not regret telling you this at all. Seeing you every day is a gift, and even if you actually hate me as I’ve suspected for years, I still want you to know that I think you’re marvelous.”

You were utterly speechless. This was actually a dream come true, and you could not come up with a single word. You could see Sirius’ determination faltering; the toll that waiting for a response was taking on him. And you found words, because more than anything, you would never want to hurt him.

“I adore you, Sirius, and have for years. How could I hate you? You are the very best part of my day.”

Sirius looked relieved, releasing the breath he didn’t even realize he had been holding. He held out his hand, hoping you would join him by the fire.

You took his hand, but pulled him to the portrait hole. “Come with me to the kitchen? I’ve been starving myself hiding from you all day,” you said with a laugh.

“Knew I could wait you out,” he said smugly. “Oldest siege trick in the book.”

“Oh, you were laying siege to my dorm, eh?”

“Nay, my Lady,” he said dramatically, dropping to one knee and dropping a kiss to the back of your hand in a very Sirius show of courtly love. “I was laying siege to thine heart.”

“Get up, you berk,” you laughed. “You’ve had m’heart for years.”

“Then never shall I let you go, my queen, for I have waited years to be able to say that thine heart is mine, as mine is thine.”

“If I kiss you, will you stop talking like that?” you asked with a laugh.

Sirius hopped to his feet. “That sounds like a very fair deal, my queen,” he said with his patented smirk before he leaned forward and touched his lips against yours.

It was merely a brush, but you felt sparks fly between you. A bit of a shiver ran through you and you felt like you were about to ride a broom made entirely of lightning.

“Snacks and stay up talking? Perhaps the odd cuddle?” you suggested.

“Perfect,” Sirius said with a wide, happy smile.

You left the common room and headed quietly down the hall before Sirius spun you into a small alcove to avoid Filch. You hid quietly for a moment, snugly held against Sirius’ chest, then when the danger was past, Sirius said with a naughty smirk, “Filch is gone, but we should probably stay here a while longer just in case.”

You stood on tiptoes to peck his lips. “We don’t have to hide from Filch to cuddle, Sirius.”

“I know you said your heart is mine, but does that mean you’re my girlfriend?” he asked, adorably uncertain.

“That depends,” you answered, giving him a squeeze.

“On what?” he asked with a smile.

“Does that mean I can kiss you any time I want?”

“Absolutely. In fact, it is extremely encouraged,” he said with his smug smirk back in place.

“In that case, I am absolutely your girlfriend.”

“I am absolutely your boyfriend. And absolutely crazy about you,” he answered, leaning down for a deeper kiss.

After a kiss that made you both a bit lightheaded, you smiled in pure joy and said, “I think this is going to be a wonderful Christmas.”

“I already got the best gift ever,” he said with a smile, pulling you close for another kiss.


	2. Serendipity

Sirius was in a dead sprint. He didn’t know if his  _life_  was precisely in danger, but the pack of Slytherins chasing him after they caught him right outside their common room setting a rather elaborate prank for them did not intend to offer him tea.

You were just minding your own business. The library had closed and your grumbling stomach reminded you that you had missed dinner. So, you decided to sneak down to the kitchens and sweet talk a snack out of the house elves.

So when you turned the corner and ran smack into Sirius Black going full-tilt, you wound up on your ass, and then Sirius Black was laying on top of you.

Not a terrible prospect as males laying on you go, but getting the wind knocked out of you by a trouble-making teen was not on your evening agenda.

“Get off me, you bloody baboon!” you growled at him.

“Hello, Y/L/N. Can’t say I haven’t imagined myself here a few times but,” he said as he hopped to his feet, “unfortunately this is no time for romance. Run!”

“What the – why would I run?”

Sirius turned his head as the sound of a stampeding feet, pulled you to your feet and tossed you over his shoulder and started running again.

“What the – Sirius Black, put me down!”

“Sorry, love. You’re a Gryffindor and that’s a pack of pissed off Slytherin. I would be irresponsible if I put you down.”

“So you’d be – oof – like every other day?” you said as he bounced you around on his shoulder.

“Darling I’m a bit busy for flirty banter right now,” he huffed.

“I am not  _flirting_  – ugh –” you said after he started running down a flight of steps, “you tremendous ass!”

“Did you say I have a tremendous ass? I never knew you cared.”

You started struggling, not caring at this point if it got you caught.

Sirius never slowed his pace but smacked you across your backside. “Hold still or you’ll get us both caught.”

Sirius ducked behind a tapestry that you never knew hid a tunnel and slid you down his front to stand on your own feet again, then flipped you around and pressed your back to his chest and covered your mouth with his hand.

He rested his chin on your shoulder and caught his breath for a moment, then whispered by your ear, “I am sorry I dragged you into this, but these particular psychos are all Junior Death Eaters and I wouldn’t want to be the reason you crossed their path while they were lusting for blood. So if I take my hand off, will you be quiet?”

You nodded your head and he removed his hand, but simply lowered it to use both arms to hold you close instead of just one.

“You’re really quite lovely, why have we never gone out?” he whispered, snuggling up behind you for a standing cuddle, his breathing evened out.

“Well, to begin with, you never asked me as we barely speak, and to be honest, you’re not my type,” you whispered back.

“You sure about that, love? Because you are absolutely my type,” he said as he began kissing your neck lightly.

“That is so flattering that after knowing each other for nearly seven years it is occurring to you that I am your type,” you whispered, elbowing him in the stomach.

Sirius coughed as your elbow met his gut, causing you both to stiffen and look toward the strip of light under the tapestry. He tightened one arm around you and got his wand out as there was a scuffing sound. You pressed back against him and retrieved your own wand, unconsciously holding the arm wrapped around you.

The scuffing sound turned into footsteps and a shadow slowly passed in front of the tapestry. Then you heard a muffled voice from farther down the corridor and the shadow passed more quickly back the way they had come from.

You both let out a sigh of relief. “We should stay here a while longer to make sure they gave up,” he murmured, his mouth still near your ear and his breath warm on your neck. “Whatever shall we do?”

“Practice hand-to-hand combat in close quarters?” you said quietly, attempting to extract yourself from his embrace. “Merlin, you’re like a giant piece of spello tape! Let go of me!”

Sirius chuckled and stepped back, releasing you from the circle of his arms.

“So,” you said uncomfortably, “how long d’you reckon we have to stay here?”

“A few hours at the most,” he said with a straight face.

“That’s utter codswallop. I am not spending hours with you in a freezing hole in the wall.”

“I can warm you up, love,” he said with a wink.

“Ugh. Honestly, Black, literally falling over a girl and then hitting on her is not remotely attractive. I know you’re used to girls falling for this whole…Romeo…thing….you work so hard to be, but I prefer to be around people who aren’t caricatures.”

“Did you just call me a caricature?” Sirius said, irritated.

“Pretty sure I did, yeah,” you answered, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Would you like to know what I think of you?”

“Nope,” you said with great certainty.

“Well, I think I’ll tell you anyway.”

“Brilliant. Can’t think of a thing I’d rather be doing than listen to a vapid twit’s opinion of me.”

“Now I’m a vapid twit caricature? Darling, you do have a lovely vocabulary.”

“Well, that was painless,” you said, acting like his comment on your vocabulary was his opinion of you.

“Sorry, sweets, that’s not all.”

“Oh no,” you said in a monotone. “However shall I go on if you don’t think fondly of me?”

“You’re like a poisonous flower. Beautiful to look at but deadly to touch.”

“Really? You got all that from tonight’s little adventure?” you said, moderately insulted.

“No, this is nearly seven years of observation. The general consensus among the male population at Hogwarts is that you’re pretty enough, but then you always have to open your mouth and spoil it.”

You gasped.

“Oh, that’s not the half of it. The ones who were brave enough to actually ask you out said your tongue was so sharp they didn’t need to shave for a week after you turned them down.

“And those few poor bastards who actually went out with you said that getting past the sharp tongue just got them closer to the deep freeze that is you, Ice Princess.

“So go ahead and call me a vapid caricature, but at least I don’t have to thaw my arse to change my unmentionables,” Sirius finished his rant.

Then he heard a sniff. Shit.

“Y/N?”

No answer.

“Hey…I’m sorry.”

You went over to the tapestry and peeked around the edge. Satisfied that no one was laying in wait, you stepped out and started walking to the Gryffindor common room.

“Y/N, come back!”

“They’re not looking for me,” you said without looking back.

“Bollocks,” Sirius muttered, following you.

“Hey,” he said, grabbing your arm to stop you. You refused to look at him. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said all that.”

“No, I know it’s true,” you said softly. “Knowing it’s true doesn’t make it more pleasant to hear, though.”

You pulled your arm out of his grip and went on your way back to the common room, a snack no longer as appealing as your pillow.

* * *

 

Sirius felt like an utter cad. How many times had Moony told him to think before he runs his big mouth? Some day maybe he would grow up and quit acting without considering the consequences of his dumbass exploits. And now he had made you cry.

The truth was, Sirius had liked you for a while but had been too intimidated to attempt to ask you out. Your reputation really did precede you, though certainly not to the extent that Sirius had said. He knew that some of the boys who had asked you out and then dragged you when you said no were right arses, and the Ice Princess nickname can get stuck on any girl simply if she wouldn’t put out.

Of course you were less than pleased to find yourself thrown over his shoulder like a side of beef and bounced around running from trouble of his making. And then he had hit on you. Your attitude tonight was to be expected, really.

Merlin, would he ever learn?

* * *

 

You woke up the next morning just knowing it was going to be a crap day. Your run in with Sirius Black had left you sore – your body from being knocked on your arse and thrown around like a quaffle, and your ego and feelings from hearing what the apparent opinion of Hogwarts was of you.

You decided that you weren’t up to facing the Great Hall for breakfast and decided to follow through on your thwarted plan to go to the kitchens and beg food from the house elves.

And of course Black was in the common room after everyone else had gone off to breakfast.

“Good morning,” he said hesitantly.

“Black,” you greeted him with a curt nod. Why bother with niceties when apparently everyone already thought you were a giant frosty bitch?

Sirius hurried to follow you through the portrait hole when it became clear you weren’t going to stop to chat with him.

“I really want to apologize for everything last night.”

“All right, go ahead,” you said coolly.

“I…I just did.”

“No, you said you wanted to.”

“You’re being deliberately difficult,” he said with narrowed eyes.

Your smile was so sharp you could have sliced bread with it. “Isn’t that just who I am? Sharp-tongued Ice Princess, at your service,” you said with a brief curtsy.

“People don’t talk about you like that,” he said.

“Except they do. I have no doubt that the ones who have asked me out have dragged me when I say no.”

Sirius sighed but didn’t disagree.

“And the ones I went out with and didn’t immediately drop my knickers for spread that I’m a freeze queen, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said reluctantly.

“So we both know to whom we’re speaking. Brilliant. May I go now?”

“Y’know, you’re not giving me any more of a chance than any of them gave you.”  

“Have I hurt your feelings, Black?”

“A little, yeah.”

“I will alert the Daily Prophet that you have some, then.”

“Look, can we start over?”

“Why?”

“Because you’re pretty and smart and if it wasn’t aimed at me I’d think your snark was hilarious. So, maybe you can give me a chance to show you I can be more than a vapid caricature,” he said with a charming smile.

You looked at him to attempt to guage his sincerity, the sighed. “Yeah, alright,” you said uncertainly.

Sirius held out his hand and said, “Sirius Black. Delighted to meet you.”

You took his hand and said, “Y/N Y/L/N. The pleasure is mine.”

Sirius held on to your hand and bent over it, dropping a quick kiss to the back of it. “Would you do me the honor of accompanying me to the Great Hall for breakfast?”

“The honor would be mine,” you said formally.

Sirius held out his arm and you took it and the two of you promenaded to the Great Hall as if to a ball.

* * *

“My lady, would you dine with me?” he said as he led you to where his friends were seated.

“Are you sure?” you whispered. “People will think we’re dating or something.”

“We are,” he whispered.

“Dating? I missed that part.”

“We’re something,” he answered with a wink as you arrived at the table with Sirius’ roommates.

“Hello, Y/N. What are you doing with this reprobate?” Remus asked with a smile.

“Apparently I am having breakfast with him,” you said, returning Remus’ smile.

You sat down next to Remus since you knew him best, and Sirius budged Peter over so that he could sit next to you.

Remus raised his eyebrows at Sirius over your head, but Sirius ignored him. He then attempted small talk, which Sirius interrupted frequently.

When it was nearly time to head to class, Sirius said, “Well, see you later, Moony.”

“Sirius, we have the same –”

“We can talk about it later.”

“Ooookay,” Remus said, puzzled at his friend’s behavior. “Y/N, it was lovely talking to you.”

“You, too, Remus,” you said with a smile.

“Come on, Y/N, I’ll walk you to class,” Sirius said with a hint of impatience.

“If you’re in such a hurry I am completely capable of walking to class on my own, Black,” you snarked back at him, getting up from the table to follow Sirius.

“I just didn’t realize you knew Moony so well, is all,” he muttered after a moment, walking next to you to your class.

“Is that a bad thing?” you asked, puzzled.

“No. Yes. Look, you said I wasn’t your type, so if Remus is your type I have no chance at all here so…” he babbled, then looked helplessly at you, embarrassed at his outburst.

You smiled, stood on tiptoes and whispered, “Wanna hear a secret?”

Sirius leaned back and looked at you suspiciously. “Yeah, alright,” he said quietly.

You put your hands on his shoulders and leaned against him and said into his ear, “My type seems to be a tall, dark-haired guy with gray eyes and a tremendous ass.”

Sirius leaned back to look at you, saw that you meant your words and smiled happily. He wrapped his arms around you and kissed you, first gently and then a little more passionately. When he leaned away from you he said, “I knew you were checking out my bum.”

You laughed and kissed him quickly, then said, “I’m really happy you knocked me on my arse last night, Sirius.”

“Only fair,” he said, dropping a kiss to your forehead. “You knocked me on mine years ago.”


	3. Truth or Spin the Bottle

“Y/N!!! Come over here and join us,” Lily called out drunkenly.

You were returning from a study group in Ravenclaw tower. Not the most fun on a Friday night, perhaps, but you needed the help in Potions and your cousin’s group had really helped you. Unfortunately, your cousin was a lot more studious than you and to keep your spot in the group you had to be as dedicated as the rest of them. So, generally speaking, your social life was non-existent.

You smiled at your tipsy friend. Lily always tried to include you. Even though she had started dating James Potter and that meant that his best friend Sirius Black was generally present for the festivities, she still tried to include you even though she knew that you had been in a hate/hate relationship with Sirius for years.

And he was sitting in the circle with Lily, James, Remus and a few other friends. They all looked like they had been liberally hitting the bottle.

Sirius sneered at you and said, “As if bloody Princess Y/N would lower herself to drink with the likes of us, Lily.”

“Oh, Sirius, it wouldn’t be lowering myself to drink with anyone but you,” you said sweetly with an insincere smile.

“By all means, Your Highness, we’ll get you a fresh bottle so you don’t have to touch the same one as me.”

You didn’t understand why Sirius was challenging you, but teenage bravado and the Gryffindor spirit would not allow you to back down from his dare.

“Well then, Black, as long as I don’t have to risk any number of diseases by putting my lips anywhere yours have been, I’m in,” you said, squeezing in between Lily and Remus.

“Yay! We’re playing Truth or Spin the Bottle,” James slurred.

“Oh, Merlin, those are two different games.”

“Nope, just like it sounds,” Lily said happily.

“Fine,” you said.

Apparently the rules also include drinking if you cross your arms or said the word ‘idiot,’ which you learned the hard way when you crossed your arms and called Sirius an idiot and had to drink twice.

“Are there any more rules that I should know about?” you asked after you took your drinks.

“I think that’s about it,” James said.

The play went around the circle and a few people got caught with crossed arms, including you once more. When Lily’s turn came, she asked you, “Truth or Spin the Bottle?”

“Truth,” you said, not wanting to take the chance of spinning the bottle and hitting Sirius.

“Alright,” she said with an evil glimmer in her eye. “Why do you hate Sirius?”

Your eyes darted over to Sirius, who looked very interested in your answer. You looked away quickly and said, “I changed my mind, I’ll spin the bottle.”

“Nope, you picked truth,” chimed in James.

Remus, being the helpful and sadistic soul that he was, said, “Well, perhaps with an extra incentive we could allow such a blatant disregard for the time-honored rules of Truth or Spin the Bottle.”

“You just made this game up tonight,” you said through gritted teeth.

“Nevertheless, I think we should allow Y/N to spin the bottle, but instead of a kiss, she has to spend 10 minutes in the cupboard kissing whomever the bottle points to.”

After a general hum of agreement from everyone but Sirius, you chugged some firewhiskey and spun the bottle.

Of course it landed on Sirius. Of course it did.

There was a moment of silence and then hysterical laughter.

“I am not going in the cupboard with her!” Sirius stated vehemently.

“For the first time in the history of ever, I agree with Sirius,” you said.

“Y/N, you verbally agreed to it, and Sirius, you tacitly agreed when you didn’t leave the circle. Into the cupboard with the both of you,” Lily commanded.

You met Sirius’ eyes and realized that this was happening or neither of you would ever hear the end of it. Reluctantly, you followed him over to the cupboard, the rest of the game participants following along to heckle.

As you stepped into the cramped space with Sirius, Remus’ voice rang through and said, “Remember, you have to kiss for ten minutes and unfortunately for you, I recently learned a spell that will not allow the door to be unlocked until you do. So, pucker up!”

You both started pounding on the door, Sirius adding some pretty colorful threats to Remus if he didn’t let you out, but all you heard was the laughter of the group moving away from the door.

“Bloody fucking everlasting hell,” Sirius growled.

“Wow. I agree with you twice in one evening. Unprecedented.”

“Y’know it would be great if you could not be an utter bitch and help me figure out how to get out of here without either of us having to do something we would have nightmares about for years to come.”

“Charming, as always, Black.”

“I’m not the one who started this, Y/L/N.”

“Oh, really? 'Ohhh Princess Y/N would never lower herself to drink with us!’” you mimicked in a low, dull voice. “What the hell was that about, eh?”

“You started it years ago, out of nowhere, I might add!”

“Oh, I’m sure you cuddle up at night with your righteous indignation that I have no reason for my dislike, don’t you?”

“Don’t flatter yourself, love, I have never thought of you while I’m in bed.”

“Well, that would stand to reason, I suppose,” you sneered.

“I don’t even know what that means!” he shouted.

“Sirius Black, one of the great minds of our time, doesn’t get something? I am shocked! Shocked, I tell you!”

You stood in cold silence for a few minutes.

* * *

 

“They stopped screaming. Do you think one killed the other?” Lily asked casually.

James actually looked a bit worried, but Remus simply shrugged and said, “They need to work this out.”

“That was some deft wandless  _and_ non-verbal spellwork, Moony. Most impressive,” Lily complimented him as she tipped the firewhiskey bottle in his direction before taking a drink.

“Always nice to have one’s work acknowledged,” Remus said with a small smile and a seated bow.

“Wait, what spellwork?” James asked, having missed the spell.

“Your buddy here stopped the bottle on Sirius after he suggested that ridiculous stipulation. He’s really quite devious,” Lily said with admiration.

“Sirius will kill you if he ever finds out,” James said with trepidation.

“Well, hopefully they’ll have a colossal row and get whatever is between them out in the open. If that happens, it will be worth the tantrum Sirius throws. Their feud is becoming quite tedious.”

Just then the screaming began anew in the cupboard, signaling the beginning of round two.

* * *

 

“This is bloody ridiculous,” you muttered as you looked for somewhere to sit.

“All right, let’s just do this and get it over with.”

“Do what exactly?”

“Kiss. I don’t want to do it any more than you do, but if it will get us out of here it will be worth it.”

“Ah I’ll pass, thanks.”

“Fine. We’ll just rot in here, is that better? Because I would like to be as far from you as possible.”

“You’ve made that abundantly clear over the years,” you said snidely.

“Wait _, I_  have? What about you? I thought we were mates and then one day you just hated me!”

“Y’know what, let’s just get out of here.”

“So we kiss?”

“Let’s exhaust our other options before we resort to that.”

“Y’know a lot of girls would be thrilled to be in your position,” Sirius bragged.

“Please, bring one here and let me out. Oh, not an option? Then that statement was completely pointless, yeah?”

“Do you have your wand?”

“No, do you?”

“I did, Moony must have picked my pocket.” With that, Sirius resumed his threats against Remus’ general health at top volume.

“Just kiss me and get this over with!” he screamed at you after his tirade against Moony was finished.

“I’d rather kiss Snape with tongue than give you a peck on the cheek,” you said with venom in your voice.

“What did I ever do to you? We were friends! We did everything together. I was as close to you as I was to James, Remus and Peter. Then one day in fourth year you hated me and wouldn’t talk to me. What did I do?” he screamed in utter frustration.

“Oh don’t pretend like we were actually friends, Black. I learned the hard way that we weren't” you shouted back.

“I would really love to know what I did. The other guys have no clue and have blamed me for the last three years for you cutting us all off. So either get over here and kiss me so we can get out of here and go back to our regular shitty treatment of each other or tell me why you hate me,” he said in a slightly quieter, more controlled voice.

“They’ll let us out soon. If we’re quiet they’ll want to see which one of us lived through it.”

* * *

 

“The silence is creeping me out,” James said. He cared for both of you and didn’t like the distance that had sprung up overnight, but he would never have interfered like this.

“Maybe they’re talking,” Peter said, but none of them really thought so.

* * *

 

“How long d’you reckon we’ve been in here?” Sirius broke the silence to ask a while later.

You didn’t answer him right away, then shrugged and said, “I dunno. Maybe an hour?”

A while later, Sirius said quietly, “Y/N?”

“What?” you snapped back.

“Why do you hate me?” he whispered.

“Does it even matter at this point?” you answered wearily. “Soon we’ll be done with school and you’ll never have to look at my ugly buck teeth, giant ears and gawky mudblood body again.”

Sirius stiffened. Those words seemed familiar.

“What did you say?”

“You heard me,” she said coldly. “And I heard you.”

* * *

 

Sirius was taken back to fourth year. He had run into his cousin Bellatrix and she was telling him all the ways that he was a failure as a person and a disappointment to his family. He had stood quietly and accepted the verbal abuse. Bellatrix was in the heat of the moment and already quite the blood purity Zealot. It would do no good to argue with her.

“And your little girlfriend! How you could ever associate with her is beyond me.”

Sirius straightened his spine at that point. He did not want Bellatrix focusing on you. You were not a fighter and he had to make her believe that you meant nothing to him.

“Are you talking about Y/N? Bellatrix, look at me! Why would I ever go out with a mudblood like her? I mean, if the goofy buck teeth and giant ears didn’t make me ill, her gawky body would do it. She’s one of Remus’ strays he collects. I merely tolerate her.”

You had come upon them and hidden behind a suit of armor. Bellatrix had always frightened you and Sirius warned you to stay back if you ever saw her. Your association with him would paint a target on you.

He had told you this in the Astronomy Tower just a few days before – after he had kissed you for the first time.

* * *

 

“You heard me talking to Bellatrix,” he said, anguished.

“Yes,” you answered, your voice dripping with hurt and malice. “You broke my heart.”

“And you broke mine! How fucking  _dare_  you tell me I meant something to you and then not even talk to me after you heard something like that!”

“Wait, this is  _my_  fault?”

“Yes, it’s your bloody fault! I say something that is  _completely_  out of character for me and you decide to give me the silent treatment for three fucking years? It never occurred to you to  _ask_  me why I said that? Fucking hell, Y/N, you have treated me like shit for  _three bloody_ _years_  over something I said to my psycho cousin to protect you from my family!”

“Oh you are such a liar.”

“The only time I ever lied to you was when I said I hated you.”

* * *

 

“Well, I am off to bed,” Remus said, stretching a bit before heading to the steps.

“Wait,” James said, “you have to let them out.”

“The cupboard isn’t even locked. They’re just so preoccupied with each other that they haven’t tried to open it.”

* * *

 

“You’ve done a bloody great impression of someone who hates me if you really don’t,” you accused.

“I suppose I did for a while,” he responded quietly. “After you cut me off, it just hurt too much to wonder why. Then you got so bloody nasty.

“But most of all I missed you. We went from being best friends to you being my girlfriend and then despising me all in a few days. And even if you didn’t want me as a boyfriend…Merlin, I missed you. I still miss you,” he said with a self deprecating laugh. “How pathetic is that?”

You were silent. Had you made a mistake by not asking Sirius? Was he telling the truth then when he was speaking to Bellatrix – or now?

Had he meant it when he kissed you?

Could he ever forgive you?

“I miss you, too,” you said so quietly Sirius couldn’t even hear you.

“What?” he asked dully.

“I’m sorry, Sirius. I can’t say that things would have wound up any differently, but you’re right. It was unlike you, and you had warned me multiple times that she wasn’t in her right mind. I should have given you a chance to explain. I guess we’ll never know what might have been.

“But you’re right: after being friends for so long and then sharing our feelings and our first kiss…I should have given you the benefit of the doubt. I was foolish and impulsive and I threw you away,” you started crying, great fat tears and undignified hiccups.

Sirius grabbed your wrist and pulled you over to his lap, sat you down and hugged you, rubbing your back and soothing your emotional outburst.

“So…you ready to get out of here?”

You leaned forward and brushed your lips across Sirius’ eyes, nose, cheeks and finally, his lips. Sirius then took the lead and kissed you like his very life depended on it.

It was heaven. It was beauty and peace and thunder and lightning and starry nights and sunny days to be in his arms again.

It was too much for your heart to know that you had caused both of you so much pain through your own insecurity. You started crying again, releasing the anguish of three wasted, painful years.

“Tomorrow is Hogsmeade. Are you going?” Sirius asked you as your tears settled and you were cuddled up against his chest.

“I have no plans to, no,” you replied warily.

“Then how about we spend the day together, like we used to. See if we still read each other’s minds and finish each other’s sentences?”

“You would forgive me after all the awful things –”

“It’s forgiven. It’s in the past. You’re back where you belong and we have time.”

“Is this where you belong, Sirius?”

“Love, you will never know how much I’ve missed you. I’m not going to let my pride get in the way of a dream come true.”

You caressed his cheek and he turned into your hand to savor the feeling. He was still the same affectionate boy he had always been with you. You kissed him gently and said, “I will never leave you again, Sirius. Not until you tell me to go away.”

Sirius pulled you close, swallowed hard as if to stifle a sob and said, “Then you’ll never leave me, because I never want to be without you in my life again.”

Then he kissed you, his lips filled with passion and promise.

And quite a while later, you realized that the door should have opened three or four times by then. You were so happy you didn’t even prank Moony in retribution. He had given you back to each other.

And this time, you knew it was forever.


	4. A Damsel in Distress

“So y’know how you’re in love with Y/N and you want to bear her children?” James said.

“Shut your bloody gob, James!” Sirius snapped at him, looking around the Gryffindor common room to see if anyone had heard.

“Afraid she’ll hear?”

“Yeah, I am, actually. She’s my best friend and doesn’t think of me that way, so keep your bleeding mouth shut so I don’t lose her.”

“I thought I was your best friend?” James asked, offended.

“You are!”

“You just said she was!”

“She is! You both are,” Sirius responded, exasperated.

“I don’t think you understand what ‘best’ means, mate,” James said.

“Yeah, I’ve always felt that ‘best’ had a definite singularity to it,” Remus chimed in.

“You can go hours without speaking and yet never miss an opportunity to bust my bollocks, Remus. Thank you so much for caring,” Sirius said sarcastically.

“I live to serve,” Remus said with a flourishing salute.

“Prat,” Sirius muttered.

“If I may be allowed to continue,” James said importantly.

“Must you?” Sirius returned in a long-suffering fashion.

“Yes, I feel I must,” James said with great dignity. “As I was saying, the object of your affections has a date this weekend for Hogsmeade.”

Sirius was stunned. “Who?” he said quietly.

“Fisk,” James replied, suddenly feeling bad for making a joke of it. “I’m sure it’s nothing, Padfoot.”

“Right. Probably nothing,” Sirius said as he stood up and headed up the steps to their dorm.

“Smooth, Prongs,” Remus scolded.

“I didn’t think…” James mumbled.

“You rarely do,” Remus said, shaking his head and returning to his book. He would talk to Sirius later. He knew him well enough to know that right now he wanted to be alone.

* * *

In point of fact, Sirius did not want to be alone. He wanted to hunt you down and ask you why you were going to Hogsmeade with someone else when the two of you had a standing date.

You always went to Hogsmeade together. Most people simply assumed that you were dating. You had been inseparable since third year when you had come upon him getting beat up by two of his Slytherin cousins and a couple of their pals. Somehow his friends weren’t with him and you had run into the fray, recklessly throwing hexes at the unsuspecting older students from behind.

You and Sirius both wound up in hospital after that, and then weeks in detention together.

 

* * *

You had been drifting to sleep on the wings of a sleeping potion Madame Pomfrey had given you when you heard your name being whispered.

“What?” you whispered back drowsily.

“You awake?” Sirius asked.

“You an idiot?” you replied grumpily.

You heard a snicker and then a metal squeak, and then Sirius shuffled over to your cot.

He plopped unceremoniously onto your bed and made himself comfortable at the foot. You sat up a bit and eyed his feet that he had propped at your waist level.

“Comfy? Can I get you a warm beverage or perhaps rub your feet for you?” you asked sarcastically.

“That would be great, love,” he answered with a wink, wiggling his toes.

You laughed and said, “What do you want, Black?”

“To thank you for trying to help.”

“You already thanked me,” you answered.

“Right. Then how about to ask why you helped?”

“Four to one are terrible odds. You clearly needed help. So I gave them another target to pound on,” you laughed.

“Well yes, but why? We aren’t friends especially. They didn’t even know who you were until then. So why risk your neck to help me?”

You looked at Sirius and realized he truly didn’t get it. “Would you have walked past me getting pummeled and done nothing?”

“No, I reckon I would have helped. But… you’re a girl.”

“And only girls need to be rescued, is that it?” you asked, perturbed.

“Well…yeah. Usually?” he said weakly, gathering that you were not pleased with his logic.

“The I guess that makes you my little damsel in distress, hmm?”

Sirius threw his head back and barked out a laugh so joyous that you couldn’t help but smile. “I reckon it does. You must be my knight in shining armor. Promise to catch me if I faint?”

* * *

 

From then on, you called him your damsel in distress and he laid a hand to his forehead and swooned, calling you his brave knight in shining armor. You loved how he wasn’t at all sore about being – well, not really rescued. You had simply wound up another victim to their bullying and painted a target on your back to boot. But he never acted like it bothered him that a girl came to his aid.

Sirius had stars in his eyes for you from that moment. James teased him mercilessly, Remus and even Peter joining in when they figured it out. He tolerated it because that’s what mates did to each other, but Sirius was desperate for you not to find out about his crush.

It was just a crush, right?

Sirius was able to compartmentalize his feelings for you for the most part. If all he could ever be was your best friend, well that was pretty amazing, right?

So he absorbed you into his friends. And you absorbed him into your life. And you told the boys how they were all like the extremely annoying brothers that you never really wanted.

Merlin, he did not want to be your brother.

 

* * *

You were up in your dorm reading when your roommates descended upon you in a hive of buzzing teenagers. “Y/N!” Lily called out in a singsong voice. “Is it true? Do you have a date with the absolute best looking seventh year while at the same time breaking the heart of our very own Sirius Black? The people need to know!”

“Codswallop. Sirius is my best friend, you know that. I could walk starkers past him and he wouldn’t even notice.

“Best friend or not, I guarantee you he would notice that,” Lily laughed. “Or would you like to place a friendly wager on it?”

“My dear Lily, have you never heard of hyperbole?” you said with feigned hauteur.

“My dear Y/N, I have. But you’re avoiding the issue. Why are you going out with Trevor Fisk when Sirius is mad for you?”

“Sirius and I are mates. He won’t think twice about me going to Hogsmeade with Trevor. I bet he’ll be happy to have the day free of me. The boys will probably get up to something without me around bugging them.”

“You’re a twit, Y/N,” Alice said. “You must be the only person at Hogwarts that doesn’t know he’s mad for you.”

“That’s ridiculous! To be honest, I’m not even sure Sirius likes girls. I’ve never heard him talk about one in three years.”

“Merlin, you really are dense,” Marlene chimed in. “Half the girls in this school would give up a kidney for a shot at Black and you’ve got him in your pocket and don’t even know it.”

* * *

Marlene’s words rang over and over in your head until you were questioning your entire relationship with Sirius. If he truly had feelings for you all this time, was your whole friendship based on a lie?

You thought back to when you first started spending time with him and his friends. Your friends would come along, and the only two of you that ever paired off were you and Sirius. Well, James tried his best to pair off with Lily. In fact, if Remus or Peter got too friendly with you, Sirius would manage to wedge himself between you and whichever boy it was until the other boys eventually just stood aside for him.

And Merlin forbid any boys whowere _not_  trusted friends should attempt to talk to you! He would appear at your elbow and loom over you and whatever boy attempted to talk to you, sometimes casually draping an arm across your shoulders.

You had always assumed that Sirius considered you a sibling as you did him and that he was just looking out for you. But what if all along he had been marking his territory?

The idea infuriated you. If he was essentially running off boys that came around yet never had the intestinal fortitude to tell you he wanted you for himself…well, this needed to be out in the open.

You hopped off your bed and left your room without a word to your roommates. You needed to talk to Sirius.

“Where’s Sirius?” you asked his three partners in crime when you got down to the common room.

“No idea,” Remiss answered quickly. James and Peter both looked startled but said nothing.

“Well, do you have some way of perhaps checking?” you asked, making a 'you know what I mean’ face.

“He has it with him,” James piped in.

“Ah,” you said, “Well, tell him to find me if you see him first, yeah?”

“Sure, Y/N,” Remus answered with a charming smile.

You smiled back at him, knowing him well enough to know that he was lying.

So, Sirius was avoiding you. How interesting.

* * *

Sirius came to dinner late, barely looked at you, spoke to you in monosyllables and grunts and disappeared immediately after he was finished eating, which he barely did. Sirius usually ate like a starving farmhand.

Something was definitely bothering him.

* * *

 

Sirius was on the sofa staring into the fire in the common room well after everyone else had gone to bed. He hadn’t heard you come up and jumped about a foot in the air when you plopped down next to him in your jammies.

“What’s going on with you, hmm?” you asked him, not apologizing for startling him.

“What d’you mean?” he hedged.

“I mean you’ve been quiet all night, you barely ate dinner and I just walked down the steps and practically fell in your lap and you didn’t notice me. Something is bothering you, so what is it?”

“What are you doing up and roaming around in your dressing gown, anyways?” he attempted to misdirect.

“I was going to see you and find out what’s wrong. Thanks for saving me the climb. Now out with it.”

“Believe it or not, I don’t have to share every aspect of my life with you, Y/N,” he snapped.

“Oh, well, I beg your pardon, Your Lordship. Never fear, henceforth I won’t burden you with my incessant interference into your private affairs,” you returned snidely as you rose to go back to your dorm. “Especially since I suspect that our entire friendship has been based on a lie.”

“What are you talking about?” Sirius asked angrily, jumping up to stop you from running up the staircase.

“I mean, I have recently been informed that your thoughts of me are less than brotherly,” you bit out.

“Who…what…why would you think that?” he stuttered.

“Well, ‘who’ is all of my roommates. ‘What’ is that you have romantic feelings for me but have spent the last three years pretending to be my friend. ‘Why’ is because you haven’t spoken a voluntary word to me since I accepted a date with Fisk,” you answered angrily. “Shall we go for the journalistic full boat and do ‘when’ and ‘where?’”

“Your sarcasm is not appreciated,” Sirius answered in a growl.

“Neither is your dishonesty!”

“And you just assume I’ve been lying to you?”

“Do you have romantic feelings for me?”

“What’s the right answer here, Y/N? If I say yes then you accuse me of lying to you, if I say no you still doubt me and either way I lose you!” he exclaimed, frustrated and scared.

“The right answer is the  _honest_  answer, and if I have to explain that to you then yes, I will doubt you. Merlin’s balls, why wouldn’t you just tell me? How am I supposed to trust you now, Sirius?” you said, a tear trailing down your cheek.

Sirius stepped forward to hug you, saying, “Y/N, please don’t cry.”

You jumped back from him. “No! You don’t get to hug me, you don’t get to pretend to be my friend, you don’t get to lie to me anymore. You turned my life upside down, Sirius!”

“Love, we can get through this, I promise,” he began.

“I said no,” you interrupted. “You don’t get to decide how I feel about this, either. I need to think. Leave me be.”

“Love,” he said, tears in his eyes. “Please.”

You turned your back and walked back up the stairs to your dorm.

Sirius slid down the wall to sit on the floor, boneless and numb. He had lost the most amazing part of his life.

* * *

James found him there later when he woke up and noticed Sirius missing from his bed. He was extremely worried when Sirius didn’t respond to his name and he had to shake him to get him to look at him.

“Padfoot, what happened? Are you drunk?”

“Ha. No, I wish I was. Shoulda thought of that, really,” he said vaguely.

“What happened?” James asked again.

“Y/N.”

“Y/N? What about her?”

“She hates me.”

“What? Of course she doesn’t, she loves you, you’re her best friend!”

“She asked me if I had romantic feelings for her and said I had been deceiving her and our entire friendship was built on nothing but lies. Like I mean nothing to her now. I’m nothing,” he ended on a whisper.

James stood up and pulled Sirius to his feet and started guiding him to the steps to out him to bed. “Things will look better tomorrow, Padfoot. She was just angry, you know what a temper she has.”

It was true, you did have a temper, though you had never directed it at Sirius before. He didn’t really believe that James was right. This was not going to miraculously right itself with the rising of the sun.

* * *

It didn’t right itself for several sunrises, in fact. You were simply too angry to sort through your feelings, so you buried them.

You had gone to Hogsmeade with Trevor, but were so withdrawn that after about the fifth time he asked you if you were all right, you said that actually you weren’t feeling well and returned to Hogwarts alone, insisting that he meet up with friends and not miss out on the fun day.

It didn’t help that James, Remus and even Peter tried to get you to talk to Sirius several times.

Sirius didn’t try to get you to talk to him. He knew that you had said all that needed to be said. He had lied to you by not telling you he had feelings for you. He was a fool to believe that you could ever care about him anyway.

But you did care about him. He was actually the most important person in your life, and not being around him was hurting you. Indeed, you had the same dark circles under your eyes as Sirius. You both pushed food around on your plates at mealtimes, though from farther apart at table than in the past. Your uniforms were a bit loose around the waist from weight loss. In short, it had been three weeks since your argument in the common room that night and you were both miserable.

You missed Sirius more than you ever thought possible, and you felt terrible for the way you had treated him. Of course you were really friends. He hadn’t sought you out to play some horrid mind game, you had become friends by happenstance. If his feelings for you had become more than friendly, that wasn’t something to curse him for, that was something to be flattered by – perhaps even to feel honored. Sirius Black was an amazing, funny, intelligent, kind, person who had been your rock through some trying times, as you had tried to be for him. Regardless of whether he had romantic feelings for you, you owed him an apology. In fact, you might owe him a good grovel, because your reaction had reinforced that he had been – well maybe not  _right,_ but perhaps justified in keeping it from you.

And, now that you had been on a date with another boy, you were wondering if you hadn’t subconsciously had romantic feelings for Sirius all along, because all you had felt when Trevor had held your hand and put his arm around you was  _wrong:_ this hand, this arm, this  _person_  did not belong with you.

So that was why, nearly a month later in the middle of the night, you were coming to the realization that you were best friends with your perfect partner, if you hadn’t ruined it.

You got out of bed and pulled on your dressing gown and slippers, tiptoeing from the room down the stairs, across the common room and up the boys stairs, stopping before the boys’ door in sudden fear. What if he was over you? What if he hated you now? What if after your horrible behavior he had come to his senses?

You gathered your courage and opened the door, looking over to Sirius’ perfectly undisturbed bed. Bloody hell.

But, this was Sirius. You knew him as well as you knew yourself. And you knew that when he couldn’t sleep, he looked at the stars. You quietly closed the door and went back down the stairs and out the portrait hole.

Luckily you were an excellent and experienced sneak from years of friendship with Sirius and company. You knew the safest, most direct route to the Astronomy Tower with all of the best hiding places along the way.

There was a near miss when Filch came close, but you heard him coming and hid. When you reached the base of the stairway, you took a deep breath and started climbing, determined to find Sirius and make things right with him, if he would let you.

When you reached the top of the steps, you found him sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall and looking at the sky. The moon and stars bathed him in a celestial light that took your breath away. He was beautiful. You had always thought him handsome, but never before had you seen him so clearly, because you had never admitted to yourself that he was anything more than simply a friend. Merlin. You loved Sirius, of course. He was your best friend. But you thought that you just might be in love with him, as well.

“Sirius,” you said softly, startling him into looking at you.

He clambered to his feet but made no move to get closer to you. “Y/N,” he replied, just as softly.

You looked down at your feet and said, “Have I destroyed what we had?

“D’you mean are we still friends? Of course, love, I’ll always be your friend,” he said earnestly, almost desperately.

“What if I,” you began, afraid to say the words you planned. “What if said I realized that I’m really quite dim and that I love you?”

“I would say that we’re best friends and we’ve said we love each other dozens of times,” he replied cautiously.

“What if I said that I want to kiss you?” you asked with a blush.

Sirius took a hesitant step toward you, and you took one to him, and then you were together. He pulled you into his arms and he was kissing you and your arms were around his neck, your hands in his hair, his hands running up and down your back.

You pulled away for air, both of you panting not only from the lack of oxygen. You stood on your tiptoes and pecked him again as he stroked your cheek and smiled at you like he was the luckiest man in the world.

“I’m so sorry, Sirius,” you said, looking into his eyes. “I have been taking you for granted for so long.”

“No, I should have been more honest. While I didn’t outright lie, I didn’t tell you the whole truth either. I was so afraid to lose you that I nearly lost you,” he answered, then dropped a kiss to your forehead.

“Merlin, at least you were honest with yourself. I’ve been so busy ignoring my feelings that I almost lost the most amazing person to ever live.”

“Wait…is that me?” Sirius asked with a grin.

“Yes, Sirius, it is you. Do you forgive me?”

“I do. I love you, Y/N. Maybe I have since you rescued me that day, I dunno. I thought at first it was just a crush, but it didn’t go away or even dim, it just grew and grew until it was so much a part of me that I was willing to be near you however I could just so I wouldn’t have to take a chance of losing you.”

“I think I must have loved you forever, too, because tonight when I finally figured it out, it wasn’t so much an “A-HA” moment as a “Yeah, welcome aboard, you bloody halfwit” moment.”

Sirius gave a shout of laughter and hugged you tight. “I’m just glad you got here, love. I never dreamed you could love me.”

“Sirius, how could anyone not love you?” you said, kissing him softly. “I think maybe you’ve been my knight in shining armor all this time.”


	5. The Long Way

You wished you could say that his escape from Azkaban brought up old memories. You wished you could say that every little thing didn’t remind you of him. And you truly wished that he wasn’t your first thought when you woke and your last thought before drifting off to sleep at night. But Sirius Black was The One, and even though you had ended things while you were still at Hogwarts, you both regretted it immediately.

But you were also both too stubborn to be the one to say anything.

And so pride led to moving on, neither knowing the other still cared, each missing the other terribly.

You saw each other frequently when you both joined the Order of the Phoenix when you left Hogwarts. You found a way to be friends and work together, and when James and Lily had Harry, you all celebrated as Sirius was named Godfather. And regardless of your relationship being over, you were the only one who believed that Sirius could never have betrayed James and Lily, and that he would have died before he would have allowed a hair on Harry’s head to be harmed.

And you went to the Ministry and told them this, repeatedly, demanding at the very least a trial for Sirius, but to no avail. Even Remus and Dumbledore had abandoned him, and he rotted in Azkaban limbo for twelve years, accused but never convicted in court of such a heinous crime. Thus, without any support, you were treated as a lovesick imbecile who might also be a follower of He Who Must Not Be Named.

So, no, you didn’t need to read the article in the Daily Prophet or see the Wanted posters to be reminded of Sirius. He was woven into your being; there was never a day you didn’t think of him.

And of course, the Ministry remembered your devotion and loud defense of Sirius, which was why you had Aurors shadowing your every move. Your home was in Hogsmeade, so the village still enjoyed the level of security it had since Sirius escaped. Of course, you knew how he was able to move about freely, but if he was still around he had never made his presence known to you. Perhaps he thought you also believed the worst of him.

Now that Remus and Dumbledore knew the truth of what happened that Halloween where his world was turned upside down, he was in contact with them. You knew he was no longer in the area, but still the Aurors watched you.

Luckily, there were a few Aurors in The Order, and they were able to misdirect those who were not so that you could attend the first meeting of the newly reformed Order if the Phoenix. It would also be the first meeting between Sirius and you since before he went to Azkaban. You weren’t merely nervous – you were approaching wreck status.

So you waited in the bushes across the street, watching more members arrive, and the hands of your watch as they moved closer to meeting time. You knew you were being a coward. You knew he’d never felt for you the deep feelings you’d had for him – that chapter of your life was over regardless of how much you wished it wasn’t.

You just hoped you could maintain your dignity in the face of the only man you ever truly loved. Even when you had genuinely tried to care for other men, you found yourself comparing them to Sirius, and they always came up lacking. This one didn’t get your jokes the way Sirius had. That one didn’t have your same taste in music or books, as Sirius had. This one was too reserved, not like Sirius with his often chaotic yet honest emotions. That one’s laugh was too quiet and practiced, unlike Sirius’ joyous bark of laughter. It all boiled down to, well, none of them were Sirius.

You heard a rustle a few feet away and pointed your wand. Remus held up his hands in surrender with a cheeky grin. “I give up, don’t shoot!” he joked.

“Remus! It’s good to see you,” you said. You had been angry at him for so long, but now Sirius needed him and you weren’t about to cause any conflict amongst those few who supported him.

“It’s lovely to see you, Y/N,” he said, then looked down and rubbed the back of his neck as he always had when he was feeling sheepish. “I wanted to apologise. You were right. Even if I couldn’t see that Sirius was innocent myself, I should have trusted you.”

“Remus,” you said quietly, going to him and hugging him, “it was a terrible time. If Sirius has forgiven you, I don’t suppose I can do any less, right?”

Remus pulled you close and said, “Thank you, Y/N. I’ve missed you, you know?”

“Well,” you said, pulling back with a cheeky grin, “if you’ll just remember in the future that I’m always right, we shouldn’t have any more problems, yeah?”

“I shall use it as my daily affirmation,” he said somberly before grinning and holding out his arm. “Shall we?”

“I suppose,” you said, your nerves back to the surface.

“He’s asked about you,” he said as you crossed the road and approached the forbidding edifice.

You didn’t pretend not to know to whom Remus was referring. “Has he?”

“A few times.”

“How nice.”

“He never quite got over you, you know,” he said as you walked up the steps to the door. Without giving you a chance to reply or inquire further, he said, “Be as quiet as possible. There’s a portrait of Sirius’ mother and she’s just as pleasant as she was in life.”

“Huzzah,” you said sarcastically but quietly.

* * *

As you tiptoed through the foyer and headed to the kitchen, your nervousness was approaching terror. Remus grabbed your hand and said, “Y/N, calm down, he wants to see you.”

You took a deep breath and nodded, stepping into the room after Remus and perhaps hiding behind him for a moment. Then you peeked around him to find Sirius about a foot away from you, a totally Sirius grin pasted on his face, and oh that face. He pulled you close, smelling your hair and not even pretending not to be glorying in your embrace. “Oh, darling. I missed you so.”

“I missed you, too, Sirius.”

He pulled away and said, “Here now, let me look at you. Merlin, how did you get even more lovely?” he asked, his hand stroking your hair.

“Don’t be ridiculous, I look old,” you said with a blush.

“Do we really need to be exposed to this…touching… reunion?” came a snide, nasally voice. Snape. Oh, goody.

“Surely you can spare me a moment to welcome home someone who spent a dozen years in prison for being accused of being a Death Eater. I mean, since you actually were one but got to roam free all these years,” you said with hatred in your voice.

“If we could please find seats,” Dumbledore called out before Snape had the opportunity to respond.

Sirius pulled you to sit between him and Remus. He leaned close and whispered, “I reckon old Snivellus needs to change his pants right about now. I forgot how terrifying you are when you’re angry.”

“Maybe he can have a shower when he strips down. Merlin, you’d think he would have learned to wash his hair by now.”

Sirius barked a laugh as he leaned away from you, and you smiled at him in pure joy. His laugh brought back so many memories.

Dumbledore conducted the meeting as many first meetings go; everyone went around the table and introduced him or herself, said what they had to offer the cause and then a situation report was given. Things looked dire and very few people outside of Sirius’ kitchen actually believed it.

* * *

After the meeting, Sirius invited you to stay for a drink with him, Remus and the Weasleys. He couldn’t stop himself from holding your hand, though he wanted to hold far more. You truly had gotten more lovely.

Sirius had never gotten over you. Remus had always tried to tell him that you were both stubborn idiots and he should try and talk to you while you were still in school. Then he had told you when you were in the first Order. Then…then it had been too late.

Azkaban had taken even the memory of you from him, except for the look in your eyes when you had fought that day…Merlin, that look. Anger, yes, but a bone-deep pain that seemed to break you. It haunted Sirius in Azkaban. As the only unhappy memory he had of you, it was replayed over and over, your anguish etched into his soul. His dreams were never pleasant, and somehow that look was up there with finding James and Lily.

Sirius shook those painful thoughts off. Now was not the time to dwell on the pain of the past when he finally had you with him again. He’d had twelve years of nothing but painful memories and a year of not knowing you had always believed in him, then another year on the run. Part of the lure of returning to this hellhole was so that he could see you. He was not going to waste a moment of it.

The five adults and five children made quite a din. You could tell that while Sirius loved it, he was also a bit overwhelmed.

As Molly chased the children off to bed and she, Arthur and Remus followed soon after, you and Sirius were left alone.

“It’s getting late, I should be heading home. Have to get to Hogsmeade yet tonight.”

“Stay here. We can stay up and talk all night like we used to do,” Sirius coaxed you.

“A lot’s changed since those days, Pads. I daresay we’ve grown up. Even you,” you teased with a wink.

“A bit, perhaps. Most of it isn’t growing up so much as having any trace of youthful exuberance beaten down.”

“Merlin, Sirius, I didn’t mean to -”

“Of course you didn’t, you would never do that.”

“I never believed you did anything they said you did, Sirius. You know that, right?”

“I do. Dumbledore and Remus both told me that you fought for years, trying to get me a trial. And, love, that just…knowing that after…”

You saw Sirius getting choked up and scooted closer to hug him. “Shhhh. You don’t need to say a word, just…be free.”

Sirius held you like you were a lifeline for a few minutes. When he finally pulled away enough to look at you, he scoffed and said, “I’m still not free. My prison has just been moved from Azkaban to here.”

You placed your hand upon his cheek gently. “Oh, Sirius. I hate that you’re trapped here. I know how awful this place was for you.”

“I suppose it’s a step up from Azkaban, yeah?” He looked up then, and his breath caught in his chest. Merlin, how had he forgotten the little flecks of color in your eyes that could only be seen up close?

He pulled back and smiled. “Well, you need to be on your way. I mustn’t keep you.”

“How about I come by one evening this week?” you asked tentatively.

“Love, you can move in. I will give up my room. Or share it with you, whichever you prefer,” he said with a wink.

“Let’s start with a visit, shall we?” you asked dryly.

“Tomorrow?” he asked eagerly, and for a moment you were transported in time to the boy you had fallen in love with all those years ago impatiently trying to get you to spend every waking moment with him.

“Yes,” you found yourself agreeing.

“Come over any time.”

“See you tomorrow,” you said as you got to your feet.

Sirius pulled you into a hug and you held him for a bit, so happy to be in his arms again, even if only platonically.

“Be careful.”

* * *

Sirius went to his room after you left and thought about how close he had come to admitting that he’d been an idiot when he had let you slip through his fingers. He had even less to offer you now than he’d had before Azkaban. A prisoner in this hell-hole, forced to literally tiptoe about so as not to incur the wrath of a painting, avoiding the ravings of a maddened house elf and watching where one placed a hand to avoid the loss of a finger to a creepy crawly.

But Merlin, you had become more beautiful. You had filled out in all the right places, trading the coltish beauty of your youth for the sultry ripeness of a woman full grown. How in Merlin’s name were you not taken?

If he were to believe Remus, you had never quite gotten over him, either. Maybe…maybe you still cared? Maybe there was still hope for the two of you to be together?

* * *

 

You visited Sirius the next day – and the day after, and the day after that. It became your habit to visit every night after your work day at the Ministry. Some nights you would bring him new books or magazines, other nights a record on vinyl that you thought he would like from the time he was imprisoned. You would spend hours talking, laughing, playing muggle board games or even hide and seek after the kids went back to school.

On weekends, you helped Molly with cooking and cleaning, keeping Sirius occupied with chores and generally out of trouble. A bored Sirius was a dangerous Sirius, as you had learned many many times at Hogwarts.

You had recently transferred to a position as a mid-level executive’s assistant. You weren’t really important within the framework of the Ministry, but you had information valuable to the Order pass across your desk to your boss on an almost daily basis. Your position was invaluable. Your boss was creepy.

He was subtle, but he often found ways to brush against your breasts or bum, position himself behind your chair so that he could look down your top and had even jokingly propositioned you on a few occasions.

Sirius had been urging you to change positions, which you couldn’t so soon after transferring, or outright quit, which you refused to do because of the help you had been able to give the order. So, you quit telling him when these things occurred, kept your distance from your boss when at all possible and wore tops with high necklines to deny him his view. If Sirius asked about it, you simply told him it was under control.

So when your boss told you that he’d need you to attend a week-long conference with him, you got a really icky feeling. As soon as you told Sirius that you had to go out of town and wouldn’t be around, he began to interrogate you.

“Out of town? Where and with whom?” he began calmly if a bit presumptuously.

“Austria, for work,” you answered as if you had satisfied his questions, then attempted to change the subject. “So what did you do today?”

“Hmmm? Oh, today I worried whether your boss was attempting to degrade you or corner you so he could feel you up. Then I thought about how stupid you must think I am to believe that it had stopped happening because you wore different clothing to work, as if that could make you less appealing. Then I thought how I was trapped here, unable to even visit you at the office and drop a subtle threat to your pig of a boss because I am a fugitive, and how impotent that made me feel.

“Then you got here and told me half the details of what I can only assume is another attempt by your boss to get you into a position where he can take advantage of you AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BLOODY IGNORE IT!” he finished in a scream.

Your eyes widened as he continued his rant, your eyebrows shot up when he screamed. Oh, dear. This was the part of Sirius you had not missed.

You stood. This was not an argument to have from a subordinate position. Sirius was enough of an Alpha personality, if you didn’t show some sand he would browbeat you mercilessly.

“Don’t you dare raise your voice to me, Sirius Orion Black!” you said calmly. “I am not answerable to you.”

“Oh, I beg your pardon, Madame. How stupid of me to think that caring about what happens to you means I’m trying to run your life?”

“I have never, never said you were stupid, Sirius!”

“What rot! I can think of at least a dozen times you’ve called me stupid!”

“Don’t be –” you cut yourself off.

“Stupid?” he said with a triumphant smile.

“Oh that doesn’t bloody count, Sirius!”

“Yeah, well,” he said, throwing himself on the sofa and staring broodingly into the fire.

You went over and sat down next to him and took his hand. He didn’t look at you. “Love, you know I don’t think you’re stupid, don’t you? You’re brilliant. I’ve always thought so.”

Sirius merely shrugged, still in a pout.

You sighed. “Sirius, the Order needs me in that job.”

“Bugger the Order.”

“You don’t mean that,” you scolded.

Sirius turned and looked at you, utterly earnest. “I mean that completely. You are worth a thousand Orders to me.”

“We have to stop…him. We have to protect Harry.”

“We can do that without your pig of a boss trying to sneak into your hotel room or get you drunk.”

You leaned back on the sofa and stared up at the hideous snake chandelier. “I still have to pay my bills, Sirius. The Order isn’t a going concern and my landlord isn’t exactly a philanthropist.”

“Then stay with me,” he said, swallowing his pride. “I need you.”

You sat up and looked at him skeptically. “You need me? Why me? I can’t just be your security blanket, Sirius.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he said with a smirk.

“Hey!” you said in mock anger. “That’s apparently my line.”

“Do you really not know that I love you?” he said quietly, reaching up to smooth your hair.

“What?” you squeaked.

Sirius pulled his hand away, eyes wide in embarrassment. “Oh, Merlin. I thought…Excuse me, Y/N.” With that, Sirius disappeared up the stairs.

“Wait, what just…” you followed Sirius up the steps and went to his room without knocking.

“Please go, Y/N. I think I’ve humiliated myself enough for one evening, don’t you?” he said from his position looking longingly out the window.

“Well, I mean…you mistook my surprise for rejection, but I wouldn’t classify it as humiliating.”

Sirius turned around and looked at you, hope shining from his eyes that had moments ago held nothing but despair.

You walked over and stroked his shoulder length black hair and his scruffy beard and said, “Do you really not know that I have always loved you?”

“Really?” he said, grinning happily.

When you nodded, he pulled you into his embrace and kissed you as he had been wanting to do since the first night you came into his kitchen.

* * *

You went into your boss’ office the next day and informed him that you would not be joining him on the trip to Austria, and furthermore, if he accidentally touched your breasts or behind again you would report him to his supervisor after you hexed his privates so thoroughly that it would sting to pee for the rest of his life.

Sirius added that last part to your speech and you delighted in his bark of laughter when you described the look on your boss’ face when you said it.

You also delighted in falling asleep in Sirius’ arms after telling and showing each other how much you loved one another.

You packed up your flat in Hogsmeade and moved in with Sirius that very weekend. He grumbled about you adding girly touches to his manly bedroom, but mostly he reveled in the fact that you were his again.

His frustration at being trapped in Grimmauld Place was still tangible, but you were able to soothe, cajole or seduce him out of his moods most times. He may have resisted the soothing and cajoling at times in order to get to the seducing, to be honest.

But you were able to keep him inside, for the most part. He scampered off in dog form occasionally, but you were usually able to at least get him to stay close and keep it short by promising lots and lots of sex.

The day that Sirius found out that Harry had been lured into a trap at the Ministry, however, there was no keeping him home. Indeed, you were nearly as frantic as Sirius about the kids being in such grave danger.

When you apparated into the Department of Mysteries, you found Harry and his friends battling and Sirius immediately ran to Harry’s side.

You saw that his appearance whipped the Death Eaters into a frenzy, this blood traitor who helped put some of them into Azkaban during the first war. You were tense but controlled, you didn’t have time to panic because if you allowed yourself to think about all that you stood to lose you would start screaming and never stop. So you worked the edges and sniped and distracted where you could. That is, until you got a good look at where and with whom Sirius was fighting.

You were close enough to Bellatrix that you simply ran, not caring if she struck you instead of Sirius, only that she be distracted from the stupid man you loved standing a foot away from some kind of portal.

You took a running leap at Bellatrix, tackling her around the shins where she was least likely to expect attack or to be shielded. Luckily, you had guessed correctly and you tackled her like a Muggle playing rugby at the park.

Sirius saw what you had done and sprinted over to help you, knowing that his insane cousin would not take long to rebound from her surprise.

It was a free-for-all until Dumbledore appeared. When Bellatrix saw Sirius running toward her, she stumbled over and grabbed her wand and turned to defend herself from Kingsley, who had joined the fight after Dumbledore showed up and broke the back of the Death Eaters’ spirit. Somehow Bellatrix managed to get out of the area, leading you all on a merry chase to the Atrium of the ministry, where Voldemort himself appeared.

After Dumbledore and Voldemort dueled and Voldemort escaped with Bellatrix, Dumbledore sent you and Sirius home.

Of course you argued. You called him reckless, he said you were overprotective. You wound up yelling all the ways he could have died, he yelled how his heart nearly stopped when you tackled Bellatrix. Then you both yelled that you loved each other and realized you weren’t really even fighting anymore, just screaming because you came so close to losing each other. Then you started undressing each other, desperate to touch and be touched, simply to be reminded that you were still alive, still together. Still one.

When you emerged from your bedroom, you found that the Ministry had declared that Voldemort was returned. In light of finding what they had declared the fancy of Harry Potter, a troubled boy, and Albus Dumbledore, a doddering old man, to be true, you had hopes that perhaps soon they would accept the truth that Peter Pettigrew had framed him and Sirius and would soon be a free man.

Sirius was still a fugitive, but now he had love and a family and chance at freedom. He pulled you close and hugged you.

He had hope and a future, though he had certainly taken the long way to it. That was enough.


	6. Library Shenanigans

There it was again! Every time you came to the library lately, you had strange things happen to you. Sometimes your books moved, or your quill would disappear, other times you would feel a tap on your shoulder. Nothing destructive, just…creepy? Unsettling.

You were sitting in your favorite out of the way study spot. It was actually a popular make-out spot before you had taken to studying there, shooting looks at couples who appeared holding hands and giggling until they went and found another spot. Honestly, this place was lousy with teenage hormones.

Luckily, you were above such nonsense. You staked your claim on the spot and refused to be shamed out of your territory. Shame indeed! Those randy twits should be ashamed, going at it like rabbits. It was a wonder there wasn’t a maternity ward in the hospital wing.

And it was a miracle that Sirius Black wasn’t a father a dozen times over. Nine times out of ten it was him showing up with a different bird to your study spot.

The first time he had shown up, he’d had his face attached at the mouth to a fifth year from Hufflepuff. Apparently you were the only girl in sixth year he hadn’t gotten with and he’d had to step down a year for his conquests.

As he spun her and pushed her up against a book shelf  _not even a foot away from you_ , you cleared your throat loudly to get their attention.

After a few more loud ‘Ahems,’ Sirius finally looked up and noticed you. And then quickly dismissed you.

“Be a lamb and shuffle along, Y/N. Bit busy and could use some privacy. There’s a good girl,” he said in a most irritating and condescending fashion before he returned to his paramour.

“I am quite comfortable here, Mr. Black. Might I suggest you be a lamb and find another spot for your… assignations?”

“You joking?”

“Not at all, I assure you,” you said as you turned back to your books.

“C’mon, love,” he said, irritation in his voice, shooting a dirty look over his shoulder at you.

* * *

“Merlin, Y/N, d’you ever do anything but study? I don’t think I’d recognize you without your nose in a book,” he groused after about the fourth or fifth time you had inconvenienced his romantic endeavors with your presence.

“Well, you always know where to find me if you need me, as this is my study spot and I’m not moving,” you said with false cheer, your grin as sharp as a knife. “You really don’t need to recognize me, now do you?”

“I suppose not. But I don’t think that we’re allowed to stake claims in the library, now are we, Y/N?”

“Well, Madame Pince doesn’t seem to have a problem with it, so I guess it doesn’t matter what a few oversexed morons think, does it?” you said sweetly.

“Oversexed morons, hmm?” Sirius repeated quietly.

“Indeed.”

“Well, I won’t keep you from your studies. It would be a shame if your study spot became inhospitable, wouldn’t it?”

“Oh, don’t worry about me, Black. I’m made of sturdy stuff.”

“Good to hear,” he said with a devious grin, thinking to himself,  _Challenge accepted._

* * *

Sirius returned to his dorm, removing the Invisibility Cloak and tossing it to James.

“How goes the Great Make-Out Spot War, Pads?” James asked pleasantly.

“Bloody awful. I’m going to have to increase the heat. So far the low-level haunting isn’t getting to her.”

“That’s a real shame,” Remus chimed in sarcastically. “You could just find another spot to shag. Y/N is a nice girl and she just wants to study.”

“Well, the nice girls I take to that spot have just as much right to it as Y/N does,” Sirius replied stubbornly.

“To be fair, I don’t think you generally spend much time with nice girls,” James offered.

“You’re both traitors. I’m going to get her to move from that spot.”

* * *

You knew that even though you never saw anyone come near you, someone was pranking you to get you to leave your study spot. And, of all of the people who you thought might be immature enough to do so, you were fairly certain that it was Black. He was the only lecher who had been inconvenienced by your presence more than once, and certainly the only person brazen enough to complain that you were occupying the space he wanted to use for his sexual exploits.

Things had escalated of late. Rather than mildly annoying things happening occasionally, you were frequently capturing books before they fell off of the table with a loud thud, had to keep the cork on your ink since it had spilled all over the essay you were writing and you couldn’t even count the times your hair had been pulled.

Sirius was beyond frustrated. He was not well known for his patience and your stubbornness was baffling. Why on earth was this spot so important? To either of you, honestly. He realized that it was no longer the spot, it was the thrill of the contest. He had to run you off the spot.

Sirius was actually becoming a bit obsessed with the quest. He had used all his best haunting tricks, but he didn’t want to actually hurt you. That was beyond the scope of the situation. Even he could see that.

Besides, he was beginning to – admire? – you? Certainly you were a stick-in-the-mud, but he did have to commend your tenacity. You couldn’t be getting much studying done with all the time he spent bothering you.

He might have to change his methods.

* * *

You had decided you’d had it with Black’s mischief. You were going to give him one warning and then you were going to retaliate. Enough was enough.

You had gone to your spot and spread out your homework as usual. You couldn’t concentrate at first as you waited for the first incident, but when it hadn’t happened for a while you settled into your work.

Then it happened. You felt your hair move, but instead of the usual gentle tug, you felt it tying itself into a knot.

“Sirius Black!” you whisper-yelled, gathering your hair in your hand and untangling it. “I demand that you leave me be!”

No response.

“You obstinate, idiotic child! You cannot possibly be this put out that I study here. It’s a bloody library!”

You saw your books move.

“I’m done playing your little games. Stop this immediately or I swear, I will stop ignoring you with dignity and I will unleash hell on you!”

You watched your quill lift up and slowly move toward your face, gently tapping you on the nose.

“Of course you realize, this means war,” you said angrily.

* * *

Thus far, the battlefield had remained the spot in the library. You were not eager to redraw the battle lines, but he had some sort of invisibility spell at his disposal and you could never catch him in the act. So, as they say, war is hell.

The first act of aggression took place in Charms. You sat two seats behind and one seat over from Sirius and you had a clear shot at his feet. You cast a small spell that tied his shoelaces around the leg of his desk. When he stood, it went exactly as planned: at the end of class, he took a step, dragged the desk behind him and fell on his face.

Sirius looked at the desk and then saw his shoelaces and red flooded his face. You were calmly putting your books in your bag and looked up to see him glaring at you. Then, he flicked his wand at his shoes and stood, straightening his robes and ignoring the laughter of his friends. He then looked at you and gave a half-bow to acknowledge your work. You nodded regally, a calculated risk: you had admitted it was you. But then he had admitted it was him in the library by looking directly to you.

As Sir Arthur Conan Doyle said so famously, the game was afoot.

* * *

Sirius’ revenge was swift and terrible: he, too, focused on shoes and the next day as you went down the hallway your shoes made absolutely ghastly noises that sounded like someone breaking wind with every single step.

As you trumped your way down the halls, people cleared a path and suggested you go to the loo. Your face burned with humiliation but you soldiered through, acknowledging Sirius’ prank with a smile. “Nice one,” you said as you walked by him, wicked grin on his face. He simply winked at you, and your heart did a ridiculous flip.

* * *

The next day you returned fire, casting a spell on him that made him sing everything rather than speaking. As Professor Slughorn asked Sirius to list the ingredients to a Wit Sharpening potion, he began to sing, “Ground scarab beetles, cut ginger root and armadillo BILE!”

“Mr. Black, we do not require you to sing your response. See me after class.”

“Yes, Professor,” he sang, shooting you a dirty look as you snickered at him.

As you packed up your bag, Sirius walked behind you and sang quietly, “You’re a formidable foe,” as he headed to the front of the class.

“Time to face the music, Black,” you said as he walked away.

He merely laughed. To the tune of “Mary Had a Little Lamb.”

* * *

Sirius responded by casting a giggle spell on you in Transfiguration. Needless to say, Professor McGonagall did not join in when you laughed your way through her class. You blew a kiss to Sirius as you were asked to stay after class to receive your comeuppance.

* * *

Your next volley was next level.

You sauntered over to Sirius the next morning at breakfast. He looked up and saw you coming and got a grin on his face. You were proving to be his most tenacious opponent to date. As he watched you approach, he wondered why he had never noticed how pretty you were. Maybe because you were always studying. He had no idea you were such a quick wit, either. Your pranks were truly imaginative.

When you reached the table, his friends were already preparing to head to class. “I wonder if I might have a word, Sirius?” you asked politely.

Sirius was chuffed to think that perhaps you had approached him to discuss a cease-fire. As the other boys politely wished you a good day, you sat down next to Sirius. You were attempting to create a diversion for him with cleavage. This is not something you had done before, but you figured if anyone would be distracted by breasts, it was Sirius Black. So you had unbuttoned your blouse to the top of your bosom, leaned in a bit to get his attention – and dumped a vial of potion in his drink.

“Sirius, this prank war is so silly. Can’t we think of some way to get along?” you said, touching his chest lightly with one fingertip. You had no idea how to flirt, you hoped you were doing it right.

You must have been doing all right judging by the unusually deep timbre of Sirius’ voice when he said, “We could definitely discuss terms of peace. Maybe later in your spot in the library?”

“I’ll drink to that,” you said, picking up what you assumed was Remus’ juice glass.

And Sirius picked his up and clinked it with yours, both of you downing the contents while looking into each others’ eyes.

“See you later, Sirius,” you said, walking away with an extra sway to your hips, but quickly before he could answer. You weren’t sure how soon the Veritasserum would kick in but you didn’t want to be around when it did.

You didn’t share your first class with Sirius and you rather worried that you had gone too far this time. You had actually begun to like Sirius. He was handsome and smart and funny and you really rather regretted your decision to slip him a potion.

“Y/N!”

_Oh, bugger_. You sped up to a right quick clip, hoping to get to your next class before Sirius got to you.

You felt his hand around your upper arm and spun you to face him, thudding against his chest.

“Even though I want to kiss you right now I am seriously pissed off at you, Y/N!”

“You want to kiss me?” you asked, totally flabbergasted.

You saw Sirius realize what he said and visibly fight the urge to answer. “I told a girl I was flirting with that while I thought she was dumber than a bag of hair, she was pretty and would she like to go into a broom closet with me,” he growled, his voice dangerously quiet. “She slapped me. Twice.”

Your eyes opened wide and you tried so hard not to laugh, but the picture his words painted were too hilarious to control the urge. Your suppressed laughter did nothing to soothe Sirius’ ire – if anything, it inflamed it.

“You find it amusing that I was slapped in a busy hallway because you slipped a potion in my drink?” he said in a deceptively calm voice.

“No, Sirius, you’re right. I went too far,” you said before you dissolved into laughter. “But you have to admit, it is poetic.”

“Do elaborate,” he bit out.

“Well, this all began because of your randy nature and wanting my spot in the library, I distracted you with my jubblies and then you got smacked for trying to get with a girl and saying what you really mean. I’d say that’s right poetic.”

Sirius pulled you a bit closer, and whispered into your ear, “I’ll have to think of something equally embarrassing for you, darling. Nothing but the best will do for someone as beautiful and intelligent as you.”

You shivered from his hot breath against your ear. “That was the most terrifying compliment I have ever received, Sirius,” you breathed back.

“It was all true. Including the vengeful bit,” he whispered back, then stalked off to class.

* * *

The gloves had come off. It had ceased to be a game for Sirius and he somehow hexed your moisturizer to turn your face blue.

A line had truly been crossed. But you had an ace up your sleeve: Lily Evans. She found Sirius to be annoying and he was Potter’s best friend, so helping you prank Sirius was win/win for her.

You were going for the gold: you were going after his hair.

And it was magnificent. You managed to mix his shampoo with a potion that turned his hair bright orange and curled. In short, he looked like Little Orphan Annie.

He came storming into the Great Hall and yelled, “Y/N, you have gone too far!” as he stormed over to your seat at your table.

You looked up at him with your blue face contorted into hilarity. “Leapin’ lizards, Sirius, what happened to you?”

Everyone within earshot began laughing at Sirius’ expense. He looked around and was almost foaming at the mouth he was so enraged.

Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on your point of view, Professor McGonagall appeared at Sirius’ side and said harshly, “That will be enough, Mr. Black. Miss Y/L/N. Both of you will come with me to my office immediately.”

McGonagall turned and walked to the door of the Great Hall, confident that you would follow. You stood up and shoved Sirius out of your way. “Now look what you’ve done, you bloody shitwit.”

“What I did? LOOK AT MY HAIR!”

“Are you blind as well as stupid? LOOK AT MY FACE!”

“Don’t really see a difference,” he said snidely.

“You’re a bloody imbecile, Black!”

“Both of you, hush,” Remus said as he hurried over to you. “This has gotten out of hand. Now go to McGonagall’s office and deal with the consequences. You’re both behaving like toddlers.”

You gave Remus a look that was slightly less hostile than the one you had been giving Sirius and then stomped off.

Sirius followed but didn’t attempt to catch up.

When you arrived to Professor McGonagall’s office, you both stood in front of her desk until she offered you seats.

“Miss Y/L/N, Mr. Black, would one of you care to tell me what is going on between you?”

You both shot each other dirty looks but remained silent.

“I see. Honor among thieves. Well perhaps you can learn to get along with two weeks of detention?”

“Two weeks?” you squeaked.

“Indeed. I must say, Miss Y/L/N, I am surprised to see you involved in these antics.”

Sirius fake-coughed and said, “Goody two shoes.”

“That will do, Mr. Black. I will see you both here tonight at 6:30 to discuss the particulars of your punishments.”

* * *

You went through the day, blue faced and orange haired. Each of your professors laughed when they saw you and could probably have easily reversed the spells but chose not to do so. Indeed, you had a reversal potion for Sirius, and you were just as sure he had one for you, but angry words had been said and you doubted either of you would offer them now.

As you waited outside Professor McGonagall’s office a few minutes before the appointed time, Sirius approached and you said, “Look, I’m sorry this got out of hand.”

“I look ridiculous, I should say it got out of hand.”

“I just apologized, you knob. Could you perhaps set your ego aside for a moment and acknowledge your part in this?”

“You started all of this, Y/N.”

“I beg your pardon, Black, how did I start any of this? By wanting to be left in peace to study in a place where you wanted to shag? It’s a bloody library, not a flophouse for you to get a leg over with your slags!” you yelled.

The door to Professor McGonagall’s office opened abruptly and she said, “Get in here, both of you.”

You shot each other dirty looks and followed her in.

“So if I am understanding correctly, this is a ridiculous disagreement based on stubbornness. Let us see how well your obstinance stands up in the face of nightly detentions with Mr. Filch.”

Sirius groaned, and you looked at him. “What’s wrong with Mr. Filch?”

“Of course you’d say that. Bloody Miss Perfect.”

“That will be enough, Mr. Black. But I think we shall begin with Mr. Filch tomorrow,” McGonagall said speculatively.

Sirius’ eyes darted to her face, knowing that she was in fact an evil genius and she had thought up something truly diabolical. “Filch is great!”

She got an evil grin on her face and said, “Follow me, please.”

She led you to an empty classroom, waved her wand and turned two desks to face each other, so close as to be touching.

“Please be seated.”

Sirius groaned and threw himself into a chair, legs sprawling out in front of him.

You looked at Professor McGonagall and said meekly, “There?”

“If you please,” she said evenly.

Sirius made no effort to move his legs so you could get into the seat across from him, so you kicked his ankle. He grudgingly moved his legs to allow you to sit, then sprawled out again.

“Mr. Black, please sit up straight,” she said as she went to sit at the desk at the front of the room and spread out student parchments to mark.

“Excuse me, Professor?” you said quietly.

“Yes, Miss Y/L/N?”

“What are we supposed to do?”

“Look at each other.”

“Oh.”

“Blue really is your color, darling,” Sirius said with a smirk.

“How do you like living with Daddy Warbucks, darling?” you shot back.

“Enough!”

You both jumped a bit and looked chastened. You sat quietly for a while, looking at your handiwork and eventually smiling at each other.

In the spirit of getting along, you reached into your robe pocket and pulled out a vial. “Here,” you said as you handed it to Sirius.

“Thanks,” he said, putting it in his pocket. “I’ll get yours when we leave here, yeah?”

“Thanks,” you said softly.

After an hour of uncomfortable staring passed, Professor McGonagall said, “You may go. I will see you both in my office tomorrow evening at the same time.”

“Yes, Professor,” you said quietly.

Sirius winked at her.

Outside her office, Sirius said, “Ah, wanna walk with me and I’ll get your potion?”

“Yes, please. I could do without looking like a talking blueberry.”

Sirius laughed a little and said, “We may have gone too far.”

“Possibly,” you agreed as you started walking at his side. “We are rather more colorful than normal.”

“Yes. McGonagall is a smart one. Making you stare at me like that. Must have made you feel guilty, defacing a masterpiece such as me,” he said playfully, nudging his shoulder into yours.

“Goodness, yes. I feel nothing but remorse for my part in all this,” you said sarcastically.

“And to be honest, I actually prefer your face not blue,” he said in a sexy voice.

“I had no idea you thought about my face enough to have a preference. I believe you said you couldn’t recognize me without my nose in a book,” you said with a flirty grin.

“I may have been exaggerating when I said that,” he said with a smile.

“Oh really? I might not think you’re a moron,” you admitted with a smile.

“I was telling the truth when I said I wanted to kiss you, though,” he said.

“That one was particularly dirty of me. I’m sorry I gave you Veritasserum, Sirius,” you said sincerely.

“I’m sorry for the actions, but not sorry that it happened, because it got us talking,” he said with a smile. “So how about we declare peace?”

“Sounds good. We do have to spend the next two weeks in detention together, might as well make the best of it.”

You had arrived at the portrait hole and Sirius went and got the reversal potion.

“Thanks, Sirius,” you said. “See you tomorrow.”

“See ya.”

* * *

You had a while between your last class and dinner, so you hurried to the library to do your homework since you had detention directly after the evening meal. When you got to your spot in the library, your table was already occupied.

“Well, at least it’s just you,” you said to the smiling boy at your table.

“I thought it through and my mistake was in bringing the wrong girl here for a snog.”

“Is that so?” you asked skeptically. “And who should you have brought?”

“Well, obviously you! Come kiss me,” he said, making kissy faces.

You laughed and said, “Hold on, Romeo. As of yesterday we hated each other. I think there’s probably a step between hatred and snogging.”

“Oh, you’re one of those girls, huh?” he said with a wink.

“Yes, one of those annoying girls who wants to have a conversation before I let a boy stick his tongue in my mouth.”

Sirius laughed. “Darling, I can’t imagine why I thought you were boring.”

“Darling, if this is how you sweet talk girls, I can’t imagine how you’ve ever gotten one to kiss you.”

Sirius laughed and said, “I should let you do your homework.”

“Yes, you should.”

“But I’m going to stay here and talk to you instead.”

“Don’t make me ignore you when we just started getting along. And don’t you have homework?”

“Do homework or sweet talk a pretty girl…hmmm…which should I do?”

“You should do your homework so I can do mine,” you said with a stern look as you sat down at the end of the table where he wasn’t sitting.

Sirius sat down next to you with a huff. “You really expect me to do homework? When I’m sitting next to a beautiful girl in a make-out spot?”

“Study spot. And thank you, I also find you to be quite handsome.”

“Really? Now that is a step in the right direction. Admitting you find me irresistible is just a hop, skip and a jump away from falling madly in love with me.”

You laughed and made a face. “I said you were handsome, I didn’t say I couldn’t resist you. I think you’re going to need to do some more hopping and skipping before I let you jump me, Casanova.”

Sirius got a completely shocked look on his face before he started laughing hysterically. “You are an utter delight.”

Then Madame Pince showed up and gave you a warning, so you were quiet until it was time for dinner.

* * *

You sat in your usual places at dinner, but found yourself looking at Sirius often, and he was usually looking at you. When he caught you looking, he would wink and you would blush.

When you got up to head to detention, Sirius scampered over to walk with you, gallantly offering you his arm.

“My lady, may I accompany you to an evening of drudgery under the watchful eye of a hateful, bitter old man?”

“Goodness, you do know how to show a girl a good time,” you laughed, linking arms with him.

* * *

The evening was every bit as glamorous as Sirius had promised, yet you had fun. He was smart and witty and Merlin, he was handsome. Yet he was sweet, too. There was a side to Sirius that he didn’t show the world, but you thought maybe he was letting you in a bit. You liked him and you thought maybe he liked you, too.

After Filch let you leave for the night, you walked slowly with Sirius. “You were not kidding about the drudgery. I can’t wait to get into a hot shower and my bed.”

“I would love to join you. For either or both,” he said with an eyebrow wiggle.

“Merlin. Does that ever work?”

“Ha sometimes.”

“It won’t with me, Sirius,” you said soberly, stopping in the hallway and turning to look at him. “I’m not going to let you break my heart.”

Sirius looked at you for a while, head tilted to the side. “I think maybe you might break my heart, actually.”

“Maybe we should make a pact not to break each others’ hearts?”

“That sounds like a marvelous idea. It’s a deal, then. Do you think we should kiss on it?” he said, pulling you into his arms.

“Yes,” you said, standing on tiptoes to brush your lips against his.

Sirius smiled against your lips, then proceeded to kiss you properly.

And your toes curled. You had kissed a few boys but Merlin, this one knew what he was doing.

“So, wanna go to our spot in the library?”

“Our spot? That’s my spot,” you said tartly. “But I might consider sharing it with you.”

“So kind of you. And perhaps you would also do me the honor of accompanying me to Hogsmeade? And maybe be my girlfriend?” he said between pecks on your lips.

You looked at him speculatively and said, “Hmmm I dunno, I usually go for guys with orange, curly hair.”

Sirius laughed and pulled you into another kiss. “Who knew a prank war could end with such a delicious cease-fire?“


	7. Bark and Bite

You were hanging out at the Leaky Cauldron with some mates from the Order. You had all been at Hogwarts together, but weren’t all in the same House or the best of friends. But, going on missions together and trusting someone with your life has a way of transcending silly House rivalries. Once you had reached the unprotected outside world, House colors weren’t all that important.

So you had become a close-knit group, spending your off time together. You understood why you needed to decompress and watched each other’s backs at play as well as at work. Friendships outside the Order rather faded into the background in the shadow of war.

You and your girlfriends had plopped down at a table in the corner while most of the guys were being silly at the bar. You couldn’t help but smile at their antics. It had been a long few days with three of your number on bed rest recovering from a very near miss when a mission had gone sideways. You were all a little more keyed up than usual, and the boys were being extra ornery to cover their fear with bravado and drown it in firewhiskey.

You were not really paying attention to Lily’s conversation with Marlene and Alice when Sirius turned and scanned the room until he met your eyes and smiled, slyly sending a wink your way. You quickly looked over at your table mates, a blush dancing its way up your neck to your cheeks.

“Look who’s suddenly interested in our conversation,” Lily said smugly.

“I have no idea what you mean,” you said with a sniff.

“Merlin, you nearly dislocated your neck turning away when Black caught you looking,” Marlene laughed.

“Shut up. I hate you all,” you said pleasantly.

“I don’t know why you two aren’t together. Merlin knows you stare at each other enough,” Alice threw in.

“Well some of us weren’t thunderstruck by love the moment we saw each other. He hasn’t ever given any indication that he likes me.”

“Codswallop. That boy is mad for you,” Lily said definitely.

“No way. Sirius Black is all bark and no bite,” you said with an eyeroll and a laugh, expecting them to join in. When they didn’t, you said, “Bloody hell, is he behind me?”

Your answer came with your chair being pulled back, you being pulled up, Sirius sitting down and then pulling you into his lap. “Darling, I promise I can bark and bite. I just had no idea you liked that sort of thing,” he whispered in your ear, then proved his point by biting your earlobe.

You jumped at the sensation, then shivers ran down your spine and you squirmed a bit, causing Sirius to growl and grab your jaw to look into your eyes before gently kissing you, biting your lip to gain entrance, then sliding his tongue against yours.

“Alright you two, impressionable children about!” James yelled, comically attempting to cover Remus’ eyes so he wouldn’t see what you were doing as Remus batted his hands away.

At some point you had wrapped your arms around his neck and tangled your hands in his hair, while he had one arm wrapped around your waist and the other gripping your hip. If James hadn’t shouted, Godric knows what you would have done.

Yet you couldn’t stop staring at Sirius’ lips, and you realized you still had your arms around his neck and your hands in his hair. “Sorry,” you said nonsensically as you pulled away. When you tried to stand, though, he held you on his lap.

“I’ll let you go if you really want to,” he said quietly, “but I’ve wanted you here for years, so I’m in no hurry for you to leave.”

You smiled and said, “I’m quite comfortable.”

He smiled back and you returned to the conversation, Sirius idly rubbing your hip while you had an arm around his neck, fingers twisting curls in his hair.

After a while, you got up to use the loo and it turned into a mass female exodus from the table.

“Oh my Godric, Y/N, what does this mean?” Lily squealed, running in place and hopping up and down.

“I think it means he knows I like him.”

* * *

You used the loo and washed your hands, using a napkin to fix your slightly smeared eye makeup and applying fresh lip gloss.

When you came out to the bar area, Sirius wasn’t where you left him. Looking around, you found him with his black leather jacket on and holding your jacket. You walked over to him.

“I need to get going because I have an early day for Auror training tomorrow, but I thought maybe I could walk you home?” he said with a smile.

“Look, Sirius, despite the um  _affectionate_  reception I gave you earlier, I’m not a casual sex kind of girl. Sooooooo if that was your hope…?” you said awkwardly.

Sirius chuckled and said, “No, it was a fantastic surprise to hear that you actually liked me after all the dancing around the subject we’ve done, but I really do think you’re the tops, and I’d like to take you out. So, how about I walk you home and we talk about that and then I get to sneak in one more kiss at your door. Deal?”

“Sounds grand, yes,” you said with a happy smile.

Sirius helped you on with your jacket, held out his arm and you linked yours through it, waving to your friends and saying your goodnights. You were followed by some cheers and well-wishes, and what sounded distinctly like Alice hollering not to do anything she wouldn’t do.

“Childish, they are,” Sirius said uncomfortably.

“Nah. They just know I’ve fancied you for ages and are happy I’ll quit pining away for you now. Unless you’re stringing me along to break my poor, simple heart?” you asked, batting your eyelashes up at him.

Sirius barked a laugh and spun you to the wall of the building, then leaned against you took your face between his hands and kissed you. He started by brushing his lips against yours, then added just the right amount of pressure.

Your head was spinning and you didn’t drink that much. You had never been kissed like that before, where you just wanted to wrap yourself around a man and never let go. Your ran your hands under his leather jacket and grabbed handfuls of his t-shirt, pressing yourself even closer to him.

Sirius nibbled your lip softly and you opened your mouth, his tongue sweeping in and rubbing against yours. You broke apart when the need for air became urgent, your head thrown back and panting as he kissed along your jaw and down to your pulse point, biting and sucking and pulling a moan from deep within you.

“Merlin,” Sirius whispered.

“Sirius,” you whispered. “Merlin didn’t have anything to do with that, it was all you.”

Sirius smiled and kissed you again, softly, then said, “You inspired me.”

“Can’t wait to…inspire…you again,” you said with a wicked grin. “But maybe not out in front of a pub next time?”

“Maybe not,” he laughed, stepping back so you could walk beside him again, this time his arm draped around your shoulders and yours around his waist.

You walked down the street, neither of you in any hurry and enjoying the idle chichat as well as moments of silence. You were remarkably comfortable with him, especially considering how long it had taken the two of you to get together.

“This is me. Do you want to come up? Not for sex!” you hastily explained.

Sirius threw his head back and laughed, which made you smile. “No, after that kiss I think I need a cold shower,” he said with a wink. “When can we go out, love? Are you busy tomorrow night?”

“I would love to go out with you. What time and what should I wear?” you asked with a grin.

“You look beautiful in anything,” he said, but then before you could say his answer wasn’t good enough, “but I want to take you someplace nice. Not super fancy, but nice.”

“Ok, I can work with that,” you said.

And then Sirius gave you another toe-curling kiss and watched until you were inside, one last wave exchanged before he walked away to go home. He kept his cool saunter going until he turned the corner, then did a totally uncool victory dance.


	8. Don't You Mind?

It started at the end of fourth year, really. Sirius had started to grow like a weed and was all skinny legs and arms for a while, voice cracking in and out between a boy’s and a man’s, hairs starting to sprout randomly on his chin – not in a sexy way, but he certainly liked showing them to you.

One day he unbuttoned his shirt to show you his first chest hair. “Soon I’ll need to hire a gardener to prune it back, Y/N!”

You rolled your eyes and said, “Merlin, Sirius, I do not need any more body hair updates, thank you very much!”

But toward the end of fourth year, he started to grow into the long legs and arms, and over the summer his voice decided where it was going to stay and the beard filled in nicely, leaning more toward sexy stubble.

By the beginning of fifth year, he was gorgeous – and he bloody well knew it. Girls who had paid him little mind in the past now started throwing flirty looks his way and blushing when he flirted back.

And people would ask you, “Don’t you mind?”

And you laughed and answered truthfully, “Of course not! We’re best friends. He’s like a brother to me, really.”

And then the flirting turned into snogging, practically a different girl every day. “But you’ll always be my best girl, right, Y/N?” he’d say as he threw his arm around your shoulders and walked to class with you.

And later someone would ask, “Don’t you mind?”

And you said, “Of course not, we’re best friends, he’s not my boyfriend.”

And then the snogging turned into canceled plans, being stood up and then the inevitable, “Y’don’t mind, do ya? You’ll always be my best girl, Y/N.”

And someone would ask, “Don’t you mind?”

And you would say, “Not at all, we’re best friends!”

Then he would appear with dark circles under his eyes and purple blotches on his neck.

And someone would ask, “Don’t you mind?”

And you would say, “We’re just friends.”

But then, you started feeling… different…You were angry, unaccountably angry. He was with a different girl all the time, and you actually didn’t spend that much time with him at all by the end of sixth year.

And when he came up to you in the hallway and slung his arm around your shoulders and said, “How’s my best girl?” you shook off his arm and said, “I dunno, go check whichever broom closet you got your end away in last, maybe you’ll find her.”

Sirius watched you walk away, stunned. Had he been so busy with other girls that he had lost the one that had been there for him since the two had been sorted into Gryffindor? You had been by his side throughout all the turmoil his family had put him through, taking him under your wing from the first time he had been shunned by his Slytherin cousins, holding his hand when he would get a hateful note from home. You were his rock, the one person he could confide in completely without fear of being seen as weak or a pansy. Even James, whom he loved like a brother, was not the person he ran to when he needed comfort.

That was you.

You were the one person in the world who he could always rely on, the one person who was always on his side. Even when he had pulled his idiotic stunt with Snivellus, you had stood firm by his side, your love and devotion to him never wavering.

And how had he repaid you? By treating you like you were secondary, less important than the birds he snogged. How many times had he stood you up, only to remember later and toss out an offhand apology.

He had been a crap friend.

All of this flashed through his head in a single a-ha! moment as he watched you walk away, back stiff and step heavy in anger. He began to follow you to class, not catching up because you obviously didn’t want to be near him at the moment, and who could blame you? He had been so busy being a lady’s man and a lad’s lad that he forgot how to be a friend.

As he slowly walked to class, Sirius felt an unbearable emptiness, as if the very heart in his chest had been taken when you walked away in anger. This was a thousand times worse than when Remus and James wouldn’t speak to him.

Why was that?

Sirius stared vacantly into space for the entire class. Not that he was the most dedicated student most days, but today he was mentally absent.

Compared to the girls he snogged, you were nicer, funnier, smarter, prettier by far. You knew everything about him and you still loved him. Well, you had. You used to tell him he was the brother you had always wanted. But you hadn’t said that in a very long time.

He hadn’t even noticed you closing off and drifting away from him. He was a selfish, egotistical prat. He didn’t deserve a wonderful girl like you, even as a friend. And he knew it.

Was that why he felt such emptiness? Was that why he had driven you away in the first place, because he had always known that he didn’t deserve to be with you? That when he started feeling more than brotherly toward you he needed to push you away so that he wouldn’t shame you with his love?

Because you deserved so much more.

For the first time, Sirius acknowledged that he had been in love with you for a while, and that every time you said, “Merlin, no, we’re not dating! He’s like a brother to me,” it had broken his heart a bit more. He was utterly mad for you and so far beneath you as a peasant to a queen.

So he buried his feelings with birds, booze and pranks. If he couldn’t feel, then it wouldn’t hurt. But he had never even considered the effect his actions could have on you.

Selfish, egotistical prat.

If he wanted to do the right thing, he would let you go, let you think that he didn’t care if you were angry, that you hadn’t meant more to him than his own life. He would learn to live without you and let you live a better life without him.

But he didn’t want to do that. He was a selfish, egotistical prat, after all.

“Padfoot!”

“What?” he said, abruptly pulled from his thoughts by James shaking his shoulder and saying his name.

“S’wrong with you, mate? Been trying to get you to snap out of it for a while.”

“Oh,” he said, looking around the empty classroom, then standing and grabbing his books. “Sorry.”

“Something happen, Sirius?” Remus asked.

“Yeah. No. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it,” he mumbled, heading to the door to go to their next class.

Remus and James shared a look that said they didn’t believe him at all.

* * *

You made it through the day without crying, barely. You had not been paying attention and had gotten reprimanded by Slughorn, which of course made everyone look at you, except Sirius. He never even glanced your way.

After last class you retreated to your dorm room and got your pyjamas on and crawled in bed. Dinner, homework and responsibilities be damned.

You had the lyrics to “Big Yellow Taxi" by Joni Mitchell going through your head:

_Don’t it always seem to go,_  
That you don’t know what you’ve got  
Til its gone

The only difference was that you’d never had Sirius, not really. You were his friend, nothing more, and lately not even that. When you had at least been able to claim the role of best friend, you could tell yourself that he cared for your more than any of them, that they didn’t matter.

But then, obviously neither did you. And sadly, he mattered to you more than anything.

* * *

Your roommates eventually came up to your dorm. They respected your pulled curtains but you could hear them whispering, asking each other what happened. All anyone knew was that you had snapped at Sirius and pushed him away. Had he made some unwanted advance?

You laughed to yourself at that. Sirius Black gave himself to everyone but you.

You tried to fall asleep but your emotions we’re spilling over. You had been lying to yourself for so long about your relationship with Sirius that all the feelings that you had held back with the lies were bubbling up to the surface, like a pot boiling over. You felt like you were simply not a large enough vessel to contain all of the anger and sadness and unfortunately, love.

* * *

Sirius had just been following James around since last class. James went to dinner, so Sirius went to dinner. James put food on his plate, so Sirius put food on his. He couldn’t bring himself to eat, though. He tried a bite and it was like eating sawdust.

James and Remus had been attempting to find out what was bothering him for hours, but Sirius couldn’t say the words aloud. If he uttered them, it was real. Right now, in his numb, almost displaced state, he could pretend it wasn’t real, that he hadn’t seen such hurt and anger in your eyes, hadn’t realized that he had destroyed something precious and fragile when he crushed your feelings for him.

He followed James to the common room, sitting and staring into the fire. Any time anyone entered the room he jerked to awareness to see if it was you, but sunk further into his mind the longer he went without seeing you.

After a while longer he simply stood and went to their dorm room without a word to anyone. James and Remus looked around and asked if anyone knew what had happened.

After a while they followed him upstairs, but he was in bed with his curtains closed, staring at the Marauder’s Map and watching your name as you laid in your bed.

* * *

You were still for hours trying to fall asleep, but unable to quiet your brain. You finally got up, grabbed your dressing gown and slippers and went down to the common room. At least there you wouldn’t have to listen to the others’ peaceful slumber sounds while sleep continued to evade you.

As you suspected, the middle of the night was a good time to be alone in the common room. You sat on the sofa and stared at the fire. Apparently the house elves had been and gone as it was blazing nicely. You knew that you needed to pull yourself together and accept that Sirius simply didn’t care about you as much or the same as you did him.

You thought back to meeting when you were sorted into Gryffindor, how he had looked so relieved yet terrified. You thought about how he had been so excited to have friends when you and the boys accepted him for his heart rather than his name or his pedigree.

You watched him flourish with the love and friendship he experienced at Hogwarts, only to begin to lose the light in his eyes as the school year came to a close, and then how he clung to you at the station, delaying getting off the train, knowing his mother would never allow him to visit or receive a half blood. By the time he boarded the Hogwarts Express the fall of second year, you read anger and despair in his eyes, but when he pulled you in for a lengthy embrace, you felt it all drain away and peace settle into his form.

“So happy to see you, Y/N. Missed you,” he whispered into your hair.

You knew he would never tell you what had happened over the summer. He knew you would never ask him to, that you would simply surround him with your warmth and love.

And that was how it went: inseparable during the school year, a few owls over the summer and then he came back to life in your arms.

But all of that changed fifth year. He swaggered onto the train and stopped needing you.

“He doesn’t need me,” you said aloud.

“Then he’s a fool,” you heard Sirius say from the dark.

You jumped and found his pale eyes shining at you from the stairway.

“Anyone who thinks he could ever have you in his life and then live without you is a fool,” he continued. “I only lost you today and I am already…bereft.”

“Go away, Sirius,” you said sadly.

“I will, I know you don’t want to be near me anymore. But I want you to know I’m sorry. I was an idiot and you deserve better. In my defense, I always knew you were too good for me so I think I just sped up the inevitable by being an arse, y’know?”

“What are you talking about, idiot?”

Sirius chuckled. You had called him that so many times that it was almost an endearment. “I’m talking about how I think I’ve always loved you but didn’t realize it til I lost you from my life. And now I’ve buggered things so thoroughly that I sincerely don’t expect you ever to forgive me, let alone consider me as husband material,” he said with another rueful laugh.

“ _Husband material_? What are you on about?” you said indignantly, jumping to your feet, fists clenched. “You couldn’t even be bothered to walk to Hogsmeade with me for the last two years. You’ve shagged every slag in the upper levels. Am I expected to believe that you were attempting to woo me by ignoring me, standing me up, forgetting my birthday and fucking the female population of Hogwarts, but somewhere deep inside there is a young man who loves me and just never realized that your feelings were romantic?”

He shook his head and said, “I wouldn’t even admit it to myself, no reason you should believe me. I absolutely wasn’t trying to woo you since I wouldn’t admit that you were more than a friend in my heart.”

“So what am I supposed to do with this now?”

“I have no expectations, Y/N. I think deep inside this is what I actually knew would happen. It just took a lot longer than I expected. And then today I saw more than anger, I saw hurt. I’m such a selfish prick that it never occurred to me that I was hurting you. I don’t think I thought I was worth hurting for, actually.”

“I want to hit you and make you hurt like you hurt me,” you said in a quivering voice, tears streaming down your face as you looked at the floor.

You saw Sirius’ bare feet appear, toes almost touching your slippers. You looked up into his eyes.

“Go ahead. I deserve it. Beat me, it can’t possibly hurt more than knowing that I hurt the person I love more than anyone in the world.”

“Do you have any idea why it took your Grand Subconscious Scheme so long to get rid of me?  _Do you_?”

“No. I assumed because you’re the best, most loyal friend anyone could ask for. Because you saw something worthwhile in me? I have no idea what that would be, though. I thought about it a lot today, and I have no idea why you stayed by my side for so long.”

“People have always assumed we were a couple. Did you know that?”

“No. Did they?” He seemed genuinely surprised. “Why?”

“People would always ask me if I minded when you ran off with one girl or another,” you said, ignoring his question. “'Don’t you mind?’ they would ask.”

“Darling…” he began helplessly.

“And I would say, ‘Of course not, he’s not my boyfriend.’ And I would smile while I was dying inside. Not only because I wanted to be the girl you kissed and held, but because when you didn’t see me as  _wife material_  you stopped seeing me at all. You tossed me aside like a used tissue, Sirius!”

“Wait, you wanted…?”

“It doesn’t matter what I wanted, Sirius! Because I haven’t had a choice since the first time I laid eyes on you.”

“What?” he whispered, hoping he understood but worrying that he didn’t. “You wanted me? To be with…you?”

“Yes. Past tense. I wanted you. But I can’t want someone who doesn’t care who he hurts as long as he gets to have whatever hedonistic fun he wants. So, now you tell me that it was all to cover up the fact that you loved me. Well la de da, Sirius Black! That doesn’t make the pain go away.”

You weren’t the only one crying at this point. Sirius dropped to his knees and began to silently sob, arms wrapped around himself and rocking.

“Why are you crying?” you asked cruelly, still crying yourself. “Your plan worked. I’m not going to follow you around anymore.”

And then you collapsed next to Sirius, unable to deliberately cause him pain anymore. You wrapped your arms around him and whispered, “Sirius, I’m sorry, don’t cry anymore, I’m sorry, love.”

He felt you hold him and sobbed harder, then wrapped himself around you in a death grip. You whispered gibberish to each other, not really understanding what the other said, but the act of holding each other close needed no words. You calmed down and realized that you were laying in a dogpile on the floor, wrapped around each other in what had evolved from anguish to comfort.

Sirius pulled away from you and sat up when you did, looking thoroughly miserable and confused and ashamed. “Y/N, please let me be a selfish prick one last time and ask you to forgive me. I understand if you don’t want to spend time with me, but please don’t…hate me?”

You laughed. “How do you not understand, you idiot? I wasn’t angry because I hate you, I was furious because I love you. I was jealous!”

“But I understand if you do hate me, I have nothing. I am nothing,” he said, sounding as if he was instructing a child. “You deserve more.”

You stared at his earnest expression for a moment and realized that he genuinely believed that you could not possibly want to be with him. “I think perhaps I’m angry for another reason now.”

“What?” he asked, completely confused.

“I am angry because you are making decisions for me without consulting me. What makes you think you get to do that, Sirius Black?” you said, pinching his arm.

“Ow!” he exclaimed, rubbing the spot you pinched. “What am I meant to have decided for you?”

“You’re so busy hating yourself you didn’t even hear me say I love you.”

“You’ve told me you love me for years. I’m the brother you never had, you said so.”

“I haven’t said that for years. Not since it would have been very very wrong to think of you as a brother.”

“Why would it be wrong?”

Words didn’t seem to be working, so you took action. You placed a hand on his cheek and leaned in and kissed him, watching his expression change from confusion to astonishment to joy.

When you pulled back he said, “Wait, you  _love_  love me?”

“Yes, Sirius, I  _love_  love you. Have for ages now.”

“Why did you say I was like a brother?” he said loudly.

“Why did you shag all those other girls?” you said back louder.

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

“So we’re both idiots.”

“Succinct yet accurate.”

Sirius threw himself to the floor dramatically, then sat back up quickly. You were well used to his lightning mood changes and didn’t blink an eye, merely waited for his next revelation.

“Will you go out with me?” he asked excitedly, as if the possibility just occurred to him.

“Do you think we should jump right into that?”

“This is me reconsidering proposing marriage down to asking you to be my girlfriend and then just asking for a date. I dunno where to downgrade from a date.”

And you realized that it was time to find out if you could really be more than friends, if you really loved each other enough to forgive and make it work together.

“Yes, let’s go out. Let’s see where this goes. The suspense is killing me,” you said with a smile.

Sirius smiled back, then gently stroked your hair and placed his hand on your cheek, looking at you for permission. You answered by leaning forward and meeting him halfway. You went to a school for witches and wizards, yet you had never experienced anything so magical.

“Merlin I wish I had done that years ago,” he said. “But now I know.”

“Know what?” you whispered.

“That it’s different with you. I wish I had never kissed another girl, but I know without question that this right here is perfection.”

You hugged him close and kissed again, then snuggled against him and said, “If I ever see another hickey on you that I didn’t put there, I will kill you and the slag who’s fool enough to touch what’s mine. Because you’re  _mine_ , Sirius Black.”

“Yes. I promise, love, no one will ever doubt that,” he said, hesitant again. “But don’t you mind that people will think less of you for being with me?”

“That is one thing that I will never, ever mind, because anyone who could ever think that of you is someone that I would never want to be around anyway. You’re all I’ve ever wanted, Sirius. The rest of the world can hang, as long as I have you.”

Sirius pulled you close, never dreaming that you could feel for him as he did for you, but your words described his feelings perfectly. “Love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, too, Sirius. Never doubt that.”

“You should probably tell me every five minutes or so until I’m used to it. And kiss me. You should also kiss me a lot,” he said with a cheeky grin.

You smiled and kissed him gently. You had some healing and talking to do, but you had made a new beginning together, and your hearts were mending. The reality might take some work, but dreams were for children. You and Sirius were going to make a life together, and that was better than any dream.


	9. They're Just Girls

“This is the year, Jamesy. This is the year,” Sirius said at the platform as they waited for the Hogwarts Express. It was their sixth year and Sirius knew this was going to be a great one.

“What makes you think this year will be any different with Y/N?” James scoffed.

“Because her last brother finished school last year.”

“D’you really think that’s the only reason she turned you down?”

“Course! I mean, look at me! Who wouldn’t want this?” Sirius said, not even being arrogant, just stating the obvious. He truly was the epitome of male beauty.

“Sirius,” Euphemia Potter said gently. Bollocks, the boys had forgotten their parents were within earshot. “Regardless of whether your handsomeness is obvious, it may be considered boastful to compose poetry to your own image.”

“Yes, Mum,” Sirius said obediently.

James elbowed Sirius, pointing to a group of people. Y/N and her troop of brothers. Merlin they were intimidating! But Merlin, she was lovely. She was worth the three times her brothers had roughed him up.

“Gonna go say hello,” Sirius said, a goofy look on his face.

Euphemia and James shared a look and followed Sirius over to the Y/L/N clan gathered to see off their baby sister. She hoped that her presence might keep Sirius from a fourth black eye.

Euphemia stepped lively to catch up with Sirius’ and James’ long strides, but one of the Y/L/N boys already had Sirius by the front of his t-shirt.

“When are you going to learn, Black?”

“Y/B/N, stop it! He only said hello, for Godric’s sake!” you blustered.

“Well, we’ve told him often enough never to speak to you again, seems like he needs another lesson,” he said, giving Sirius a little shake.

Sirius had the same goofy look on his face as he had when he first said hello. Euphemia had arrived and said, “Hello, Mrs. Y/L/N. I will thank you to have your sons release mine.”

“Boys, settle down,” your mother said sternly. “Mrs. Potter, I thought this was the Black boy.”

Euphemia pulled herself to her full height, placed her hand on Sirius’ shoulder and said, “I love this boy as a son, therefore he’s mine.”

Sirius blushed and looked down, warmed at his Mum’s words but sorry to have acted impulsively so that she’d had to rescue him. “Sorry, Mum,” he whispered.

Euphemia squeezed his shoulder gently to let him know she’d heard him but kept up eye contact with your mother.

“Mum,” you said quietly to your own mother, “Sirius has never done anything to me but ask me out. The boys have been against him from the start.”

Sirius positively beamed at you. You gave him a look that said he owed you. He winked back and you rolled your eyes.

It was true, though. Sirius might get around with the girls at school, but he had only ever been a gentleman with you. Honestly, you had never been alone with him but you didn’t think he was as bad as your brothers made him out to be.

“Boys,” your Mum said, “your sister is old enough to make her own choices. And Mrs. Potter assures me that her son’s intentions toward her are entirely honorable. So, let’s get her loaded up and say our goodbyes.”

Euphemia nodded to your mother, one protective parent to another, and your mother nodded back. Sirius was still staring at you with a goofy expression and you were blushing.

“Well, we’ll leave you to say your goodbyes,” Euphemia said, grabbing Sirius by the arm and pulling him away as James politely smiled at your family.

When they had returned to Fleamont and the luggage, Euphemia squeezed Sirius’ arm where she still held it to emphasize her words. “Sirius, I love you, but if you don’t treat that girl with respect after I gave my word to her mother, I will personally deliver you to her brothers with a bow, do you understand me?”

“Yes, Mum. And I love you, too,” he said with a slight blush, still overwhelmed by her easy affection after his cold upbringing.

“Give us hugs, boys,” she said, gathering James and Sirius to her, Fleamont patting backs and shaking hands.

“Be good boys, but not too good,” he said with a smile, avoiding the swat from his wife.

* * *

On the train they were joined by Remus and Peter, where they caught up on the parts of their summers they hadn’t spent together and plotted pranks for the coming year.

Sirius was only half in the conversation, though. His mind was on you.

“Merlin, Sirius, you’ve snogged half the girls at Hogwarts,” James exaggerated, “what’s so special about Y/N?”

“They’re just girls,” he said on a sigh. “Y/N is a goddess. In fact, I think I’ll go say hello to My Goddess.”

Sirius bolted for the door with James hot on his heels, saying, “Remember what you promised Mum!”

* * *

You were in a carriage with your friends from a mix of houses – well, except Slytherin. Feelings were running too hot with war on the horizon. Even the Slytherin who weren’t blood fanatics steered clear of the other houses to avoid the wrath of those who were. Some people you had been friendly with in first and second year ignored your existence now.

“I saw your brothers playing catch with Sirius, Y/N. When is that boy going to learn?” Lily asked. “He and James might as well be brothers, neither one knows the meaning of ‘No.’”

“Actually,” you said soberly, “I’ve never said no to Sirius. That was my brothers.”

“Do you mean you fancy him?” Marlene asked shrewdly.

“He’s very handsome and smart. I don’t know him well enough to fancy him. My brothers are a bunch of Neanderthals who think I’m too weak and stupid to resist his charms. They never let me get close enough to know. But I certainly wouldn’t mind finding out!”

“Traitor! I thought we were friends!” Lily exclaimed.

You laughed and said, “How does not being averse to getting to know Sirius make me a traitor, dearest?”

“Because if you talk to Sirius, James will expect me to talk to him.”

“That’s slightly irrational and I think you’re reaching for a reason to talk to James. Are you finally ready to admit you have a crush on him?” you asked mischievously.

Lily gasped, offended. “How dare you –”

“James! And Sirius, hello!” you said loudly to interrupt Lily as the boys appeared at the door to your carriage.

“Hello, ladies. Did you have a nice summer?” James asked, but his eyes were only for Lily, as Sirius’ eyes had not left you. And he had that silly look on his face that made you blush and short of breath at the same time.

You stood and said, “I feel a bit peckish. I think I’m going to go hunt down the Trolley Witch.”

Sirius just looked at you until James elbowed him, then he jumped a little and said, “I’ll go with you!”

You smiled at him and said, “Oh, super!” like it hadn’t been your intention all along.

You made your way down the train together, a bit awkwardly quiet. Then you saw an empty carriage and dragged Sirius into it with you.

“Alright, Sirius, you can talk now. Why?”

“What?”

“Why? Why have you been chasing me, willing to get thumped on by my brothers for all this time? It’s not like you haven’t dated other girls. Why me?”

Sirius seemed to gather his words for a moment. “You are absolutely ethereal in your loveliness, but it isn’t about your looks. There is something special about you. You have this quality that makes you different, and makes me want to solve all of your mysteries. I have felt almost a compulsion to get to know you,” he answered you earnestly.

“And what about all the other birds you l’ve been with?”

Sirius shrugged. “I don’t know how to explain it. They’re just girls. You are every poem ever written, every song ever sung. I don’t know how else to say it.

“You are magic and music and flying and starlight and if I don’t get to solve your mysteries I think I might go quite mad.”

You were absolutely mesmerized, then shook yourself and said jokingly, “That was a wonderful line. Does it usually work?”

Sirius shook his head a bit sadly and said, “It’s no line, but I understand if you need time to believe it. All I ask is for the chance.”

You took a step closer to Sirius and put your hands on his shoulders then stood on your tiptoes and kissed his cheek.

“I think you might have a few mysteries I’d like to solve, too. Let’s investigate together, shall we?”

“Yes,” Sirius said, looking into your eyes for permission before he very gently brushed his lips against yours. Then you sat down in the empty carriage and talked all the way to Hogwarts, both looking forward to the school year as you never had before.


	10. Meant to Be

“I can’t believe we have to spend the summer with your cousin,” Sirius pouted, using his wand to magically juggle balled up socks from his laundry.

“Eh, Pudge isn’t so bad. We got up to some great antics last time we spent the summer together.”

“Still. Pudge needs to stay out of the way. We have big plans and I’m not keen on some vagabond cousin interfering.”

“Pudge is a bit of all right, you’ll see.”

“Boys,” they heard Euphemia call up the stairs. “Come on down and say hello.”

“Ugh. Here we go,” Sirius grumbled.

* * *

You heard a stampede behind you and wondered who the addition to James was that comprised ‘the boys.’

“Come and sit down and tell me all about all your travels,” Euphemia said as she linked arms with you and led you into the parlor.

“Well, we were in the U.S. for a while so I went to Ilvermorny for my first two years of school, then Japan and the Mahoutokoro School of Magic for a year, then Durmstang for a year, then back to Ilvermorny and now Hogwarts.”

“Goodness, you’ve been all over the world!” Euphemia marveled. “I’ve always wondered what Japan is like.”

James burst into the room at that point, exclaiming, “Pudge!” as he pulled you into a hug.

You laughed and hugged him back and said, “Ugh, Jamie, don’t call me that awful name anymore!”

“Oh all grown up and rejecting my affection, eh? LOVE ME, PUDGE!”

“Oh crud, I’d forgotten what a bonehead you can be,” you said, wrestling to get away from James’ obnoxious hugs and wet kisses on the cheeks, laughing hysterically.

Meanwhile, Sirius stood just inside the door to the parlor thinking,  _This is PUDGE?_  He was gobsmacked. He had been under the impression that James’ cousin was an overweight male, not a gorgeous female with long glorious legs and –

“Sirius!”

“Huh?” he snapped out of his trance.

“This is my cousin Y/N,” James said. “Pudge, this is my best mate Sirius.”

“Hello, please don’t call me Pudge,” you said with a friendly smile.

Sirius just looked at you as if you weren’t speaking English.

Euphemia jumped in and led you back to the sofa and gave James the Mum eye-shift that indicated that James should collect Sirius and see why he was behaving like an utter imbecile.

“I’ll just go…make sure that…Sirius takes his medicine,” James said lamely, heading to the doorway and dragging Sirius back upstairs, slapping him upside the head when they were back in the safety of James’ bedroom.

Sirius was mortified to hear you murmur, “Oh, dear, I didn’t mean to upset him. Is his condition serious?”

“Not at all, dearest. He’ll be fine.”

* * *

“That is Pudge?” Sirius blurted when they reached James’ bedroom. “That is not a bird ya call Pudge, Prongs!”

“Well, I haven’t seen her for a few years, but she used to be a right chunk.”

“Still. I thought she was a fat bloke and here she is a beautiful girl.”

“No, Padfoot!” James said sternly.

“What?” Sirius said innocently.

“I don’t care if she’s the prettiest girl you’ve ever seen, you are not going to sweet talk her!”

“Course not!” Sirius said indignantly. “I can notice a pretty girl without trying to get with her.”

“Right. Remember that,” James said. “Mum and her mother are really close, so Mum adores Pudge.”

“Maybe if I think of her as Pudge it’ll make it easier,” he joked.

“Do whatever it takes, because she’s off limits.”

* * *

When the boys came back downstairs, you smiled sweetly at Sirius and said, “Are you feeling better?”

“Huh?” Sirius said, confused until James elbowed him. “Oh, yes, much better. Thank you, Pudge.”

The smile left your face quickly. So much for attempting to be friendly with James’ friend. And you were apparently going to be with him all summer.

Sirius saw you frown and said, “Sorry, Y/N. James had referred to you as Pudge so I just thought of you that way. I’ll try not to call you that.”

“Thanks,” you said with a smile.

* * *

You all went to the Potters’ lake cottage and the three of you spent most days swimming, boating and getting up to trouble. A few of the other families were acquaintances from Hogwarts, so the Potters had a few small gatherings.

Remus and Peter spent part of the time there, and you tried to give them boy time but you learned quickly that when Sirius decided he liked you, you became joined at the hip. He simply grabbed you by the hand and dragged you along with him.

“Merlin, Sirius, you’d think I was your favorite cuddly toy the way you drag me everywhere!”

“Cuddly, yes. But never a toy, darling,” he said with a wink.

“Oh bah, save the romance for James,” you said with an eyeroll. “I could never come between you two.”

“You know my heart belongs to Lily, Pudge,” James yelled over his shoulder.

You were currently being dragged through some woods on your way back from getting ice cream in the village.

“Quit calling me that, James!”

“Don’t blame me if you don’t have an equally embarrassing name for me, Pudge.”

“He has a point, love,” Sirius said with an evil grin, giving you an equally evil idea.

“You’re right, of course. Puddles.”

James stopped dead, causing Sirius to run into his back and you to run into Sirius. “You wouldn’t dare.”

Sirius laughed and said, “I’ve only known her a few weeks and I already know she would.”

You gave Sirius a brilliant smile and then looked over at James.

“Et tu, Padfoot?” he said, bemoaning Sirius’ betrayal.

“Admit it, she’s got you,” Sirius said, pulling you into his side in a half hug.

James gave Sirius a contemplative look and said, “Yeah, she got me. We better get back. Wouldn’t want to upset Mum, would we?”

And Sirius stopped laughing and dropped his arm from your shoulders, the unspoken reminder that you were off limits enough to make him step away.

* * *

James and Sirius had a few lads’ days after that. You found it odd that all of a sudden you weren’t their third anymore, but you supposed they were entitled to their own plans. You were the interloper, after all.

Still, you had grown attached to the troublemakers and missed roaming with them. You found yourself at loose ends, so you went for walks around the lake.

On one of the walks, you heard your name being called. “Y/N!”

You turned and saw a young man you had met at one of the cookouts. His younger sister was a year or two behind you and you remembered that he was a pleasant sort, but were drawing a complete blank on his name. You smiled as he trotted over to you.

“Hello,” you said a bit awkwardly. “How are you?”

“Fine, thanks. Name’s Olan, by the way. I know you’ve met a lot of new people,” he said in a friendly manner. “Mind if I walk with you?”

“That would be great, Olan!” you said enthusiastically, happy for some company. James and Sirius had been too busy for you for the last few days. You weren’t sure what had happened, but you assumed that Sirius was not pleased with you always tagging along since Jamie had always gotten along with you in the past.

You walked and talked with Olan for quite a while. As you approached the Potters’ cabin, Olan asked if you might like to go out to dinner in the little village.

“Oh, my goodness. Yes, that sounds nice. I’ll have to check with Auntie and Uncle to see if it’s alright with them. Would you like to come in for some lemonade?”

* * *

Sirius and James had seen you arrive at the Potter cottage with Olan and overheard him ask you out. Sirius started to storm inside while James pulled him back.

“What are you doing, mate?” James hissed, hand on Sirius’ arm.

“She can’t go out with him, he’s like three years older than her!” Sirius hissed back, jerking his arm out of James’ grip.

“She’s not your sister, Padfoot,” James said sarcastically.

“Thank Merlin for that,” Sirius muttered under his breath.

“Hey, I thought we agreed she’s off limits?”

“I haven’t done a damned thing. I’ve barely spoken to her, alright? But I can’t control how I feel,” Sirius said sullenly.

James looked at Sirius, really looked at him, and said, “You really like her? Not just for a snog?”

“Yeah,” Sirius said quietly.

“Bollocks. Why didn’t you say so?”

“Because we both know it’s for the best anyway. I’m always making a cock-up of one thing or another, yeah?” Sirius said with a self-deprecating smile.

“That was Sirius Black. You’re a Potter now,” James said with an affectionate smack to the back of Sirius’ head.

“Ha, thanks, Prongs,” Sirius said good-naturedly.

“Cheers, mate. Let’s go sabotage Pudge’s love life, yeah?”

* * *

“Oh I am so sorry, Olan, but I got an owl today from your Mum, Y/N, and she’s coming later today to see you.”

“No problem, Y/N, I know you must miss your parents. Maybe another time?” he said sweetly.

“She’s probably going to be really busy for the rest of the summer,” James said loudly.

“Jamie!” you said, embarrassed. “I’m sure we’ll have a chance, Olan, thank you.”

“I’ll be off,” Olan said, looking uncomfortably at James and Sirius who were frowning at him in an attempt to politely intimidate him.

“I’ll walk you to the door,” you said, throwing the boys a dirty look over your shoulder.

“I am not going to ask. Your aunt will be here for dinner, so go get cleaned up. You both look like you were wrestling with dugbogs, and you smell like you lost. Off you go,” Euphemia directed as she headed to the kitchen to plan dinner.

* * *

“Mum!” you said excitedly as you heard the crack of an apparation. You ran and gave her a big hug.

“Hello, my darling! How has your summer been?” your Mum asked, holding you close. “Merlin, let me look at you. You’re so tan! And I think you’ve grown a few inches. You’ll need all new robes for school, won’t you?”

“Hello, dear,” Euphemia said, briefly hugging your mother. “Y/N, would you go fetch the boys?”

“Boys? I know it’s been a while but I was almost certain you only had the one boy,” your mother joked.

Just then, James and Sirius arrived and James said, “I always wanted a brother and he was such a bargain we couldn’t resist.” Then he came and hugged your mum and said, “It’s good to see you, Auntie. This is my best friend Sirius.”

Sirius looked extraordinarily nervous as he came over and shook your mother’s hand. “Lovely to meet you, Mrs. Y/L/N.”

“Nice to meet you, too, Sirius.”

* * *

You had a lovely evening catching up with your mum. Auntie Euphemia made a delicious dinner and then you went with a walk around the lake with your mum.

“So, Sirius is a handsome young man,” she said innocently.

“Yes, he is,” you answered non-committally.

“He seems quite nice, too,” she added.

“Yes. Smart and funny, too. We’ve had quite a fun time this summer.”

“I don’t recall hearing his last name,” she said, just realizing that fact.

“It’s Black.”

“Black. As in the blood purist fanatic Blacks?” she asked as she stopped walking, alarmed.

“Yes, but he’s not like them,” you said, quick to defend him.

“Merlin, what’s James doing making friends with a Black? And why is Euphemia allowing it?” she asked as if you hadn’t said a word, seemingly almost in a panic.

“Mum! Sirius is wonderful! He’s not like his family! You had better be nice to him,” you threatened.

“I’m taking you with me, young lady!” she said unreasonably. “Come now, we’re going to pack your things.”

“I  _categorically_  refuse, Mother. Sirius has been nothing but kind to me. I will not tolerate you being unkind to him. He is part of their family. If all you’re going to do is judge him based on his name then you can just crack on out of here now.”

“Y/N! What’s gotten into you?”

“What’s gotten into you, Mum? This isn’t who you raised me to be! Judge someone based on their family?” you asked hotly. “Auntie Euphemia loves him like a son. Do you not trust her judgment?”

“You’re right,” she sighed. “Of course you’re right. It’s just…principles are so much easier to uphold when it isn’t your baby at risk.”

“M’not a baby, Mum,” you huffed.

“No, but you’re  _my_  baby,” she said, pulling you in for a hug. “Now, tell me all about the adventures you’ve gotten up to with those boys. I know you and Jamie used to find all sorts of trouble.”

* * *

You chatted with your mum for a while longer, then she was off to go back to your father. You sent your love to him and said you looked forward to being together as a family again.

When you went inside you noticed that most of the lights were off, so you went into the parlor to sit and think. You had been very surprised at your mother’s reaction to finding out Sirius’ surname, but moreso at your hot defense of his goodness.

“Your Mum gone?” you heard the very person you were thinking of ask quietly.

“Yes. We had a nice visit.”

“Good. Did you tell her my last name?” he asked casually, but you knew it was anything but casual.

“Yes, I did,” you said, patting the sofa next to you to invite him to sit.

“Did she have an opinion on that?” he asked quietly, not looking you in the eye as he joined you.

“Yes. At first she was concerned. But I told her you’re a wonderful person and that she mustn’t judge you based on others’ actions.”

“You think I’m wonderful?” he whispered.

“Yeah, I do,” you whispered back.

“I think you’re pretty wonderful, too,” he said with a smile.

You looked into each other’s eyes for a long moment, and you wondered if he was going to kiss you. Did you want him to kiss you?

But Sirius cleared his throat and said, “I reckon I should get to bed. We should all go to the lake tomorrow, yeah?”

“That sounds fun. Goodnight,” you said softly.

“G’night, Y/N.”

* * *

The rest of your summer vacation was spent as it began, with all your time spent with James and Sirius and no mention made of the period in the middle where they went off without you.

The time had come for you to do your school shopping. You bought plain robes and the seamstress kept your measurements on file so Euphemia could order you some for the proper House after you were sorted.

Books and supplies were purchased aplenty, and James and Sirius introduced you to everyone they saw that they knew while you were shopping. You were especially pleased to meet some girls your age. While you loved spending time with the lads, sometimes a girl wants to be with other girls. Plus there was a chance you might wind up rooming with some of them, so you made sure to be polite and make a good impression.

Sirius threw his arm across your shoulders several times to drag you along and show you places. You hadn’t the heart to tell him it wasn’t your first trip to Diagon Alley, but you shared a few looks with James and Auntie that said they understood you were indulging him and to let it go. He was having such fun playing tour guide that it would have broken his heart to tell him otherwise.

At the end of the day, you returned to the Potter house, tired and overwhelmed with all of the new people you had met. You hoped they wouldn’t be too upset if you couldn’t keep them all straight.

“Merlin, you introduced me to so many people today, I won’t remember their names when we get to school and they’ll hate me!” you worried.

“Nonsense, love. James and I will be with you,” Sirius said matter-of-factly. “Besides, who could hate you?”

“Everyone who hates us, I reckon,” James said reasonably. “And all the girls who chase you.”

“Why would the girls who chase him hate me?” you asked James, confused.

Since you were facing James, you didn’t see the daggers Sirius shot at him with his eyes, but James did and stammered, “Well they just don’t like anyone he spends time with.”

“That seems silly. You should be allowed to have female friends, Sirius.”

“I think so too. They’re just so childish, y’know?”

“I’m so nervous! I hope I get Gryffindor! I want you to be my house brothers!”

“Whoa, we’re not brothers in Gryffindor. More House  _mates_. So no brother sister thing,” Sirius said quickly.

“Maybe I should hope for Ravenclaw,” you said sarcastically.

“Nah, you’re our girl, you’ll be in Gryffindor.”

* * *

“Gryffindor!”

The boys applauded and hooted as you made your way over to sit with them. Sirius drew you close and kissed the crown of your head enthusiastically as James and Remus patted your shoulder and the girls applauded.

“Knew you were one of the brave at heart, love,” Sirius whispered in your ear, sending a shiver down your spine as you smiled up at him.

Merlin, he was wonderful.

* * *

It was a few weeks into the semester and classes were going well. The curricula at your other schools were apparently close enough that you were able to keep up with all of your lessons, with a little help from your friends. Lily was a whiz at potions and helped you with learning different names for ingredients, Remus was a DADA genius and Sirius was amazing with stars, so Astronomy was smooth sailing as well.

In fact, you may have spent a few more nights than necessary in the Astronomy Tower with Sirius. You spent most of your free time with him and the rest of the boys, but you were absolutely falling for him.

And you weren’t entirely certain it was a good idea.

You felt a bit dim for it not occurring to you before, what with Sirius being the most handsome, funniest, smartest and coolest boy you had ever met, but it seemed he had a bit of a reputation with the ladies. It appeared that you were not the only female to hold a high opinion of Sirius.

But as far as you knew, he hadn’t been seeing any of the girls who were pining for him. He was a mystery, though. He had seemed jealous of Olan at the lake, and he had given a few boys who had been friendly with you the evil eye, yet he had not expressed any interest in you himself.

You wished you had someone to talk to about it, but at this point everyone you knew had been his friend longer than yours.

Except Jamie. Would he be honest with you? You decided you had to try.

* * *

You went back to the common room, looking for your cousin. That in itself would be difficult as he was usually within inches of Sirius. Honestly, any girl who dated either of them better bloody well like the other, because they were a package deal.

Lo and behold, Sirius, Remus and Peter were gathered together with no sign of James.

“Hello,” you said as they hushed up when you approached. “Am I interrupting?”

“Course not, love,” Sirius obviously lied.

“Alright, anyone know where James is? Then I’ll get out of your hair, even though I’m not interrupting,” you said with a wink.

Remus smiled and said, “He’s down at the Quidditch pitch. He should be heading back soon.”

“Thanks! I think I’ll go see if I can walk him back.”

“I’ll walk with you,” Sirius offered.

“Nah, go back to whatever evil you were plotting,” you teased, laughing as you turned away to head outside.

* * *

“That’s a bit odd, isn’t it?” Sirius asked Remus and Peter.

“What?” Remus said, mind back on the plan to prank some Slytherins who had been giving firsties a hard time.

“Y/N looking for James.”

“He’s her cousin. Don’t tell me you’re jealous of him talking to your one true love?” Remus said sarcastically.

“Of course not. But…they’re not  _first_  cousins,” he said, looking at the portrait hole in consternation.

“They’re not Blacks, either. I would imagine they like to stir up the gene pool a bit more than your relatives,” Remus said, eyes still on the diagram. “I also find it interesting that you didn’t correct me referring to her as your one true love.”

Sirius drew in a quick breath and muttered, “Bloody fucking hell, I didn’t.”

“Might mean she is,” Peter pointed out.

* * *

You reached the Quidditch pitch when they were wrapping up a few last maneuvers and training drills. James certainly did take his team seriously. But then, he had always done everything full-tilt, no reason to expect him to pull up when it came to sport.

He waved to you when he noticed you waiting for him, then came over to you when he had locked up the equipment.

“What brings you here, Pudge?” he said, then said quickly, “Y/N I meant Y/N! Please don’t tell Lily my nickname is Puddles,” when you scowled.

“I wanted to talk to you, actually,” you said, letting the illegal nickname use slide since he corrected himself and no one heard, however you filed the reaction away for future blackmail purposes.

“Bout what?”

“Sirius, actually,” you replied as you fell into step next to him.

“What about him?” he responded hesitantly, covertly peeking at you.

“Well, that’s not at all suspicious, Jamie,” you said with an eye roll. “I just wondered. I mean. So the thing is…”

“Merlin, Pu–Y/N, spit it out. I want to go to dinner.”

“I’ve heard that he gets around. With girls.”

“…And?” he said, having absolutely no idea how to handle this development.

“Dammit, Jamie!” you huffed, grabbing his arm to stop him and look him in they eye. “I like him. I really like him. Should I stop? Is he a womanizer? Could he like me? Will he break my heart?”

“I…he…”James stuttered, not knowing what to say.

You stomped your foot in frustration and let out a quick shriek of temper. “Males! I should have known you would stick together,” you muttered as you turned to walk away.

James grabbed your arm and pulled you back. “Pudge, listen. Sirius is a good person. If you two ever got together he would not cheat on you or intentionally break your heart. He’s like a brother to me, though, and he knows how much I love you, so I don’t know whether he would ever ask you out. That’s up to you “

You smiled and gave him a hug and said, “Love you too, Jamie. But yikes, you need a shower. Let’s head back.”

* * *

You were distracted during dinner and Sirius hadn’t been able to pull James aside to find out what you had wanted to talk to him about earlier. He was worried that something was wrong. Was someone bothering you? You’d tell him wouldn’t you?

You were sitting next to Remus and he had tried to draw you into conversation a few times and you chatted for a moment or two and then went back to your faraway expression. You also seemed to be studiously avoiding looking in his direction…had he done something?

After dinner, Sirius grabbed James and led him away from the crowd to have a quick word.

James sighed. Between two lovesick idiots was a surprisingly uncomfortable place to be when you actually cared about both of them. “What?”

“What did Y/N want to talk to you about earlier?” he came right out and asked.

“Wow, no beating about the bush, eh?”

“Spill it, Prongs. Is she angry with me?”

“Angry? No, where did you get that idea, twit?”

“What did she want to talk to you about?” Sirius asked again, exasperated.

“She heard about your reputation.”

“Fuck,” he hissed under his breath.

“She was bound to, Padfoot.”

“I know. I just…I dunno, I thought it would take longer. Like…after we were married with a few kids.”

“What?” James exclaimed, shocked. “Are you that serious about her?”

“Do you think I would risk the only people who have ever cared about me for anything less than someone I think I could be with forever?”

“Pads…you have my permission to marry her.”

“Thanks, mate. Should probably start with a date, though.”

“Go get her,” James said with a laugh, heading up to the common room to do his homework while Sirius contemplated his approach.

* * *

Sirius took a roundabout way to the common room, debating whether he should just ask you out or do something flashy. He stepped through the portrait hole to find Lily pacing worriedly. “There you are!”

“What?”

“Some girls really went at Y/N after dinner about you, and she was upset.”

Sirius hurried over to Lily, gripping her arms and restraining himself from shaking her. “What happened? Is she alright? Where is she?”

“They told her how you’ve had half the girls at Hogwarts and she was nothing special, and how everyone assumed she was just your latest slag and you’d use her up and toss her aside.”

The color drained from Sirius’ face, Lily wasn’t sure whether in anger or fear. He ran to the steps to his dorm, looking for James. He wasn’t there, but the Map was. Sirius found you on it, wandering aimlessly and stopping every so often. He took off running to find you.

* * *

“Y/N,” you heard Sirius calling.

“Sirius?”

He came running up to you, out of breath and a bit sweaty.

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” you asked, going to him and taking his hand while he caught his breath.

“Was….worried…about you,” he panted out.

“Why?”

“Lily said some girls were at you and being mean…?”

“Oh, love, and you were worried?”

“Yes?” he said, not understanding. “Did they not upset you?”

“I’ve been to three schools in five years. I understand how girls work. They were trying to establish themselves as better than me. But I really only care about one opinion of me, and it isn’t theirs.”

“Whose?” he asked softly.

“Yours, you big dunce. I’ve been crazy about you since about the second week of summer.”

“Y’have?”

“I have,” you said, taking a step closer to him and placing a hand on his chest. “So the question is, why did you run all the way here? Just to rescue an adopted cousin?”

“Godric, no, we’re not related and I am mad about you, darling,” he said, pulling you close and leaning down to kiss you gently.

You closed your eyes and sighed when the kiss ended. “Oh. Oh my. That was worth waiting for,” you said dreamily.

“Kissing me?” he said smugly.

“Kissing anyone,” you said. “I wanted it to be someone I really cared for.”

“I’m your first kiss?” he asked, stunned.

You went on tiptoes and pecked his lips. “And my second.”

Sirius pulled you close and hugged you for a moment, touched that you trusted him enough, even after all the snotty girls had said about him. Then he leaned back and said, “If I have my way, I’ll be your last kiss, too. There’s no one else I want to kiss, love. You’re the one.”

“I know all I need to know, Sirius. I don’t need to experiment with anyone else. I absolutely adore you.”

“But you’ll experiment with me, right? Because I really want to kiss you again. Strictly for scientific purposes, of course,” he joked.

You ran your hands up his chest and neck and pulled him close and said, “There are several things that I think we owe it to the scientific community to try. Experimentation is so important to reaching one’s potential.”

Sirius wrapped his arms around your waist. “So, love, will you make the sacrifice for the good of researchers everywhere and be my girlfriend?” he asked, smiling against your lips.

“Mmmm yes, I believe we can discover many amazing things with lots of dedication and hard work,” you said, then rubbed against him a bit and whispered, “and friction.”

Sirius groaned and said, “I think friction will be a factor in most if not all of our experiments.”

“Shall we start experimenting now? Because I really want to see how friction between two tongues feels.”

Sirius spun you and pressed you against the wall and proceeded to kiss you breathless, demonstrating the heat created between two tongues when used properly.

“Oh my,” you said. “We should repeat the experiment a few times to be sure, but I think that just might have been perfect.”

“I agree completely, darling. It may take decades to be certain.”

“At least. Are you that dedicated to science?” you asked

“I’d do anything for science, love,” he answered, wiggling his eyebrows. Then, his expression became solemn and he said, “I’d do anything for you, Y/N. You mean the world to me. You brightened my life so much, so quickly that I can’t even recall what it was like before you came along.”

“I feel the same way, Sirius,” you said, looking into his stormy eyes. “This is meant to be.”

“Yes, love. We’re meant to be.” Then he kissed you like a promise of forever.


	11. Ridiculous Fabrications

You were heading to your next class, double Potions, with your friends Alice and Lily when you stopped to tie your shoe. When you stood up you felt arms slip around your waist, a tall, muscular body pressed to your back and warm breath against your ear as a voice whispered, “Hello, love.”

You glanced over your shoulder to the tall, handsome boy behind you. “Hello, Black. Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?” you asked in a flirty fashion.

“Hmm can’t it be both?” he flirted back.

All you and Sirius ever did was flirt. You had been mad about the boy for – well, since the moment you had met when you were both eleven. For the first couple years you’d been mates, but then suddenly he got all tall and blokey and now you had to catch yourself before you sighed like a ridiculous fangirl every time you saw him.

“Need to get to class. Were you planning to let go of me any time soon?”

Sirius chuckled and moved your collar to blow raspberries on your neck when he saw a discolored area. He stepped around to the front to examine the area.

“Is – is that a hickey on your neck?” he asked, voice tinged with a touch of anger.

“Oh,” you exclaimed, quickly covering the spot to which he referred. “No, it actually isn’t. I was studying for NEWTs and trying to get a heavy book off a tall shelf in the library and it fell on me and I sort of caught it with my neck.”

Sirius gave you a cold smile. “If you don’t want to tell me, fine, but don’t make up ridiculous fabrications to cover up the truth.” He twirled away and stalked off, heading to the dungeons.

“Dramatic exits work better when we aren’t going to the same place,” you called after him.

What was that all about? He almost seemed jealous. But good Godric, he’d had more than enough opportunities to be with you and he never moved past the flirtation stage. He’d dated girls in the past, so it wasn’t like he was shy or inexperienced.

Realizing you were going to be late you double-timed it to Potions, sliding into your seat next to Alice with but seconds to spare.

“Cutting it a mite close, aren’t we dearest?” she whispered. “I thought you had to tie your shoe, not build a new pair from scratch.”

“Alice, the strangest thing happened. Sirius came up and hugged me from behind like he’s always doing and he saw the bruise on my neck and asked if it was a hickey and got all weird. When I told him about the book he said I shouldn’t make up ‘ridiculous fabrications.’”

“Oh dear. Mr. Black didn’t care for that at all, I reckon,” she said, highly amused.

“I mean, all we ever do is flirt. There’s nothing there or he would’ve done something by now.”

“Miss Prewett, Miss Y/L/N, is this  _very_  important or may we commence with class?” Professor Slughorn asked from the front of the class.

“Sorry, Professor Slughorn,” you chorused.

* * *

 

A few minutes later, Slughorn’s back was to the class and a small piece of paper fluttered to rest in front of you. You quickly looked up to see whether Slughorn was looking and opened the note.

_What happened with Sirius? - Lily_

You shrugged, then wrote,  _Dunno, you’re the one in a polyamorous relationship with him and James, ask your shared boyfriend._

You sent the note back to Lily and then heard a snort from her general direction, causing Professor Slughorn to turn.

“Are you alright, Miss Evans?” he asked.

Lily smiled sweetly and lied through her teeth. “Bit of dust, Professor. Perfectly fine.”

He smiled and turned back to the lecture notes.

A minute or two later the paper plopped in front of you. Trust Lily to express her displeasure in the manner of delivery for her notes.  _James doesn’t know, he just heard him mutter your name and “hickey.”_

You refrained from sighing loudly. Slughorn wasn’t nearly as concerned for your health as he was for Lily’s so your noises would be met with disdain rather than concern.  _He thinks I have a hickey._

_And you don’t?_

_No, I do not. And even if I did it wouldn’t be his business because we’re not dating._

_Do you want to be?_

_Not if he doesn’t have the grapes to ask me himself._

You heard a chair scrape and a bit of a shuffle, but when you chanced a glance over your shoulder all was quiet. You expected a response from Lily, but when you received none you went back to note-taking. NEWTs were just around the corner, after all.

 

* * *

 

You stayed after class along with a handful of other students to ask Professor Slughorn some questions. You preferred to wait until last to speak with him so that you didn’t feel like there was someone breathing down your neck, and you were going to dinner after your questions so it was a good opportunity to ask for help.

After you left Slughorn’s classroom you decided to run up to your dorm and drop off your books before dinner so you could avoid walking to the Great Hall with Professor Slughorn. You had just spent several hours with him and didn’t need to make small talk with him as well.

Your head was in the clouds as you made your way to your common room. Why had Sirius become so upset when he thought you had a hickey? Were your affections perhaps returned?

Did Sirius want to do more than flirt, too?

You came down the steps from your dorm, books tossed on your bed and changed into comfy clothes that didn’t smell like the dungeons.

As you made your way to the Great Hall you saw someone leaning casually against the wall in the hallway ahead. Your footsteps slowed, knowing that Muggleborn, Half-blood students and their friends had been the subjects of vicious attacks from Pureblood supremacists of late, spewing hatred learned from their families and housemates.

You exhaled in relief when Sirius emeged from the shadows and walked over to you.

“You gave me a fright, lurking up there like that,” you scolded.

“Didn’t mean to scare you, love,” he said softly as he came to a halt before you, so close you had to look up to see his face. “But you shouldn’t wander around by yourself with all the maniacs. I should know, I’m related to most of them.”

“You trying to intimidate me with your height, then?” you joked.

“No,” he said simply. “I would never try to intimidate you or hurt you. You know that, right?”

You grabbed his hand and squeezed it reassuringly. “Of course I do, Sirius! You’re a good person, I know you could never hurt me.”

He took a deep breath, then said, “I’m sorry I accused you of lying about the bruise. It’s just – I was – I was utterly jealous. So, I have dug deep and found my grapes.”

You looked embarrassed at that. “Sirius, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that to Lily.”

“No, I’m glad, really. It gave me a push to do something I’ve wanted to do for three years.”

“What’s that?” you whispered, eyes wide and heart hammering.

“This,” he whispered back as he leaned in and gave you a gentle, sweet kiss. When you didn’t pull away, he pulled you closer with the hand you were still holding and caressed your cheek with the other.

You slipped your hands up around his neck, completely lost in the feelings of being so thoroughly kissed by the young man that you had almost given up as hopelessly out of your reach.

You pulled apart for air, both of you smiling happily. “Be mine so I can be yours, Y/N. Nothing would make me happier.”

“I like the sound of that very much, Sirius. But I have to warn you….” you began.

“Of what, darling,” he said with a smile filled with happiness and affection.

“I expect I’ll be a bit of a jealous girlfriend. Hope that won’t be a problem?” you asked with an impish smile.

He threw his head back and barked his joyous laugh, then kissed you again. “I guess we’ll have to work through it together.”


	12. Pureblood Ball Dare

“Usual rules?” you asked as you met up with James Potter and Sirius Black at the latest ball your parents had dragged you to in an effort to marry you off.

“Of course,” Sirius replied. “You look lovely tonight, by the way.”

“Thank you, Sirius. I must say, you look handsome as well.”

“What about me?” James said.

“You look handsome, too, Jamie,” you replied.

“Feh, I was talking to Padfoot,” he joked.

“You look gorgeous, Prongs. I certainly hope you saved me a dance?”

“You two are idiots,” you said happily.

They both bowed before you in thanks.

The three of had been dragged to these functions since you were about eight and old enough to behave. In theory. You had met these two troublemakers at your first ball and had gotten up to so much mischief with them that your parents had decided when you were ten that you couldn’t spend the evening together anymore.

After that, you had decided to come up with a plan so you could still enjoy yourselves while appearing to behave for your parents. You came up with the brilliant idea of Pureblood Ball Dare. Essentially, you wrote down dares and threw them in a bag, you each drew one and you had to do whatever it said, the other two picking the target. If you drew your own, you put it back and drew again.

When you first started the game, it was generally stupid things like talking to your mother with food in your mouth or switching clothes. Sirius had looked better in your robes than you had, but you had all gotten in trouble. Sirius had taken the brunt of it because no matter how frustrated your parents became with you or Jamie’s with him, they loved you and treated you kindly. Since Sirius had been sorted into Gryffindor with James and you, that was definitely not the case anymore, if it ever was.

So now you were careful to make sure you didn’t do anything quite so openly obnoxious.

You were half-hidden behind some drapes in the ballroom and drawing slips of paper from your little handbag. You each drew a slip and groaned as you read them, waiting for the other shoe to drop while your friends chose the most humiliating person in the room for you to fulfill your dares.

James got one you had written and said, “No! Good Godric, Y/N, have you no decency?”

Sirius read it and started cackling. “Thank Merlin I didn’t get that one. My dear mother would probably use an Unforgivable on me.”

James and you both looked down, and then you said, “We’re getting too old for this game, don’t you think?”

James chimed in with, “Yeah, maybe we should start acting our age. Dance and such.”

“Nah, we can dance when we’re dead,” Sirius said with a jaunty wink.

You smiled and said, “It’s sleep, dimwit.”

Sirius smiled and said, “Whatever. May I have this dance, darling?”

When you didn’t respond, Sirius looked a bit miffed. “Oh, me? I thought you meant James.”

You all laughed and then Sirius and you chose James’ target. Sirius led you out to the dance floor so you could watch James go and make a fool of himself.

In a flash of genius, Sirius had suggested the old wizard James’ father was actually speaking to at the moment. He led you around the dance floor smoothly, keeping you close enough to see the reaction when James went up to the distinguished elder gentleman and said, “Is that a wand in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?”

You knew the moment it happened as his father grabbed him by the arm, looked to be apologizing profusely and dragged him out of the ballroom, trying not to laugh while throwing you and Sirius the evil eye.

“Ah, darling, that was rotten of you. If you’re not careful I’m going to fall madly in love with you,” Sirius said, only half joking as he was already more than half in love with you.

“Why do you think I do it? I know the way to your heart, Mr. Black,” you replied, only half joking as you were already more than half in love with him.

* * *

You finished your dance and went your separate ways until James returned from his lecture. You were asked to dance twice in the interim, so you had to make small talk and have your feet stomped by obnoxious Pureblood boys whom you mostly loathed.

You didn’t realize it, but Sirius never took his eyes off of you twirling with different levels of awkwardness around the dance floor. When the two of you danced it was like you were one, anticipating each other’s moves and unconsciously holding each other just a bit closer than was probably proper, talking and laughing the whole time. With these buffoons, you had to be alert at all times so as not to have your feet trampled in your delicate slippers.

When James made his way over to his friend, Sirius had snagged a drink and was sipping it and glowering at your dance partner.

“Jealous?”

Sirius side-eyed James. “Of course I am, Prongs.”

“Dance is almost over and she looks miserable. She’ll be here in a moment,” he reassured Sirius. “I’ll get her some punch.”

You finished your dance and headed back to Sirius, avoiding your mother’s glance so that she couldn’t summon you with her eyes.

* * *

“Toes intact, love?” Sirius asked when you reached his side and slipped your arm through his so you could lean on him and wiggle your toes.

“Ugh, why do I have to dance and you and James just get to stand around?”

“Dunno. If I had my way you wouldn’t have to dance with anyone but me, though,” he said without thinking, then realized what he said and almost birthed a niffler.

You simply laughed and said, “Right, so we can plot ways to publicly humiliate Jamie?”

“I heard that. So mean to me when I went to get you refreshments,” James complained.

“Never mind, I take it all back. Thank you Jamie,” you said.

“Too late, I know you love Sirius more than me and I’m heartbroken,” James said mildly.

“What can I say? I’d rather come second in his heart than third in yours.”

“Who are one and two?” James asked with a smile.

“Sirius and Lily. With Sirius I only come after you.”

“Darling, if you were with me, I promise you’d come first,” Sirius said with a positively wicked grin.

You gasped in genuine surprise. “What in Merlin’s name are you drinking to say something like that?”

James tried to laugh it off and save Sirius, who had realized his slip and once again was floundering. “He was clearly talking to me, Y/N. Come on, let’s get some exercise.”

Sirius caught the look James shot over his shoulder and shrugged. He knew he was getting possessive and weird. He was just so afraid to ruin your friendship if you didn’t feel the same as he. And then what if it didn’t work?

* * *

James and you danced well together, but even though you had been friends just as long with him, you always felt more comfortable with Sirius.

“You’re awfully quiet,” James said.

“Has Sirius seemed a bit off to you lately?” you asked.

“Ah, no, not really. He seems the same as he has for years to me,” he answered honestly. It was true, Sirius had been crazy about you for almost three years since you had started looking more like a young lady than a girl in second year. From that moment on he had spoken of little else.

“I’m worried about him. He looks like he’s not sleeping well. I’m afraid his parents are being worse than usual to him,” you said softly so no one would overhear.

The dance drew to a close and you walked with James back to Sirius and they chose your target. You went up to an older lady who looked like she was quite possibly meaner than Sirius’ mother and said, “Please pass the cyanide, I don’t want to go on living.”

A quiet voice behind you whispered into your ear, “Stay away from my son or that can be arranged.”

You gasped and turned to see Walburga Black walking away from you, nose in the air as if she had smelled something very unpleasant indeed.

* * *

Your first instinct was to run to Sirius, of course, but you rather thought that might be a poor plan considering you had been threatened for being around him. So you composed yourself and made your way to your mother, telling her you were feeling unwell and asking if you could floo home early.

She asked you if you wanted her to join you, but you said it was just a headache and you’d be fine on your own. You glanced over to James and Sirius and saw them heading toward you, so you made a hasty exit and flooed home.

* * *

A little while later, there was a knock at your bedroom door. You went to open it and said, “Mum, I said it was just a headache, you – Sirius!”

Sirius pulled you into his arms and crushed you to his chest. “I was so worried when I saw my crone mother talking to you and then you left. Are you alright?”

“Sirius, you shouldn’t be here!” you exclaimed, fear in your voice.

“Have you been crying? Did she threaten you? What did she say?” he demanded.

“It doesn’t matter what she said, you just need to go now.”

“Tell me what she said!” he yelled.

“Sirius, I have to stay away from you! I would die if something happened to you! Please, love,” you sobbed. “I would die. I would rather die.”

Sirius cradled your face in his hands, wiping your tears with his thumbs. “I would rather die than be without you, Y/N. I love you.”

“You – like a friend? Like you love Jamie?”

“No, darling. Like I’ve never loved anyone before. I love you.”

Sirius held his breath, worried at what his admission would do to your friendship.

“I love you, too. Not like Jamie. Like you. I’ve always loved you, I think.”

Sirius smiled happily and slowly leaned forward, gliding his lips across yours so they barely touched. You shivered at the light caress and reached up to wrap your arms around Sirius’ neck and deepen the kiss. You bumped your nose against his in the process, but he smiled at your eagerness and you felt it against your lips.

“Am I not doing it well?” you asked, concerned.

“You’re perfect, love. You’re absolutely perfect. I’m just happy,” he said, stroking your hair.

“I’m happy, too. I’ve dreamt of this for so long,” you whispered.

“So have I. James is really quite sick of hearing about it,” he said with a laugh.

You pulled him close for another kiss, moaning a bit when he stroked your upper lip with the tip of his tongue. You tentatively touched your tongue to his, delighted to hear his groan.

When Sirius pulled away, you tried to pull him back into a kiss. He chuckled and said, “I should go, darling. I don’t want your parents to catch us and think we’ve been sneaking around. I wouldn’t have come over if I hadn’t been worried and I don’t want them to think that I don’t respect you or them.”

“Good to hear,” came your father’s voice from the doorway. “Join me in the den for a chat, Sirius.”

You followed your Dad and said, “Dad, he was only here for a few minutes.”

“I know, Blossom. I saw his mother talk to you, you leave and him go crazy to follow you. I just want to have a chat with him.”

“I’d like that, too, sir,” Sirius said from behind you.

Your father reached the door to the den and turned to block you. “A private lad’s chat, Blossom.”

You gave him a dirty look and he said to Sirius, “I trust you know about the temper?”

Sirius laughed. “Who doesn’t?”

You switched the stink-eye to Sirius and stuck your tongue out for good measure while he joined your father in the den and they closed the door. Your father said loudly, “No need to eavesdrop, Princess, it won’t take long.” Then he cast a Silencio Charm and turned to Sirius.

“I’ve had this speech ready for four years. You’re a good boy, I like you. I let her get into mischief with you and Jamie for all these years because I trusted you three to look out for each other.

“Can I still trust you to look out for her?”

“Yes. I was terrified to tell Y/N how I felt, but not as scared as I was when I saw my mother near her. I had to make sure she was alright. I’m sorry I came over and went to her bedroom when I knew you weren’t home. I just had to make sure.”

“You’re welcome here when we’re home. Just treat us all with respect. She loves you, has forever. I’m not going to run you off. You make her happy.”

“Thank you,” he said with relief. “If I’m not locked in my room til we go back to school, may I take her out?”

“Yes. Come over for dinner tomorrow night if you can. Owl us tomorrow.”

“Yes, sir,” he said, rising when your dad did and shaking his hand.

He went over and opened the door and you popped up from the chair across the hall. “Treat each other with respect and look out for each other and your mom and I are fine with this.”

“Thanks, Dad,” you said with a hug. “Mind if we hang out in the den a bit?”

“I need to get back to the ball. Do you, Sirius?”

Sirius frowned. “I probably do. Y/N, wanna come along?”

“Are you sure we should tweak her nose like that?” you asked.

“I love you. I want to dance with you and kiss you in front of everyone so they see that I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world.”

You smiled. “Let me touch up my make-up.”

* * *

You returned to the ball and Sirius danced with you, expertly swinging you around the dance floor, both of you laughing joyously. When a slow dance came on, Sirius leaned forward and kissed you gently, announcing to everyone at the ball that you were a happy couple. Then he got completely silly and dipped you, your laughter pealing throughout the ballroom and bringing smiles to the faces of old wizards and witches who remembered their first love.

“I love you, Sirius.”

“I love you, too, Y/N. You make me so happy.”

“Poor James.”

Sirius smiled, “Don’t worry about him, I told him he can live with us when we get married.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way,” you said with a laugh. “Incidentally, are we getting married?”

“Yup. I’d like at least four kids and a few dogs. We’ll live in the country.”

“Got it all planned out, eh?”

“No, those are my dreams for us. You’re really the only detail that matters, love.”

“You, too. Oh, I can’t believe this! I think we officially can’t hate the Pureblood Ball anymore!”

“You may be right, darling. How can I hate the event that brought us together in the first place?”

With that, Sirius led you off the dance floor and over to your host and hostess. You bowed and curtsied before them and thanked them for the lovely evening.

“So no more Pureblood Ball Dare?” James said wistfully when you rejoined him and he hugged you.

“Maybe we’ll find something a little more mature to do while we’re here,” Sirius said.”We have to grow up some time.”

“Not tonight, ya little cheater. You’re trying to get out of your dare!”

He held up the slip and said, “I already did it. James cheated to make sure I got it.”

“‘Kiss the woman you love on the dance floor.’ Merlin, am I the only one who didn’t know?”

“Yes!” James said immediately.

“You know now, and that’s what matters.”

“Yes, I do, and I am never letting you go, Sirius Black!”

“Sounds perfect,” he said before kissing you again, so filled with joy. All of his dreams were coming true and he was the happiest he had ever been.


	13. A Valuable Part of Education

“I’ll do your homework for a week!”

“Ah no,” you said, not slowing down a bit.

“Please, Y/N, I wouldn’t ask if it wasn’t important!”

“Lily, I am not going to distract Slughorn so you can raid his ingredient closet.”

“Please! It’s the only time it’s unlocked!” Lily begged as she made her pleading face.

“No, no, don’t make that face! You know I can’t resist that face!” you said, covering your eyes.

“Please?”

You sighed. “Fine, but if we get in trouble I am saying it was all your idea!”

* * *

“Mr. Black, Mr. Potter, I have come to expect such poor judgment and worse behaviour from you, but Miss Y/L/N, I am shocked and disappointed to see you throwing in with this lot!” Professor McGonagall lectured the three of you as you stood before her desk, heads hung in shame. “To distract Professor Slughorn so one of these idiots could raid the Potions pantry is beneath you, Y/N. Do you have anything to say for yourself?”

“No, Professor,” you answered quietly, cursing Lily for getting you into this and escaping herself.

“Then you may join Mr. Black and Mr. Potter for three weeks of detention.”

You gasped. “Three weeks?” you asked incredulously. “In seven years I’ve never gotten detention!”

Professor McGonagall glared at you and said, “And because of that, I won’t be sending a letter to your parents as I will be to the Potters. Any other questions?”

“No, Professor!” you answered quickly.

“Then you may return to your class. I’ll see you this evening at 6 o’clock. Do not be late.”

You all nodded at her and filled out of the office.

Sirius threw an arm around your shoulders and said, “Cheer up, Y/N! Detention is a valuable part of your education!”

“Stop that, people will see!” You threw his arm off your shoulders and spat, “And it might be a valuable part of education for you gits but I was doing just fine without it!”

“Aw, don’t be like that, Y/N, you know you love us!” James soothed.

“You! You tell your girlfriend to look out, Sonny Jim!” you said, shaking a finger at him.

Sirius laughed. “We’re all going to the same class, love. You can threaten her yourself.”

* * *

You hurried to get some homework done before detention, and showed up at Professor McGonagall’s office with a few minutes to spare.

“Come in, Y/L/N,” you heard her call.

“How did you know it was me?” you asked.

“Because the other two will come sliding in here out of breath at the last possible second.”

A few minutes later, Sirius and James slid into McGonagall’s office, out of breath and at the last possible second. You looked at her and said, “Fair enough.”

She briefly cracked a smile before looking down and schooling her features. “Hand over your wands and come with me,” she said, waiting with her palm extended.

You saw the boys drop their wands as if this was standard, so you handed yours over. She kept her palm extended and said, “And Lupin’s and Pettigrew’s.”

Sirius and James sighed and handed over their mates’ wands as well.

You gasped at their attempted deception, causing them both to snicker.

McGonagall led the way and stopped at Mr. Filch’s office. “Mr. Potter, Mr. Filch has need of your assistance this evening.”

James groaned and went inside the office.

You looked at Sirius and saw that he wasn’t surprised again, so you figured you would all be set to separate chores.

She led you to the dungeons where Professor Slughorn gave you both scathing looks. You looked sheepish and studied your shoes while Sirius smiled and said, “Professor Slughorn! What a pleasant surprise.”

Professor Slughorn simply said, “Get to work,” and left with Professor McGonagall.

You watched their retreating forms, then turned to Sirius. “What are we supposed to – Where in Merlin’s name did you get those!?” you said as you saw him twirling two wands, one in each hand.

He walked over to you and extended one to you, which you hesitated to take. “Frank and Alice. James has Lily’s. Since we didn’t squeal about their roles in the prank, they offered these to make our job easier. Moony and Wormy’s were decoys.”

“Well, won’t you make a marvelous criminal someday?” you said sarcastically.

“Suit yourself, Princess,” he said, but his expression was a little sad.

You walked over to him and laid a hand on his arm. “Hey. I didn’t mean that. I got here just like you, so I’m not any better than you.”

Sirius smiled. “You’re prettier, though.”

You were flabbergasted. “What? You think – I’m not – you're…”

Sirius simply smiled, a faint flush on his cheeks. “Let’s get to work.”

‘Work’ to Sirius was setting up an alarm in the hallway, setting rags to wash cauldrons and mops to scrubbing the floor, and even putty knives to scraping gum from under tables and chairs.

“Merlin,” you breathed as Sirius held his hand out to you and then lifted you onto the counter, lithely hopping up to sit next to you.

Sirius looked at you and saw you looking at him as if completely mystified. “What?”

“You’re brilliant,” you accused him.

“Why thank you,” he answered, a bit chuffed.

“But – if you put a fraction of the effort into work as you do – you’re a genius! A bloody lazy genius!”

Sirius threw his head back and barked the laugh that had always made you smile, even though you weren’t particular friends. “Oh, love, it was all worth it just to hear you say that.”

You tilted your head sideways. “What was all worth it?”

“Oh! Um – best get back to work!” he said quickly, hopping down to stand in front of you. “Sluggo checks our hands, so if we don’t do at least part of it without magic, he can tell.”

You nodded and put your hands on his shoulders, letting him help you down off the counter, his hands staying on your waist and yours on his shoulders just a moment or two longer than necessary while you looked into each other’s eyes.

Sirius cleared his throat and stepped away.

“Why do you let everyone think you’re an adorable idiot?” you asked.

Sirius shrugged. “The people I care about know. The rest can sod off.”

The people he cared about? You decided that you needed to talk to Lily before you pursued that line of questions.

* * *

Sirius popped up and said, “Showtime!” which of course meant that his alarm had been tripped. You got busy and looked pathetic and tired by the time Professor Slughorn cleared the doorway.

“Well. Looks as if you two have been busy. Off you go. Back to Professor McGonagall’s office.”

“Yes, Professor,” you said politely.

“Sweet dreams,” Sirius said, which caused you to giggle.

Professor Slughorn swung his eyes to you quickly. “Another one, Black?”

Sirius straightened and said, “No, Professor. I assure you.”

“Off with you,” Slughorn said, then followed you into the hall and locked the door.

You walked off with Sirius and after Professor Slughorn turned toward his quarters, you said, “What was that about, then? Another one what?”

“Oh. Ah, nothing to concern you.”

“Right.”

* * *

You retrieved your wands and headed back to the common room, then said goodnight and parted ways to head to your dorms.

You tiptoed over to put Alice’s wand on her nightstand when you saw her asleep, then grabbed your pyjamas and went to get ready for bed.

When you came out of the loo you found Lily waiting for you, perched on the end of your bed. “Well?” she asked. “How did it go?”

You laughed quietly. “Merlin, you’re acting like it was a first date, not detention.”

Lily just smiled.

“Wait. Good Godric! Did you do this to set me up with Sirius?” you asked incredulously.

Lily shrugged. “You kept ignoring all of his attempts to get your attention.”

You sat there, stunned, gaping like a fish.

“Your mouth is moving but no words are coming out,” Lily informed you.

“What – how?”

“Well,” she began, looking very pleased with herself. “Sirius has liked you since fourth year –.”

“Excuse me?” you interrupted.

“Questions will be answered at the end of the program, dearest. Now, where was I?” she pondered. “Oh, yes. Sirius has liked you since fourth year, but you always treated him like he had a nasty case of Spattergroit. So, James and I got tired of his lovesick sighs and decided we needed to help the poor sod out.

“We got together with Moony, Pete, Alice, Frank and Mary and made a cunning plan to get you two together,” she said proudly.

“You’re having me on!”

“Nope.”

“Merlin.”

“So, we made the plan and got Sirius on board. He didn’t much care for being a charity case, but nothing he had tried was working.”

“Just for the record, I never saw him try anything. Ever.”

“I know. He had no idea how to woo you. I knew you’d love him if you got to know him but that you had a pretty set idea of who he was, so I needed a way to get you two alone for a while.”

“This is unbelievable.”

“I know!” she said excitedly. “It was easy enough to get you in trouble, but I had to manipulate the situation so that you’d get paired off with him. That took some planning, but I made sure that Minnie ‘accidentally’ overheard James and Sirius debating who had the worst detentions. James said he much preferred Slughorn and Sirius said he would rather go with Filch any day of the week. Being the vindictive darling I knew her to be, Professor McGonagall filed that tidbit away for the next time they got in trouble.”

“Then it was just a matter of involving you, them getting caught deliberately and knowing that Minnie never puts them together to serve detention because they make a game out of it and enjoy themselves.”

You sat in stunned silence. Finally, you said, “So, what you’re telling me is that every single one of my closest friends had a hand in tricking me so I would spend time with Sirius.”

Lily stiffened. “You’re mad?”

“Bloody – Yes, I’m mad!”

“But…did you not enjoy spending time with Sirius?”

“Merlin, Lily, did it ever occur to you to just say, ‘Hey, Y/N, come out with James and Sirius and me. We think you’d make a great couple?’”

“Well…no.”

“I’m just… I need to think.”

“Yeah, alright,” Lily said quietly, slipping out of the room, presumably to warn James that all was not puppies and rainbows in the Girls dorm.

You lie back and thought about it. It certainly wasn’t an insult that Sirius liked you: on the contrary, it was a compliment from any boy, but Sirius was an extremely handsome and popular wizard.

And you did enjoy getting to know him this evening. You wished it had come about in a bit more traditional fashion. Had he really tried to get your attention in the past? You thought of any times he seemed to be especially pleasant or solicitous and all of a sudden, your memory produced dozens of times that he had singled you out for conversation or even a simple hello, as well as times he had attempted to walk to class with you or walk next to you on group outings to Hogsmeade.

You had always assumed he was just being polite, but now you realized that he had always fallen silent or dropped behind when you would simply smile or say hello and go about your business.

Sirius Black liked you.

And after tonight, you realized that he was a brilliant, wonderful bloke. You sat up in bed, wondering what to do next.

Hurriedly, you put on your dressing gown and slippers and hurried down the stairs to cross the common room to ascend the boys stairs.

When you reached the bottom of the boys staircase, a throat being cleared made you jump. You looked over to find the source of the noise and saw Sirius sitting on the floor by the fire, poking the dying embers.

“If you’re looking for Lily, she and James went to 'plan’ in the prefect bathroom.”

You slowly walked over to sit next to him on the floor, your bare legs peeking out from under your dressing gown and drawing his eye. “I wasn’t actually.”

He glanced over at you, light from the glowing coals glimmering in his pewter eyes. “Reckon I don’t want to know who you were going to see, then.”

“Oh. Right,” you said, suddenly feeling foolish for wanting to see him, getting to your feet. “I’ll just go back to bed.”

“Wait,” he said, scrambling to his feet as well. “Please.”

You halted and turned back around.

“I’ve liked you for ages,” he whispered.

“I didn’t know,” you whispered back, reaching for his hand. “It never occurred to me that a bloke like you could like me.”

“What kinda bloke am I?” he asked hesitantly.

“Handsome, popular, handsome.”

Sirius smiled. “You said handsome twice.”

You smiled and took a step closer to him. “So I did.”

“I think you’re lovely and smart and I want to kiss you.”

You put your hands on his shoulders. “I think that would be brilliant. Like you.”

Sirius grinned and put his hands on your hips, then dipped his head down to gently press his lips to yours, then pulled back and looked into your eyes.

“I was coming to see you, Sirius,” you said.

“Yeah?” he replied happily.

“Yeah,” you said before you pulled him down and into a much longer kiss.

Sirius groaned against your lips and you took the opportunity to slip your tongue in to tease his, wrapping your arms around his neck and playing with his curly hair while he wrapped his arms around you and kissed you like he was afraid he was dreaming and would wake up soon.

You were so wrapped up in each other that you didn’t even notice James and Lily returning until they began to applaud.

You pulled away from Sirius and he was afraid that you were embarrassed, but you simply walked over to Lily and hugged her. “Thank you, dearest.” Then you looked over at James and said, “And you.”

“No thanks necessary, darling,” Lily said. “Seeing you two together is enough. You are together, yeah?”

Sirius came up behind you and slipped his arms around your waist, hugging you from behind. “We hadn’t gotten there before she attacked me.”

“Attacked you? What a load of shite!” you said, looking over your shoulder at him and smiling.

Sirius kissed the tip of your nose and said, “What d’ya say, darling? Would you be mine?”

You looked into his beautiful silvery eyes and saw how much he cared for you, as well as a bit of worry that you didn’t feel the same. You briefly thought about all the different parts of Sirius you had learned and realized that you could think of no one better for you. “I will only be yours if you promise to be mine,” you said with a gentle smile.

“That seems perfectly fair,” he said as he spun you in his arms to face him and kissed you with all of the affection and passion that three years of unrequited love could generate.

In turn, you kissed him back with all of the warmth, tenderness and desire that the wonderful realization of his devotion had created in you.


	14. All I Can Hope For

“What have you got there, darling?” Sirius said as he plopped down next to you on the sofa in the common room and draped his arm across your shoulder casually.

You quickly folded the piece of parchment and said, “Nothing!”

Sirius raised his eyebrows. “Well, that reaction tells me it’s definitely something. What d’you have there?” he said as he made a grab for it.

You waved your arm around and played a childish game of keep-away for a few moments before you finally stuffed the parchment down the front of your robes and into your bra.

Sirius laughed and said, “That just makes me want it more.”

You rolled your eyes. “Very funny. As if the great Sirius Black would ever have any interest in my bosom.”

Sirius smiled while thinking how very wrong you were, then got lost in a fantasy of how much interest he would like to show your bosoms.

“Sirius!!” you said sharply, clapping in front of his face as he stared at your chest. “Fine, if the note is that important, I’ll show you. If you promise not to tell anyone?”

“Right, the note,” he said, trying to calm his heartbeat and the beginning of an erection. That he’d like to squeeze between –

“Sirius!”

“Right!”

You looked at him and noticed his cheeks were flushed. “Are you alright, love?”

“Right as rain. Let’s see this note,” he said to distract you both.

You held onto it another moment as if debating giving it to him, then handed it over.

_Dear Y/N,_

_I am writing to tell you how much I like you. You are pretty, smart and sweet. I would love to meet you at The Three Broomsticks this Saturday at 1 o’clock. I will be the happiest bloke at Hogwarts if you permit me to spend the afternoon with you._

_Sincerely,_

_Your Secret Admirer_

“Wow. How did you receive this?”

“By owl. Why wow?”

“Because, this is just odd.”

“Odd because someone might be interested in me?” you whispered, hurt that your best friend would feel that way.

“What? No, of course not. You know I adore you!”

“Right. Look, I know I’m not pretty like the girls you date, but it is possible that someone could find me attractive!” You got off the sofa and stomped to the stairs and went to your dorm.

Meanwhile, Sirius sat on the sofa wondering what just happened.

* * *

You went into your dorm and threw yourself on the bed, muttering about how Sirius might not think you’re fit to date but that didn’t mean that all males everywhere were repulsed by you.

You had to get over him! Nothing was ever going to happen with him. Wasting most of your time at Hogwarts adoring a boy who would never want you was stupid, and you weren’t going to be stupid anymore.

* * *

He had promised that he wouldn’t tell anyone so he couldn’t even get advice on how to apologize. Well, he knew how to apologize. It wasn’t like in six years of friendship he’d never made you angry before. What he couldn’t figure out was how to get you to listen to him say that he was worried about you meeting a stranger alone when really he was jealous and didn’t want you going out with someone else.

He was so far gone that James didn’t even bother to make fun of him about you anymore. It was that bad. He wished that he could just tell you, but a lifetime of coldness and rejection from family was hard to overcome. Sirius was at a loss when it came to expressing real emotion.

* * *

You avoided Sirius for the rest of the day, not wanting to hear his apologies or excuses. The next morning, you weren’t angry anymore, not really, but you were just so tired of pining after Sirius Black. All of your friends had someone. Everywhere you looked they were paired off, holding hands, whispering sweet nothings or even making out.

This was your last year at school, and you didn’t intend to spend it alone. If you couldn’t have Sirius, then it was time to get over him and move on with your life.

* * *

You were sitting under a tree by Black Lake, golden light from the autumn sunset making things a bit hazy. You heard the crunch of fallen leaves and looked to see Sirius approach.

“Hello,” he said, sitting down next to you.

“Hi,” you replied.

“I’m sorry you thought I was saying that no one could ever want you. I mean,” he continued in a gentle, sympathetic voice full of kindness, “just because I could never stomach touching you or kissing you doesn’t mean that no one could. I’m sure there are lads out there desperate enough to get with you.”

You gasped, his words like knives plunging into your heart. “Sirius, how could you say something so horrid? I thought we were friends?”

Sirius shook his head pityingly, then spoke, again using a soothing, kind tone. “You poor, daft minger. Why would I be friends with you? If you weren’t so useful I wouldn’t even speak to you. As it is, it’s a chore to be near you at all.”

You began to sob so hard you couldn’t catch your breath. As you continued to gasp for air, Sirius began to laugh as if your struggles amused him greatly. You reached out to him and he stood up to walk away as your vision began to grow dim. The last thing you saw was Sirius’ back as he threw his head back to laugh at your stupidity.

You sat up, gasping for air and sobbing, great tears rolling down your cheeks.

“Y/N, are you alright?” Lily whispered, rubbing your back and grabbing a handkerchief so you could wipe your eyes. “That must have been some nightmare.”

You wiped your eyes and tried to calm your breathing. “I’m sorry I woke you. I didn’t mean to be a bother.”

Lily pulled you into a hug. “Of course you’re not a bother! Darling, you’re one of my very best friends, why would you be a bother? What was your nightmare about?”

You started crying again. You knew now that it was just a dream, but it was truly the deepest fear in your heart.

“C’mon, let’s go get Sirius,” Lily said, pulling your hand to get you out of bed.

“No!” you said loudly, startling Lily. Then you took a deep breath and continued more reasonably. “No, thank you, Lily. I think I’ll just go down by the fire for a bit. I won’t be able to go back to sleep for a while and I don’t want to keep anyone else up.”

“All right, but I really don’t mind staying up with you for a while if you need me.”

You gave Lily a hug, touched. “Thank you. I appreciate it, really.”

She squeezed you and then got up to return to her bed as you put on your dressing gown and slippers.

You stepped into the hall and set the door to latch quietly, then descended the stairs to sit on the sofa in front of the fire. As if it wasn’t bad enough that your mind was constantly torturing you with thoughts and doubts about Sirius while you were awake, now your traitorous brain had found ways to torment you while you slept.

You looked over as someone sat down next to you. “Hello, Sirius,” you said dully, not at all surprised that Lily had found a way to tell Sirius about your nightmare.

“Hello, love,” he said quietly, but he didn’t casually pull you close as he usually did. “Lily thought you might need me.”

“It was just a bad dream. You can go back to bed.”

Sirius dropped to his knees in front of you and took your hands in his. “Love, I never meant that nobody could ever want you. Any bloke would be lucky to have you. I think you’re beautiful and smart and funny.”

“It’s fine, Sirius. I overreacted,” you answered.

“But it’s not fine if you think I don’t absolutely adore you.”

You smiled and pulled him back up onto the sofa. “You’re my best friend. I adore you, too. More than you’ll ever know.”

Sirius looked into your eyes. He wanted nothing more than to pull you into his arms and show you exactly how beautiful and wonderful he thought you were. You genuinely had no idea how alluring you were in you dressing gown, hair mussed from sleep. He could wake up next to you for the rest of his life and never grow tired of the sight. He draped his arm across your shoulders and pulled you close.

“Are you going to meet this admirer?” he asked quietly.

“Yes.”

“Will you promise to be careful?”

You chuckled. “Do you think someone is planning to kidnap me and kill me? Is it really that hard to believe that someone might find me attractive?”

Sirius sighed. “I don’t want to fight, Y/N. You’re my friend and I want you to stay safe.”

You nodded. “I don’t want to fight, either. I’ll be careful, alright?”

“Yeah,” he said unhappily. “Guess that’s all I can hope for.”

* * *

Saturday dawned bright and sunny, if chilly. You stood before your clothes wardrobe for so long trying to decide what to wear that your roommates were sharing looks wondering what was going on.

You only thought that your rather more than platonic feelings for Sirius were buried deep enough so only you knew of them; it was common knowledge for all of your closest friends. Except Sirius, of course. He was too protective of his own feelings to ever believe anyone could truly love him. They had been watching the two of you stare after each other like lovesick fools for years, neither recognizing that the other loved them.

So, since none of them knew about the note and neither you nor Sirius had mentioned a date, they were all confused at your behavior, because you were definitely dressing for a date.

“Alright there, Y/N?” Lily asked.

“Hmm?” you replied, distracted. “Oh, yeah. Can’t decide what to wear to Hogsmeade.”

“Special occasion?” Alice asked.

“Oh! No, just…wanted to look nice,” you said quickly.

“Well, let’s do you up, then!” Marlene said happily, signaling Lily to go and badger James for information.

“Thanks, Marlene. That would be great,” you said shyly.

The girls helped you pick out an outfit from their combined wardrobes, then did your hair and make-up until you hardly recognized yourself. With a great boost of confidence, you want down to the common room to walk together to Hogsmeade before you slipped away to meet your admirer.

* * *

Sirius saw you walk down the steps in a burgundy sweater dress that hugged your curves and showed just a bit of cleavage. His heart almost hammered its way out of his chest. He put a supportive smile on his face and came over to see you.

It seemed like there was a collective inhale among your friends as they waited to see if you two were finally going on a date, but Sirius simply kissed you on the cheek and said, “You look lovely. Have a great time.”

You smiled nervously, a bit uncomfortable in the form-fitting dress, makeup and fussy hair. “Thanks, Sirius. You have a great time, too.”

“Can I walk with you or no?” he asked hesitantly.

“Oh! Yes, I suppose,” you said with a smile.

Sirius grinned and bowed before you, then extended his arm formally. “My lady.”

After the two of you stepped out of the portrait hole, your friends grouped together and started whispering furiously.

“Who knows  _anything?_ ” Marlene asked.

Lily followed up with, “They’re definitely not on a date, James?”

“No. Sirius has been upset and they barely spoke the last few days. If he had a date with her he would have been bouncing off the walls.”

“And he told her to have a great time before he asked her if he could walk with her,” Alice added.

“This is just weird,” Remus summed up.

“Well, I suppose we’ll just have to go and see what happens,” Lily said. “James, if you find anything out from Sirius, let us know.”

* * *

You and Sirius walked next to each other to Hogsmeade, not talking much, both of your minds elsewhere. Sirius was thinking how empty his life would be without you in it. You were wondering if you could even stand to have another man touch you. You had loved Sirius for as long as you could remember and had never even considered being with anyone else.

When you reached the edge of the village, Sirius said, “I suppose I should let you go here.”

“Yes, I guess so,” you said so quietly that it was barely above a whisper.

“Have fun,” Sirius said, and then turned quickly and headed to the Hog’s Head for a drink.

You went the Three Broomsticks and found a table. You were a bit early, it was only 12:45, but you decided better early than late.

You ordered a Butterbeer and sat and waited, trying not to look anxious. As your watch grew closer and closer to 1, you became concerned that perhaps Sirius was right, that it had been a colossal prank.

* * *

Sirius had sat down at the bar and downed three shots of firewhiskey in rapid succession, trying to dull the pain of knowing that you were waiting for another man. He sipped at the fourth and decided he needed to see who it was that had taken you from him because he had been too cowardly to try.

He gulped the rest of his drink and left The Hog’s Head, walking back to The Three Broomsticks to peek in through the window to see who was smart enough to steal you from under his nose.

When he arrived it was a couple minutes after the rendezvous time. He peeked in the window of the pub and saw you sitting alone, so nervous you were almost vibrating.

“Look at her,” snickered a scrawny Slytherin known for his cruel nature.

“She’s such a daft cow,” a younger boy declared.

“That’ll teach her to mess with a Slytherin, bit of nothing she is,” Evan Rosier said.

“Anyone I know, Rosier?” Sirius asked casually.

Rosier and his little minions jumped, not having noticed Sirius’ approach. Once he realized that he had been found out, Rosier puffed himself up and said, “Tell your little Mudblood to keep her mouth shut and she might stay healthy.’

Sirius stepped closer and said in a deceptively calm voice, “There are so many things wrong with that statement that I will simply say this: if you or any of your psycho minions ever fuck with Y/N again, there will be nowhere to hide and I will show you no mercy. Now piss off before I decide to show you what a Black is capable of when he’s fucking livid.”

Sirius watched the blood drain from Rosier’s face before he turned and walked away, his friends looking over their shoulders to make certain Sirius wasn’t following.

* * *

At 1:10, you accepted that you had been duped and humiliated. Your eyes were focused on your drink as you tried not to cry. Sirius had been right, no one would want to be with you. You were a twit and you deserved this for being foolish.

“Is this seat taken?”

Your eyes flew up to see Sirius; gorgeous, perfect Sirius, here to witness your humiliation.

“Just leave me alone,” you whispered pitifully, looking back down at the tabletop.

“Not gonna be stupid enough to do that again,” he said as he sat down next to you instead of across.

A tear escaped and you wiped at it, embarrassed. “What’s that supposed to mean?” you asked, still not meeting his eyes.

Sirius reached over and gently tipped your chin up so that he could look into your eyes. He was absolutely terrified to tell you how he felt, but not as much so as he was to lose his chance to be with you. “I’m sorry you were brought here under false pretenses. I would never see you hurt, and believe me, the one who did it will pay.”

“Who was it?” you sobbed.

“Rosier,” he practically spat. “He said you needed to keep your mouth shut, whatever that means. Believe my, my love, he will pay.”

You got a confused look on your face. “Did you just…”

“What?” Sirius asked, not knowing what you were asking.

“Nothing, I must have heard you wrong,” you said with a small smile. “Rosier said something and I embarrassed him, so I reckon he wanted to get me back. Now I know. Thanks, Sirius.”

Sirius was losing his nerve. “No problem.”

“I reckon I’ll head back. Stop by Honeydukes and get some chocolate and be pitiful in bed instead of in public.”

Sirius grabbed your hand. “Wait.”

“What? Why?”

“I’m glad it wasn’t real.”

“Why would you say that?” you asked, hurt.

“Because I love you.”

You scoffed. “Right. Well, thanks for the laugh, but if you thought that would cheer me up, you were dead wrong,” you said angrily as you started to get to your feet.

Sirius jumped up to stand with you and pulled you into his arms and kissed you. You gasped just before your lips met his, completely shocked. Then the feeling of being in the arms of the man you had dreamed of for years, the slight taste of whiskey on his tongue, the softness of his lips contrasting with the scruffy beard and moustache he hadn’t shaved for a few days, the smell of his skin and the feel of his body pressed to yours simply transported you. You moaned and wrapped your arms around his neck and pressed yourself to him as closely as possible.

Sirius felt you return his kiss and was overwhelmed with joy. He pulled back from the kiss, breathless and grinning. Your lips were a bit swollen and you had a look of amazement. “I love you. I should have told you years ago, I have kicked myself almost daily because I was a coward. I want to be with you and only you. Please be mine.”

“You’re…you mean it? Really?” you asked, totally dumbfounded.

“I really mean it. I hope you feel the same, but either way you have my heart, and you always will,” Sirius said softly.

“I feel the same,” you whispered.

Sirius’ face lit up, his smile full of joy. “Really?”

“Really!”

He picked you up and spun you in a circle as you threw your head back and laughed happily.

When he set you down he said, “Come on, I want to tell everyone I’ve ever met that the most amazing girl in the world loves me.”

“Is this a dream, Sirius?”

“If it is, don’t wake me. But just in case, I’d better kiss my girlfriend as much as possible.”

“Girlfriend?” you said against his lips as he leaned down to kiss you again.

“Merlin, yes, please,” he said between kisses.

“Yes, but love, we’re making out in the middle of the Three Broomsticks. Maybe we should go somewhere more private for this discussion?” you asked as you slid your hands from his shoulders down his chest.

Sirius inhaled sharply at the sensation of your hands on his body. “Merlin, do that again and I’ll throw you over my shoulder and get a room.”

You stood on tiptoe to kiss him and said, “I will definitely keep that in mind.”

Sirius groaned against your lips and picked you up and carried you out of the pub bridal style, both of you laughing and uncaring of the spectacle you were making of yourselves. You had waited too long to be together to care what anyone else thought. Love and happiness were yours now, and you both planned to cherish the gift you had finally been brave enough to accept.


	15. No Offense

“Remus, there you are!!” you said as you essentially tackled him flat.

“Merlin, Y/N, what’s wrong?” Remus asked, returning to the upright position he had been sitting in under a tree by Black Lake.

“I need you to be my boyfriend!” you stated urgently.

“What?” Sirius, sitting a few feet away from Remus, exclaimed rather loudly.

“That creep Avery won’t leave me alone. I need a boyfriend to make him lose interest and you’re the only bloke I trust to do it.”

“Merlin’s saggy bollocks, I am sitting right here, Y/N,” Sirius practically shouted indignantly.

“Sirius, be quiet, I’m talking to Remus,” you snapped, then turned back to Remus. “Will you help me?”

Remus was in a tight spot. On the one hand, you were one of his dearest friends and he knew how much trouble Avery was giving you. On the other, his best mate who was really more like a brother was head over heels in love with you and had been for ages.

“I want to know why you don’t trust me to be your fake boyfriend?” Sirius said grumpily.

“No offense, but you’d be completely unconvincing as you are constantly on the pull. You’re a complete slag and no one would believe that you would change your ways for me.”

“Y’know, just because you say, ‘no offense’ doesn’t mean you can say any hurtful things you want to a person with no repurcussions. 'Oh, but I said no offense before I told him he’s a rubbish person so he’s not going to have his feelings hurt!’” Sirius said in a high-pitched voice to mimic you.

You looked slightly chastened. “You’re right, of course. What I should have said was, ‘I’m sorry if hearing the truth hurts your tender feelings, Sirius Black, but you have never dated a girl for more than five minutes and I don’t fancy being cheated on, even if it’s just pretend.’ How’s that?”

“That’s just bloody perfect, Y/N. It’s always good to know what one’s friends really think,” Sirius said, pain evident in his expression, as he got up and walked away.

“Shit,” you muttered under your breath.

“What was that all about, Y/N? Sirius is supposed to be your friend!” Remus said angrily.

“I know,” you exclaimed. “I’m just so…Avery won’t leave me alone, Moony. I’m scared. Sirius wouldn’t take it seriously. I need help. I’m sorry I hurt his feelings.”

Remus really took in your appearance: reddened, puffy eyes, hair uncharacteristically untidy and clothes slightly askew. “Is your robe torn?” he asked loudly.

At this, you started sobbing, and he pulled you into his arms. “Shhh, c’mon, love, we’ll figure this out. I’ll be your boyfriend. Hey, I’ll marry you if you stop crying!” he joked.

You laughed a bit through your tears. “I’m sorry. I’ll find Sirius and apologize. I never meant to hurt him.”

“Well, let’s just say that you have a particular ability to hurt Padfoot and be a little more careful around him, yeah?”

“What do you mean, Remus?”

“Nothing. Just…be nice to him. You mean the world to him.”

“Yeah, alright,” you said softly, wondering if his words meant something more.

* * *

Remus walked you to the Great Hall for lunch and paid particular attention to you, holding your hand and kissing your cheek. Sirius sat glowering at the both of you and you vowed to hunt him down later to apologize.

In the meantime, Avery shot Remus and you with glares that were not hurt as Sirius’ were but were filled with anger. You hated being frightened but if you had to be at least it was someone fuck-all scary, not something ridiculous like clowns or house elves.

* * *

Remus walked you to your common room and you retired to bed early. Remus was going to go up to his dorm and talk to Sirius and hopefully he would be open to accepting your apology.

In the meantime you just wanted to have a shower and wash the filth of Avery’s touch away.

You felt much better after a long, hot shower. You hated feeling like a damsel, running to big, strong Remus for protection. Honestly, Sirius would have been a better choice. He was a hothead and known to be protective of his friends. You just couldn’t bear the idea of only pretending to be his girlfriend when you wanted it to be real.

So, in your panic after Avery cornered you, you ran to perhaps not the best choice, but the safer one – at least the safer choice for your heart.

* * *

You had been trying to sleep for a while and we’re having no success. You kept replaying the way you spoke to Sirius and hating yourself a little more with each remembrance.

It was just after 11 o’clock. The rest of your dorm was asleep but you knew Sirius was a bit of a night owl like you. Many the night you would keep each other company in the common room late at night because you both couldn’t sleep.

Little did you know that Sirius would often look at the Marauders Map and when he saw your name restless and wandering down the stairs, he would come down to keep you company.

* * *

Remus had tried to speak to Sirius but he was angry and hurt. Until Remus said, “Damn it, Pads, Avery is stalking her and cornered her earlier! She was afraid and she wasn’t thinking straight.”

That caught Sirius’ attention. “Avery…touched Y/N? He hurt her? I will kill him.”

Remus would have been less concerned if Sirius had screamed those words, but he knew a quiet Sirius was a dangerous Sirius. He caught James’ eye and they worked together to keep him from going after Avery with murder in his eyes.

“I’m not going after Avery but I need to get away. I’ll be back later,” he said, slamming out of the room and sneaking to the Astronomy tower.

* * *

You gave up on falling asleep. Until you had cleared the air with Sirius, you would be too keyed up to rest.

You got up and quietly put on slippers and dressing gown, then left your dorm room to go to his. You had always found it slightly silly that only the girls’ stairs were trapped, but you didn’t make the rules, you just circumvented them.

You went up to the boys’ room and tapped on the door. There was light coming under the door so you knew that someone was up. A moment later, James answered the door. “Astronomy tower,” was all he said before he closed the door in your face.

Well. Apparently if you hurt Sirius’ feelings, you hurt James’ as well.

You turned and retraced your steps until you reached the common room, then shuffled from foot to foot trying to decide if you should attempt to get to the Astronomy tower without getting caught.

As you nervously made your way through the corridors, jumping at every sound, you finally reached the base of the stairs that led to the tower.

* * *

Sirius had taken the Marauders Map with him, of course, so he could avoid teachers and Filch. Then when he had reached his destination, he had used it to watch you roll around in bed, restless. On a normal day he would wait to see your name trudge down the steps so he could coincidentally be unable to rest, too, and then come down to the common room so you could be awake together.

What a bloody idiot he was, thinking you could ever want him. Then to hear today that you wouldn’t even want him for a pretend boyfriend to protect yourself – that had hurt. The fact that your reason was entirely logical didn’t really help. He had gone through a cycle of loving you, hating himself and behaving like trash because he would never be good enough for you, he knew it. But hearing the words from your mouth – he believed everything his family said to and about him right then.

Amazing how love was supposed to be this wonderful thing, but all it had ever done for Sirius was crush his heart and darken his soul.

Sirius’ eyes were drawn to the map as you got out of bed and descended the stairs, but instead of heading for the sofa in front of the fireplace, you went to the stairs and went to his room. Ugh, if he saw your name in Remus’ bed, he swore he was dropping out of school.

Wait…Alright, you were on your way back down the stairs to the common room. And now you were leaving?

Sirius watched your progress through the school, beginning to hope for he didn’t know what, but that maybe you were looking for – him?

* * *

When you reached the Astronomy tower stairs, Sirius quickly folded the map and pocketed it, then sniffed his breath and armpits. He stepped behind a pillar so that it didn’t look like he was waiting for you.

“Sirius?” you said quietly.

“Over here,” he answered. “Change of heart or just of mind? Or did you come yell at me some more?” he asked a bit petulantly.

“No,” you said softly as you walked over to him. “I’m sorry I was such a bitch earlier. I didn’t go out there with the intention of hurting your feelings.”

“So you acknowledge I have one or two, hmm?” he asked, still in a bit of a huff.

“Yes, love. I know you have feelings. And I think you’re brilliant, by the way. I didn’t mean any of the things I said earlier.”

Sirius hesitated a moment before sighing. “I know. Remus told me what happened. I wish…well, I plan to have a nice chat with Avery soon.”

“Don’t do anything to get in trouble, Padfoot. I’m not worth it,” you whispered, studying your slippers.

Sirius put his hand under your chin and tipped your face up so he could look into your eyes. “You’re worth it, darling.”

“I didn’t come to you because –” you started before you bit your lip and lost your courage.

“You said you didn’t trust me to pretend to be your boyfriend,” he said dully, his hand dropping from your face and turning away from you to look out at the night sky.

You came up behind him and rested your forehead against his back. “I didn’t trust myself to remember that it was just pretend. I didn’t trust myself not to fall more in love with you than I already am. I didn’t trust myself not to forget that it wouldn’t mean anything to you but a favor for a friend and get my heart broken.

“I’m sorry, Sirius. I didn’t trust myself, not you, and I was frightened and panicked and treated you horribly. I’m so sorry,” you whispered, then stepped back and turned to go back to your dorm.

“Y/N,” Sirius called after you.

“Yes?” you replied, not turning so he wouldn’t see the tears streaking down your cheeks.

He came up behind you silently and said, “I love you, too.”

You whipped your head around. “I said I was sorry. What I said was rotten but it wasn’t intentionally hurtful!” you said through your tears. “I hope it was worth it.”

Sirius caught you and pulled you back against his chest before you could get away. “We’re going to fight a lot, aren’t we?” Sirius said with a smile.

“Tonight? No, I’m leaving.”

“No, I mean forever. While we’re a couple, which I hope will be forever.”

You turned around and tilted your head sideways. “We’re a couple?”

“Well, I think it would be best if you broke up with Moony first, really,” he said with a wide smile.

You started to smile and then went into his arms and held on to him, basking in the feel and scent and warmth of him. Then you tipped your head back to look up at him and he kissed you, slowly at first, giving you space to move away if you wanted to, but Merlin, you didn’t want to. You wanted to crawl into his arms and never leave.

Sirius deepened the kiss, gently biting your lip and receiving a moan for his efforts. When his tongue swept in, you understood all the swooning in romance novels.

When you pulled apart for air, you opened your eyes to see Sirius smiling gently down at you.

“Well, now I understand why all the fairy tales say they lived happily ever after if all the princes kiss like that,” you said with a cheeky grin.

Sirius laughed. “I think loving the princess might have a lot to do with it, because I’ve never been kissed like that before.”

“C’mon, let’s go back to your room!”

“Bloody hell, you don’t waste any time. Be gentle with me?” he joked, batting his eyelashes.

“Hush you!” you said, dragging him along behind you.

“Well if there’s no rumpy pumpy in my immediate future, what’s the rush?”

You looked over your shoulder at your dream-come-true boyfriend and grinned. “I have to go dump Moony.”


	16. At Last

1 September, 1976

“Mummmmmm,” you whined as your mother gave you yet another lipstick kiss on your forehead. “M’gonna be covered in lipstick!”

“Why do you think I do it?” she replied with an evil giggle. “Get too big for your broomstick and Mummy will put you in your place!”

Your Da laughed at that. You had decided that this year was the ‘whole new you’ year at Hogwarts. It was sixth year. Last year had been all OWL preparation, next year would be all NEWTs. This was your year to have fun. You had changed your hair, had some dentistry to fix the gap in your front teeth, started wearing make-up and gotten new clothes.

This was your year to make Sirius Black see you as more than a friend.

But your Mum had decided to tease you a bit by pretending to leave lippies all over your face, and your Da went along with it.

You hugged them one last time before turning to the Hogwarts Express. You remembered being in a Muggle record store with Lily once and there was a poster for a John Denver song called  _Today is the First Day of the Rest of My Life_ , and you just really decided that no matter what, every day was a fresh beginning if you let it be.

Today was the first day of the rest of your life.

* * *

Sirius and James had already said their goodbyes to the Potters, stowed their trunks in their carriage and were watching people go by and trying to look cool. They each had a girl they were watching for: James for Lily and Sirius for you.

“You should just ask her, Pads. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Public humiliation?”

“Y/N would never do anything to hurt you, Padfoot. You know that,” James said seriously.

“Yeah, but not returning my feelings wouldn’t be deliberate. And I don’t think she does. Then it would make everything weird.”

“Look, there’s Lily. I’m gonna go say hello,” James said excitedly, mussing his hair.

“Good luck, mate,” Sirius said supportively.

* * *

Remus and Peter joined Sirius, but soon Remus would have to leave for the Prefect carriage. Sirius didn’t care to be left to his own devices and was glad James would be back soon because Peter would not to be able to amuse Sirius for the entire journey.

And then, there you were, but you were…different. Merlin, your clothes, your hair, your make up – you were like a different girl.

Why had you changed perfection?

Merlin, were you doing it for a bloke?

* * *

You saw Sirius and smiled, flipping a wave and calling that you’d see him in a bit.

Sirius didn’t respond at all, he had no words. It was as if the girl he loved had been replaced by some fashion model. You were beautiful, of course. No make up, no hair style, no wardrobe change could make you less than perfection in his eyes. This new Y/N was even more intimidating than the girl he knew. What else had changed?

James elbowed Sirius after you were out of sight. “Merlin’s bollocks, Padfoot! You didn’t even say hello!”

“She’s so… different. Merlin,” Sirius breathed.

“I thought she looked lovely,” Remus commented.

“Of course she did,” Sirius agreed. “But why? She was already the most beautiful girl at Hogwarts?”

“Well, I suppose nobody ever told her they thought so,” Remus replied nonchalantly.

* * *

You felt like crying. Sirius hadn’t even returned your wave, let alone said anything to indicate he had noticed or appreciated your makeover. Who were you kidding? Sirius Black was out of your league. It was time to move on.

You joined your dorm mates in your traditional compartment that you had been sharing since you went home for Christmas break in first year.

They all knew of your crush on Sirius, of course, and that you had decided to move on if your new look didn’t inspire him to return the sentiment.

“What’s wrong, Y/N?” Mary asked, noticing your frown.

“The usual. He didn’t even say hello. I just need to get over him,” you said with a sad sigh.

Alice said, “Best way to get over one bloke is to get under another.”

You all laughed, though your chuckle was half-hearted.

“Dirk Cresswell has asked you out every year. Maybe you should give him a chance?” Dorcas said quietly.

“Need the loo, back in a bit,” Lily announced.

“Thanks for the update, darling. We’ll alert the  _Daily Prophet_ ,” Alice quipped.

Lily heard you tell Alice she was full of piss and vinegar as she slid the door closed and made her way down to the Marauders’ carriage.

After tapping, Lily was greeted immediately by James who looked like it was his birthday and Christmas all at once. “Evans! What can I do for you?”

“Walk with me, Potter.”

“Course,” he said, trying to sound smooth.

After they made their way down to an empty compartment and sat down, James said,  “We..lll!! This just got really interesting.”

“Get over yourself, Potter,” Lily snapped. “How does Sirius feel about Y/N?”

James looked surprised for a moment and then schooled his features. “Why do you ask?”

“Answer the question,” Lily persisted.

“Why do you ask?”. James asked stubbornly.

Lily considered James. She knew he would always put Sirius before any girl; they had that kind of close friendship that was so rare with men. They were more like brothers than friends and he would never betray his trust.

And Lily didn’t want to betray your trust. She sighed and said, “This was a bad idea. I just wanted to help.” She stood to leave.

“Wait!” James said quickly.

“What, Potter?”

“Let’s say, hypothetically, we had friends that would make a great couple. What would you want to do about that?” he asked carefully.

Lily considered his words and then sat back down. “I would first want to see if both parties would even want to be together.”

“Since you brought it up I assume you think the party you represent would be amenable?” he said professionally.

Lily chuckled. “Yes, I believe she would be. She has decided that the party you represent doesn’t care about her and has decided to pursue Dirk Cresswell instead.”

“Cresswell?” James exclaimed.

Lily shrugged. “He’s a fit bloke and he’s asked her out every year. She was just pining over another lad and never accepted.”

“But now she’s decided she’s waited long enough,” James concluded.

“Right,” Lily agreed. “And she went to a good deal of trouble to make herself more appealing to the party you represent and he didn’t even speak to her when she said hello.”

James sighed. “He was flummoxed. He’s absolutely head over heels in love with her. Has been for ages.”

“Blimey, coulda fooled me!”

James nodded. “I know. She makes him so nervous that he can barely speak around her and with that Pureblood posture he always seems like he’s looking down his nose at people.”

They were both quiet for a moment, then Lily said, “So what do we do?”

* * *

Sirius was actually trying to work up the nerve to go and talk to you. Remus had convinced him that he had been a dolt and he wanted to go and tell you how pretty you looked. The idea of talking to you by himself and with any romantic intention made him hyperventilate a little. But also, well…what if you thought he only liked you since you changed your looks? And how did he say he thought you were perfect before without sounding like he didn’t like how you looked now?

Remus and Peter had been listening to Sirius mutter and prattle about this since James had left. They were both a bit glassy eyed after early attempts to use logic and reasoning on him, which of course he wanted no part of.

So he was now talking himself into leaving the carriage and finding you. He had no plan beyond that, but he hoped that he would be struck with inspiration.

He stepped out into the corridor and saw you at the other end of the carriage – laughing and flirting with Cresswell. He stopped dead, almost wishing that he  _was_  dead.

Remus saw Sirius standing still and wearing an expression akin to the one a child who walks in on their parents having sex might have: confusion, then the utter horror of understanding followed by the instinctual need to flee.

When he came over to see what had shaken his friend so badly, he saw you and Cresswell at one end of the carriage and Sirius disappear into the next car in the other direction.

“Bollocks,” he hissed, then went off to follow Sirius. A heartbroken Sirius was a reckless Sirius and nobody wanted that – especially on a train moving at high speed.

* * *

You were trying so hard to enjoy flirting with Dirk. What was wrong with you? He was fit, smart, funny, any girl would be thrilled to have his interest. He had one fatal flaw that you just couldn’t see a way to overcome.

He wasn’t Sirius.

You extricated yourself from the conversation where you attempted the flirting techniques that Marlene and Dorcas had suggested. You felt like a dullard but they assured you that they had been spying on you and that you didn’t seem anywhere near as awkward as you said you felt.

“While I appreciate the pep talk, I assure you that it would be impossible to show just how awkward I felt without spontaneously combusting.”

“Chin up, dearest,” Mary said encouragingly. “If Sirius is such a dim bulb that he doesn’t see how amazing you are, then who wants him anyway?”

You smiled at her kindness, but inside you were screaming, Me! I want him, any way!

* * *

Remus caught up with Sirius and said, “Padfoot, it was probably nothing!”

Sirius surreptitiously wiped his eyes while Remus pretended not to see. “I think it was something. Cresswell has always had a thing for her. I reckon she has something for him now, too.”

“You should go tell her that you’ve fancied her for years.”

Sirius shrugged. “Just don’t think it was meant to be, Moony,” he said sadly. “M’gonna go find someplace quiet for a bit.”

“Yeah, alright,” Moony said, then turned to find James as soon as Sirius passed into the next carriage.

* * *

You were leaning your head against the window, watching the landscape blur past. This had always been a happy, hopeful trip in the past, but now you were dreading the end of the trip and the beginning of yet another year of pining for Sirius.

You knew you were being pitiful but you couldn’t help it. You had failed utterly with every attempt you had made to make Sirius notice you. You had doubted that you wanted to be with a bloke who only wanted you after you had a makeover, but this was your last ditch effort. If a bit of paint drew his attention, it certainly wouldn’t be what would hold it. Your plan might have been to look differently for him, but you always planned to be yourself.

In any case, your Plans A and B both appeared to have deep, fatal flaws; he was apparently interested in neither your looks nor your personality. You felt fairly certain at this point that you were going to die alone, most likely in a cottage in the woods where you would live a tragically lonely existence, coming to town a few times a year to sell whatever lonely person thing you could trade for goods to sustain your miserable, isolated, unwanted and unloved existence.

“Y/N!” you heard Lily say loudly.

“What?” you answered, startled.

“I’ve been saying your name!”

“Oh, sorry. I was…thinking.”

“Right. Well, I want to go hunt down the Trolley Witch and everyone else is gone, so you’re coming with me.”

“She’ll be around sooner or later,” you said, dismissing the idea.

“Well, I prefer sooner, so get off your bum!”

“Fine,” you grumbled, grudgingly getting to your feet.

You followed along after Lily, staring at your feet dejectedly until Lily stopped abruptly. “Wha – eep!” you began to ask as a hand reached out of a dark compartment and yanked you inside, pushing you to sit down on a bench and then hurrying out and slamming the door loudly.

You stood up and reached for your wand, only to find it missing. You began to get scared, worried that some of the Pureblood fanatics were attacking people they deemed unworthy right on the train now!

You tried to get yourself together – the curtains must be drawn. You didn’t have a wand, so you would open the drapes and see what was going on. You turned to go to the window, feeling along the front of the bench while you slid your foot forward – and kicked someone, which produced a rather indignant and pained sounding grunt.

“Who’s there?” you asked with a bit of a tremble in your voice.

The voice was garbled so you said, “Hang on, I’ll help you! Let me open the blinds.”

You stepped gingerly across the other person making sure not to kick them again. As you reached the window, you pulled the curtains. They resisted so you wound up tearing the fabric until a sliver of light came in the room. You looked down and saw…Sirius, trussed and gagged.

“Oh, bloody fucking hell,” you groaned.

Sirius looked down. There was all the answer he needed.

“Mmm mmf rrr rrrg,” Sirius growled around his gag.

You took a deep breath and gently removed the cloth from his mouth.

“Uck,” he said as you looked down, not wanting to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry my idiot friends did this to you,” you both said almost the same words at almost the same time

“What d’ya mean ‘your idiot friends did this to you?’ My idiot friends did it for me.”

“What? Lily tricked me into coming here because I’ve been trying to get your attention for years,” you said sadly, then continued in a whisper, “I even changed my hair and clothes and stuff and you didn’t even notice.”

“What?” he whispered.

You undid the last knot so he was free and stood to go to the door. If you pounded loudly enough someone was bound to hear.

“I noticed,” he whispered. “You look beautiful, but you always look beautiful. I thought you were perfect before, though. You would be beautiful in rags.”

“What?” you said dumbly, turning to find him standing right behind you. “Why didn’t you…?”

Sirius looked down at his feet. “Because…I didn’t think you could want me. You’re so…and I’m just…my family…”

“Shush,” you said, pulling him into a hug. “They don’t matter. You’re wonderful, Sirius. You have completely ruined me for other blokes.”

“But…I saw you with Cresswell?” he said against your hair, soaking up your touch even though he knew it was just pity.

“I was trying,” you whispered. “I thought you didn’t even see me, let alone like me. So I was trying to like him. But I couldn’t.”

Sirius pulled back enough to look down into your eyes. “I passed liking you a long time ago. I am utterly crazy for you, Y/N.”

“Really?” you whispered. “Then why…?”

“Like I said, I didn’t think with my family and –”

“No!” you interrupted. “I already told you I don’t care about any of that.”

“Then what?”

“Then why aren’t you kissing me?” you said with an impish grin.

Sirius pulled you close and kissed you gently, both of you sighing into the kiss as if to say, “At last.”

Sirius looked down into your eyes after the sweet first kiss with the girl of his dreams, a definitely lovestruck look on his face.

“Merlin but you’re adorable,” you said in a dreamy voice.

“Must be because I completely adore you,” he replied softly. “Godric, if this is a dream I’m going to be so pissed off when I wake up.”

“It’s real, Sirius. I dreamed of you for years, I can certainly tell the difference!”

“Really? What’s the biggest sign that this isn’t a dream?”

“You talked less and kissed more in my dreams,” you replied with a cheeky grin.

“Far be it from me to keep the girl of my dreams from realizing hers,” Sirius said earnestly, then leaned down to kiss you with quite a bit more passion.

The kiss was all you’d ever hoped for and you both became lost in it. When you pulled back, gasping for air, you looked into Sirius’ eyes and said, “That was better than any dream. You’re perfect.”

He smiled happily and said, “Then perhaps we should be the perfect couple, because you are everything I have ever hoped for.”

“Are you asking me to be your girlfriend, Mr. Black?”

Sirius nodded solemnly. “I am indeed, Miss Y/L/N.”

“It would be my greatest pleasure to be yours, Sirius,” you whispered, smiling from ear to ear.

“Then maybe we should go tell them their plan worked?” he suggested.

“Nah, let 'em suffer. I wanna snog my boyfriend.”

“Perfect girl,” he murmured as he lowered his lips to yours.

You wrapped your arms around your boyfriend’s neck and lost yourself in his kiss, overjoyed to have your dream come true at last.


	17. Beginnings

The Pureblood Holiday Ball was a tedious, awful affair full of old fashioned traditions and ideals. You knew so many useless dances and manners that you hated; your future was not going to be spent among the narrow-minded people that attended these events and thought that they mattered.

Unfortunately, this included your family. You knew you were a disappointment, a lone Ravenclaw among generations of Slytherins. You would much prefer to be holed up in your bedroom reading a good book, but you were forced to waste time learning and executing dances and memorizing names and how deeply to curtsy to whom.

Your family weren’t extremists, but they weren’t liberal-minded by any stretch of the imagination. They had accepted your friendships with members of your house and didn’t intend to marry you off to a racist heir as soon as you graduated. By the time they realized that you had no intention of settling down and popping out babies like a good little Pureblood wife, you would be independent and beyond their reach.

You just had to behave in a manner that wouldn’t draw too much attention until you could be your own person.

* * *

You had danced every dance so far, a few with dancers as accomplished as your parents had forced you to be, but several had left you with crushed silk on your robes from their sweaty hands holding you too tightly to go with your crushed toes from their artless feet stomping your properly placed steps.

You had snuck out a door off the ballroom that had been cracked to allow some cool air in and to let some smoke out. You stepped out and to the side of the doorway to stay out of sight of searching eyes.

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath, enjoying the clean scent of the snowy night. You were far enough away from London that the air wasn’t filled with smog from Muggle factories so you could see the stars in the sky.

You heard voices near the door and took another step sideways. Unfortunately, you caught your feet up in something and found yourself falling. You closed your eyes and braced yourself for impact, but when you landed it was neither as far down nor as hard and painful as expected. You opened your eyes to find yourself draped across someone reclining on a chaise lounge, evening clothes slightly askew with his bow tie completely undone, and you could smell whiskey on his breath.

“Well, hello Y/N,” Sirius Black purred. “Fancy you dropping in on me like this.”

You were lying chest to chest, his face mere inches from your own.  _Within kissing distance_ , your mind superfluously supplied.

He was certainly handsome, but this young man had been in so much trouble with his family that it would be sheer folly to be caught with him.

“I’m so sorry,” you said in a much breathier voice than intended. “I lost my footing, I had no idea you were here.”

“And I had such high hopes that you were coming out to ravish me,” he replied a bit salaciously.

“The night is young,” you shocked yourself by replying in a flirty tone.

“Why, Y/N! I had no idea you were such a saucy little minx!” he said as he tightened his hold on you.

You chuckled. “That’s because I’m not. Momentary lapse of sanity, Sirius. I better get back inside. If I get caught out here with you we’ll wind up betrothed.”

“How horrible,” he said in a voice that said it definitely would not be horrible at all.

You were confused and looked it. As you opened your mouth to question his comment, you gasped instead when you heard people approaching the balcony where you were currently in a compromising position with Sirius.

When you saw the doors begin to open, Sirius swept you up and set you over the edge of the balcony to slide down an edge around a corner so you wouldn’t be caught.

Sirius pulled you into his embrace and you struggled a bit until he whispered, “Be still, love. I’m covering the lighter color of your robes with mine so we aren’t spotted.”

You stilled and looked into his eyes. The playful, seductive look had been replaced with a serious expression mixed with a touch of excitement. He was enjoying himself!

Your dancing slippers were not meant for clinging to a second story ledge in winter. “If we survive this, I am going to kill you,” you hissed into his ear.

“Be quiet or you’ll be threatening your future husband.”

You scowled at him and then stuck your tongue out for good measure.

Sirius was so delighted by your reaction that he kissed you. It was a completely spur of the moment thing but he felt such a spark from the brief peck that he had to try it again, more seriously, more passionately.

You were overwhelmed with sensations. You had been kissed before, certainly, but never like this. Sirius’ kisses felt like they were fated. It was an extraordinarily singular feeling, as if you had just heard music or seen color for the first time after a life of darkness and silence. When he gently nipped at your lower lip to caress your tongue with his, your knees actually became weak.

When you broke apart to appease your burning lungs, you found yourself pressed against Sirius as closely as possible. You were both breathing heavily, eyes lidded with passion. Your hands had found their way into his hair and you wanted nothing more than to kiss him again.

“Merlin,” he whispered. “Where have you been all my life?”

You had just kissed Sirius Black. Sirius Black, the most notorious womanizer in your year at Hogwarts. “Oh, my goodness. Oh, Merlin, I need to get back inside,” you whispered.

Sirius watched the look of horror replace the dreamy expression you had worn until he had spoken and brought you back to the here and now. He laughed a bit bitterly. “Right. Wouldn’t want to be seen with me, would you?”

“That’s not… that’s not what I meant. I wouldn’t want to get caught like this with anyone.”

“But it would be worse with me, yeah?” he asked a bit angrily.

“Considering you’ve dated half the girls at Hogwarts, I doubt that one kiss with me will rehabilitate you into the sort of lad I could see myself with, no.”

Sirius smiled grimly, trying to cover the hurt that your words created. He knew it was illogical but he wanted you to feel the same as he did after that amazing kiss. “Course. Let’s get you back inside. You must be freezing.”

You smiled. “Thank you.”

Sirius gave a jaunty wink and said, “Think nothing of it, love. It was just a kiss.”

* * *

Sirius helped you inside and you made your way over to some acquaintances, hoping that your parents hadn’t missed you even though you knew the chances of that were slim.

You put on a superficial smile and wondered how soon it would be acceptable to leave. You had never especially enjoyed the Holiday Ball, but at least it hadn’t made you want things you couldn’t have before.

Your eyes drifted to the clock every few moments. The evening was dragging on longer than one of Professor Binn’s lectures on the History of Magic. Your mind kept drifting to the kiss you had shared with Sirius and more than once you caught yourself touching your lips as if trying to recreate the feelings his touch had evoked.

“May I have this dance?” you heard a polite voice ask and your body began to tingle as you looked up into the stormy gaze of Sirius Black.

He had repaired his hair and bow tie, his dress robes were immaculate. He bowed slightly before you as he awaited your response.

“I’d like that,” you said with a smile.

He led you onto the dance floor, spinning you expertly as you went through the intricate steps.of the traditional dance.

“You dance divinely, Mr. Black.”

“You sound surprised, love,” he said with a grin somewhere between cheeky and smoldering.

“It occurs to me that it would be shortsighted on my part to make further assumptions about you, Sirius,” you said quietly.

“There is one assumption you can make,” he said, his eyes drifting down to your lips – and lower.

“My eyes are up here, darling,” you said with no real malice. When he had returned his gaze to your face, you asked, “What is the one assumption I can make?”

“That wasn’t our last kiss,” Sirius said with a grin, his words a challenge.

You laughed happily. “Oh, Sirius, tell me something I don’t already know.”

Sirius actually missed a step in surprise, but he quickly regained the rhythm. “Something you don’t already know, hmm? How about…I’ve fancied you since second year and you dropping into my lap is a dream come true for me?” he said gently, hesitantly.

“Then I would say that you had better snap me up before I come to my senses,” you said with a smile.

“Then you’ll go out with me?”

“I suddenly feel the need to rehabilitate you, Black. How d’ya like the idea of becoming proper boyfriend material, m’dear?”

“I think it sounds like a worthy endeavor. How do you like the idea of taking on such a project?”

“I have a feeling it will be the most rewarding task that I have ever attempted to complete. And, of course, we will need to experiment with those kisses and make certain that the absolute bliss I felt wasn’t an anomaly. Are you willing to do potentially hours and hours of research to achieve our goals?”

“I am ready whenever you are, my lady,” he said softly, a gentle, hopeful smile on his face.

The song ended just then so Sirius led you over to the refreshments and you got some punch. He handed you your cup and then made a toast.

“To new beginnings,” he said quietly, sincerely.

“May it lead to endless adventures,” you responded, clinking your cup to his.

“Come out with me tomorrow,” he said impulsively.

“Of course,” you said with a smile, then continued before you took a sip of your punch, “as soon as I introduce you to my parents.”

Sirius’ eyes grew wide in instinctual fear, but then his expression changed to one of decisiveness. “I would be delighted, Miss Y/L/N,” he said, setting his cup down and extending his arm to escort you to where your family was standing.

You set your cup down and linked your arm through his. “We appear to have gained a bit of an audience,” you said, straightening your back and holding your head up high.

“Must be because you’re the most beautiful woman here.”

“I was going to say because you’re the most handsome man here.”

“Then perhaps we’re the best looking couple.”

You smiled up at him and said, “Yes, that must be it.”

“Love?”

“Hmm?” you said, pleasant smile in place as you nodded to acquaintances.

“This isn’t going to go away at the end of the ball, is it?”

You stopped walking and turned to look up into his face. “Your eyes shine like silver in this light,” you said irrelevantly.

He smiled and his cheeks may have flushed a bit.

“But to answer your question: no, I have no intention of tonight being the end of anything.”

Sirius smiled and bent over your hand to kiss the back, extremely proper looking but darting his tongue out to remind you that looks can be deceiving. Then he straightened his posture and took your arm and placed it back in the crook of his and said, “Let’s go impress the hell out of your parents.”


	18. Treetop Star

1978

“This one was my great-grandmother’s. It has a few scratches on it, but I still love it,” you said, showing Sirius one of your prized family heirloom Christmas ornaments as you decorated your first tree together.

You had been friends while you were at school together, but his penchant for trouble and love of the ladies made you keep him a friend despite his hints at a desire to be more.

Once you graduated Hogwarts and went on to your respective apprenticeships, you still saw each other regularly at meetings of the Order of the Phoenix. Sirius really grew up quickly once he saw the havoc Voldemort and his death eaters were wreaking on the world. He took it more seriously than any of you because he knew that several of the enemy were his relatives.

Whatever the reason, Sirius had matured immensely, and it became more and more obvious that he had eyes only for you. And well, you had always carried a bit of a torch for him, but you refused to allow yourself to fall for him while he was still sowing his wild oats. But when he asked you out almost a year after graduation, you took a chance and said yes. Six months later you had decided to move in together and now you were the nauseatingly sweet couple that everyone complained about but secretly wanted to be.

And so here you were, decorating your tiny tree in your tiny apartment and you couldn’t be happier. You had purchased a few new ornaments and your family had passed some down to you. You had fairy lights and it was adorable.

“Oh no, Sirius!”

“What? What’d I do?” he said, panicking that he had broken a treasure.

“No, love,” you said with a little giggle. “I just realized we don’t have a star for the top of the tree.”

Sirius let out a sigh of relief. “Well… let’s go get one.”

“Yeah?” you said, jumping to your feet from where you had been digging through the box of decorations.

He pulled you into a hug and said, “Yeah. We’ll put it on our tree forever.”

“Sometimes you’re so sweet I just want to eat you up!”

“Gives me something to look forward to later,” he said with a naughty grin and wiggling eyebrows.

* * *

You bought a lovely star that you probably couldn’t afford, but you splurged anyway. And you put it on your tree and spent every evening looking at the lights. And the next year you did the same, celebrating in the midst of a war. The star was your symbol of hope, that even though terrible things we’re happening around you, you were together and you could make it as long as you had each other.

* * *

1981

The following year everything changed. Sirius was in Azkaban, your best friends were dead and everyone said that the man you loved killed them. And when you stood your ground and declared him innocent, all of your friends turned their backs on you.

Your family understood and supported you as you went down to the Ministry to inquire after his case every month on the first business day, like clockwork. They wouldn’t let you see him, they wouldn’t give him a trial, they just left him in a horrific limbo.

And your treetop star stayed packed away.

Christmas meant nothing to you without Sirius. He was your love and held your heart. Without him you were living a sort of half-life. You put on a happy face for your family, but at home there were no decorations, no twinkling lights. Only photographs and memories of when you were together.

* * *

1993

Then came the joyous news that he had escaped. He didn’t come to you, but the Aurors still questioned you frequently and watched you constantly.

You decorated a tree that year. He wasn’t with you, but he was free. You were happy that he at least had his freedom, even if you weren’t together. You placed your treetop star and hoped upon hope that next year he’d be with you.

And then there came a knock at your door in early June.

“Remus?” you said, shocked. You hadn’t seen your old friend since James and Lily’s funeral when you had made it clear that you believed in Sirius and he said you were a damned fool.

“Hello, Y/N,” he said with a smile. “You look wonderful.”

“Thank you. What am I thinking, come in!!”

You led Remus into the parlor.

“Please, make yourself comfortable. Would you like some tea?”

“That would be lovely,” he said, knowing that his news would be best served with a steaming cup of comfort.

When you returned with tea and some biscuits, you served Remus and yourself and then said, “Well, Remus, as happy as I am to see you, I don’t think you came for my tea brewing skills.”

“Indeed I did not, though I should have visited years ago.”

“Merlin, the suspense is killing me!”

“I’ve seen Sirius.”

You sat your tea down on the table with a clatter. “Is he well?”

“He’s determined. He’s alive. And so is Peter. Sirius was telling the truth all along.”

“I know that,” you scoffed.

Remus smiled. “I wish I had listened to you.”

“Where is he?”

“I don’t know. Once he exposed Peter he was captured and Harry helped him escape.”

“Harry,” you whispered. “My darling boy. I’ve missed so much.”

“He’s just like James,” he said quietly. “Headstrong, loyal, funny. It’s like looking back in time.”

You were both quiet for a moment as you thought of your friends you had lost.

“Did Sirius ask after me?”

“He asked if you had married.”

“That numbskull!”

“My words exactly. I told him that you never stopped believing and waiting,” he said. “And I do believe that some dust flew into his eye at that precise moment.”

You smiled at the masculine denial of emotion. Silly boys.

“I’ve missed him so very much. You don’t know where he is?”

“No, but I know he’ll come to you as soon as he can. He won’t endanger you, though.”

* * *

1995

Christmas at Grimmauld Place was never a festive affair when Sirius’ parents had been alive, but you were doing your very best to overcome the shadows of the past for Sirius. This was your first Christmas together since before he was unjustly imprisoned, and the joy at placing your treetop star was beyond measure.

“Love, I can’t believe you kept this all these years,” Sirius had whispered when you unwrapped it.

“We said we would put it on our tree forever. I still want forever with you.”

“Oh my darling, I love you more than you can possibly imagine.”

* * *

2008

Your husband and your four older children were rolling around on the floor in your den. Honestly, at times he was the biggest kid of all. He was currently defending a ‘cave’ made up of sofa cushions and afghans. Two children lay wailing in dramatic agony as his mighty talons ripped their guts out.

He was telling them what they had eaten for dinner last night based on the goo from their intestines. You rolled your eyes and continued at your task, knowing your youngest would be waking from her nap soon and demanding Mama.

You were sorting ornaments by their fragility and keeping the oldest ones for the higher branches. When you came across the very carefully wrapped treetop star, you smiled.

“Sirius,” you called out.

And your husband stopped being a scary monster and hopped up to see what you needed, much to the displeasure of the brave knights he was fighting, regardless of whether their guts were on the ground.

You showed him the star and he smiled and kissed you, drawing a few exclamations of yuckiness from your kids.

“I love you, Y/N. Forever.”

“Forever,” you smiled, then handed him the star to place on the treetop.


	19. Second Star to the Right

You were in the nursery rocking your daughter to sleep. She was eight months old and had the dark hair, light eyes and perfect bone structure of her father. You saw the fear in his eyes every time he looked at his beautiful children, knowing that they favored him in looks and praying that they favored you in behavior. **  
**

“Merlin, Y/N, they all look just like me,” he said when your third child had been born with a tiny head covered in black fuzz and his aristocratic nose and stubborn chin.

“Maybe we’ll get lucky and this one won’t act like her Daddy,” you said with a quiet chuckle, already knowing that this child would be as ornery as her brothers.

“Hopefully she’ll be smart like her Mama,” he whispered, then leaned forward and kissed you. “I love you so much, Y/N.”

“I love you, too, Sirius. Thank you for giving me these beautiful babies.”

Sirius chuckled and looked at you like you hung the moon. “Love, you did all the work. You are absolutely amazing. My part in it was all fun, I promise. In fact, it was so much fun I’m all for trying to out-breed the Weasleys.”

* * *

Sirius had been a headstrong, trouble-seeking womanizer when he was young, until his life had been cruelly yanked from him for most of his adulthood. He had gone from rambunctious school lad to soldier to a prisoner under the worst of conditions in a four year period.

You had been two years behind Sirius in school, and so had not been close at Hogwarts. When he had finally escaped from hell, he had been a different man from the one you had known in school and as a healer for the Order during the First Wizarding War. You had become friendly in the first Order, but had truly become close friends after he escaped and the Order had reformed in his childhood residence.

As the only unmarried healer, you were available to move into the eerie headquarters and be available to help with injuries any time of the day or night.

Some of those injuries weren’t on the surface; Sirius had frequent nightmares. His room on Grimmauld was right next to yours. At first you didn’t meet his bloodshot eyes the morning after a nightmare, but eventually you noticed the dark circles and increase in his drinking.

The next time he had a nightmare that woke you, you decided to see if you could comfort him. As you opened the door to his bedroom, his thrashing on the bed had tangled him in his sheets, perhaps contributing to his struggles. You nodded to yourself and went over to the side of his bed.

“Sirius,” you called quietly. He didn’t seem to hear, so you called louder.

When he still didn’t respond, you perched on his bed on your knees and touched his shoulder. His eyes flew open and he flipped you onto your back, one hand at your throat and the other drawn back in a fist, prepared to smash your face.

“Sirius! It’s me, Y/N! You were having a nightmare!”

He seemed to come to his senses, removing his hand from your throat and scooting back up to his headboard, as far from you as he could get without going through the wall.

“Y/N,” he rasped, bare chest heaving from his terror and exertions. “What the fuck are you doing here?”

You slowly sat up, rubbing at your throat. “You have nightmares, I wanted to see if I could help.”

“Haven’t you ever heard that it can be dangerous to wake someone from a nightmare?” he growled. “I could have killed you!”

“I seem to recall reading something like that once, now you mention it,” you said sarcastically, rolling your eyes.

And as you demonstrated your skill in whole body derision, you got rather an eyeful of Sirius’ dislike for pyjamas.

You quickly turned away and said, “Could you have the decency to cover up?”

Sirius started to reach for a sheet when you said this, then said, “No, this is my bedroom. I happen to prefer sleeping naked, thank you very much. Come into my room uninvited and you see what you see, darling. I also find it hilarious that you’re more offended by my nudity than my attempt on your life.”

“Read into that whatever you like, darling,” you said snidely as you stood to leave.

“I think I’ll read into it that you’ve had more men try to kill you than bed you. Makes perfect sense, harpy that you are,” he said in a nasty tone.

You halted for a moment and your back stiffened at the insult, then you continued to the door. “I hope you slumber peacefully the rest of the night, Mr. Black.”

Sirius felt awful. You had come to his room to try and help him and he had beat you up and insulted you.

Things were icy for the next few days. You didn’t joke and laugh with him as you had before, and he couldn’t blame you. He had tried to apologize but you simply left the room when he broached the subject.

Which is why he was shocked to wake up with you in his arms a few days later. He tried to recall the night, he peeked under the sheet to see that while he was naked as usual, you wore your usual t-shirt and shorts. Yet you were curled into his side so closely that he could barely tell where he ended and you began.

And it was perfect.

As he looked at you asleep on his shoulder, he felt a peace that he had never known before. He assumed you must have heard him having a nightmare again, and even after he behaved as an utter cad with you the first time you tried to help him, you still came to try again.

As your eyelashes fluttered and you woke up, you looked briefly surprised to be in such an intimate position with Sirius, and then he saw the moment it clicked into place.

“Sorry,” you muttered, pulling away. “While I’m the last woman you’d ever want in your bed when you’re awake, you were quite insistent that I stay while you were asleep.”

“I’m so sorry I was so awful to you. You’ve never been anything but kind to me and I lashed out at you like a spoilt little shit. And yet you were kind enough to help me again. Thank you.”

You gave him a small smile. “It’s alright. Just cover up, for Merlin’s sake!”

He looked down and realized that he was flashing you yet again. “Maybe I should start wearing something to bed.”

“Well…no need to go all overboard,” you said with a wink as you went back to your room to get ready for the day.

Sirius grinned and hoped that he would have another nightmare that night.

* * *

That was a turning point in your relationship. You opened up to each other, spent all your time together and were as happy as could be expected in the midst of a war. You read together, cooked together, and more times than not woke up together.

Then came the time that you went to sleep together deliberately. You were in love, more deeply than you had ever dreamed possible. You became constant companions, preferably touching at all times.

“Darling?” he began one evening when you were in the library relaxing, his head in your lap while you read.

“Yes, love?” you answered a bit distractedly, not looking up from the book you were reading while you stroked his hair.

“When this is all over, when we’re free to be together…would you marry me?”

You laughed and leaned forward to kiss him and said, “Of course, Sirius. I have plans to kidnap you and force you at wandpoint if you didn’t ask.”

* * *

The two of you were always together. You had been there at the Battle of the Department of Mysteries to pull him away from the  _giant foggy portal_  he and Harry had been using for cover, kept him sane while he had to watch his beloved Godson go through unimaginable trials against an insane wizard five times his age, prayed with him for the kids’ safety after they had gone missing from Bill and Fleur’s wedding, fought by his side at the Battle of Hogwarts, and rejoiced in the victory and shared in his grief as you mourned those lost in the battle.

And from the ashes, Sirius finally was allowed to live, even through his grief at losing Tonks, Fred and so many others. Even as he reconnected with his cousin Andromeda to help her and and Remus to deal with their grief and to help them to raise Teddy. Through his guilt at surviving, he attempted to push you away, feeling unworthy of love when so many of your friends had been violently and cruelly taken by war.

You gave Harry a home with you until he was ready to go out on his own. In addition to saving the world, Harry saved a bit of his godfather’s soul: he told him that Regulus had died stealing one of Voldemort’s horcruxes, that at the end he had seen the world as his older brother had and died a hero.

The rest of his soul had been healed by the birth of his children. Your beautiful daughter nursing at your breast and her two older brothers along with Harry and Teddy filled Sirius with more joy than he had known in his lifetime. The terror at the idea of being a father that began when your period had been late, had grown with your belly and when you had gone into labor, and then vanished completely when your son had been placed in his arms.

Sirius Black had found his place in the world. He was simply meant to be surrounded by children and family.

When you got the baby to bed and checked on the toddler, finding him to be sleeping peacefully after taking off his pyjamas (another characteristic he had gotten from his father) you went in search of your husband and your oldest child. As usual, your search led you to the back garden, where you found the love of your life laying on his back with a miniature version of himself tucked against his side, both pointing to the night sky.

“So if you look at this group of stars, the second star to the right is called Regulus. Your uncle was named after the star and you were named after your uncle, who was a very brave man, a hero.”

And your heart melted. Sirius Black finally had a home.


	20. Home Is Whenever I'm With You

You had grown up in the shadow of Hogwarts and knew the surrounding area like the back of your hand. There was an old cave in the hills that you used to play in. It was a wonderland in summer for an only child who lived more in her head than in the moment. You were a smuggler, a dragon, Golem and any number of other make-believe characters. You would sometimes just bring a book and a sandwich, content to be alone.

Of course, when your parents found out they went spare. There could be wild creatures, you could get injured and they might not find you in time to help you. You had acted properly chastened and been more careful, but until you graduated from Hogwarts and moved to London, you had continued to go to your cave.

So today you were back in Hogsmeade for a visit and to mind your parents’ home while they traveled, and you decided to pack some food and a blanket and book and go to your cave.

When you arrived you wandered in as always, eager to revisit your childhood. As you went around the bend with your wand as a torch, you found yourself face to face with  _a fucking Hippogriff_!

After a shocked moment, you remembered your Fantastic Beasts and made eye contact and bowed to the Hippogriff, hoping that you were doing it correctly. Luckily he bowed back and you slowly straightened, saying, “Hello, there. What are you doing here, eh?”

“I was just wondering the same thing of you,” came a hoarse voice from behind you.

You jumped, shrieking a bit, turning to the voice, wand out.

“Bloody hell,” you muttered. You put two and two together from what you had heard rumored at the Ministry and what your parents had told you and came to the conclusion that you were face to face to with the infamous – and extremely wanted – Sirius Black.

“Ah hi,” you said. “I used to play here. We went to school together. Do you want a sandwich?”

Sirius tilted his head and looked at you like you were speaking a different language. “Did you just offer me a sandwich?”

“I did.”

“And we were at school together?”

“I was younger than you. I reckon I still am. I babble when I’m nervous.”

“I see that. Why are you here?”

“House minding for my parents. They’re traveling.”

“No, here in the cave. But the bit about your parents being gone may not be the kind of thing to tell escaped prisoners in the future. For your own safety.”

“Noted.”

“And you are pointing a wand at me but have not used it,” he pointed out quietly.

“Oh, sorry,” you said, pointing the wand away.

“Thank you,” he said. “Look, I hate to bring this to your attention, but I gathered from your statement that we were at school together that you know who I am?”

“Yes.”

“And so you know that I’m a bit of a fugitive?”

You chuckled. “Yes, I know that you’re a bit of a fugitive.”

“So again, I do not want to cause you any alarm, but why are you so calm in the face of an escaped mass murderer?” he asked, perplexed.

“Oh! Blimey, yeah, I suppose I do seem a bit off, yeah?”

“Just a bit,” he said cautiously.

“Right. Well, a few things really. One, I was in Gryffindor, so I saw you and the Potters and you can’t fake that. You would never have hurt them.”

Sirius swallowed and said, “Go on.”

“Two, Harry Potter says you’re innocent.”

Sirius merely nodded.

“Three is a bit silly, I reckon, but you have a Hippogriff for a friend. I don’t think he’d trust a bad person.”

“So you have decided that I’m innocent because I have a Hippogriff to vouch for me?” Sirius asked with a hint of a smile.

“Ha! No, I remember you from school. I would never describe you as ‘innocent.’ But no, I never believed you could ever have been with You-Know-Who.”

Sirius smiled and said, “What’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

“Well, Y/N, I sincerely hope you’re telling the truth –”

“Hey!” you interrupted.

“BUT can you blame me for being careful?”

“No, of course you’re right.”

“Thank you,” he said gently.

“If I hand you my wand will you give it back?”

“Yes,” he answered immediately. “You have my word.”

You walked over and handed him your wand, and the light from your Lumos spell dissipated.

“Merlin,” he whispered, incredulous. “Lumos.”

The light flickered on, more dimly and a second after it would have if you’d cast the spell. “My wand doesn’t much care for other people groping it,” you joked.

“I envy you that,” he sighed, handing you the wand back.

As you recast the light spell, you said, “So, how about that sandwich?”

“That would be great, thanks.”

You spread your blanket and said, “Y’know, I bet my Dad has some warmer clothes you could have.”

Sirius looked at you and said, “Why are you being kind to me?”

“You probably don’t even remember, but some Slytherin boys caught me alone and were harassing me one night. You rescued me, ran them off, held me til I was done crying and then walked me to our common room. Then you told me if they gave me any more trouble to let you know. You were my hero, Sirius, my idol. I started bringing you chocolates and other sweets and just letting you know that I thought you were a wonderful person. I might have had a bit of a crush, by the way,” you said in a confidential fashion.

“So you’re being kind to me now to return a favor from 15 years ago?”

“And that is perfectly reasonable.”

“I do remember you, actually, but you have changed… significantly,” he said with something like appreciation. He had been merely trying to survive for so long that he hadn’t had much time to acknowledge beauty, but he was still a man who appreciated a lovely woman.

You laughed and said, “I reckon I have changed a bit. I was a scrawny thing in school.”

“Well you certainly aren’t now,” he said in an unintentionally seductive tone.

You cleared your throat and said, “Are you sleeping here, Sirius?”

“Yes,” he said cautiously.

“Goodness, it gets so cold in here. Nice in summer, not so very nice any other time of year.”

Sirius shrugged. “Azkaban wasn’t exactly a bed and breakfast. I can’t really recall what warm feels like anymore.”

“Come with me!” you said impulsively. “I’ll find you some warm clothes, you can have a shower and eat a hot meal…”

Sirius looked around, as if expecting to be ambushed by Aurors at any moment.

“Are you serious?” he asked, amazed.

“Ha no, you are. I’m Y/N.”

Sirius barked a laugh, surprising you both. You smiled back and said, “Let me feed you.”

“Well I can’t just go traipsing through Hogsmeade, now can I?” he joked.

“Just change into your animagus. Goodness, that’s fairly obvious.”

“WHAT?”

“Merlin, the four of you were so obvious with your nicknames. Then again I did rather pay more attention to you than others, I reckon, and as I was quiet and unobtrusive I think you sort of ignored me when I was around.”

Sirius was once again flummoxed by you.

You turned and headed out of the cave. “You coming then, Padfoot?”

* * *

Sirius watched the light from your wand grow dimmer as you rounded the bend and moved to the entrance of the cave. He looked at Buckbeak as if for advice, but the creature was not offering up any wisdom. “You’re no help,” he muttered.

“Here, boy!” Sirius heard from the entrance, and bugger him for a bunch of bananas, did you just whistle for him?

He smiled and changed, then scampered on four legs to the entrance.

“G’boy,” you said with a laugh when he reached you. He put his mouth around your hand, not enough to bite but just to remind you he had teeth.

“Point taken, you’re a big scary boy. A big, fluffy scary boy.”

Sirius huffed.  _Impertinent woman_ , he thought to himself.

“C’mon, ya big scary mutt. Let’s get you some kibble.”

Sirius bumped his shoulder into your hip, knocking you a bit off balance. You simply laughed.

You walked a bit, unconsciously petting his head and neck and unknowingly giving him the first affection he’d known since the brief hugs he’d received from Remus and Harry that fateful night almost a year ago.

When you came to a cottage and climbed onto the porch, Sirius tensed for a moment, but then followed you inside.

“Let me make sure the blinds are pulled and then you can change.”

As you went around to the windows and doors, Sirius looked around. It was a spacious and comfortable cottage. Lots of books and board games about, as well a hissing cat.

“Alright, you can become a real boy,” you said with a smile. “Let’s go find you some clothes and you can have a shower while I throw some dinner together, yeah?”

“Don’t suppose you have a scissors? I really don’t think I can drag a comb through this…”

“Oh, sure. Want me to help?” you asked as you went to the drawer where your Mum kept such things.

“Ah if you don’t mind, thank you,” he said quietly.

“Here, have a seat,” you said, pulling out a chair in the kitchen.

Sirius sat in the proffered chair, feeling guilty for touching the clean furniture with his filthy robes.

“Now, dahling, what were you thinking?” you asked in a posh accent. “Something stylish and edgy or perhaps shoulder length bad-boy, as you used to prefer?”

He smiled and said, “I think I’ll let you decide, dahling.”

“Shoulder length it is,” you said in a sassy voice.

You cut the worst of the tangles away and took about a dozen inches of hair off, then said, “I’ll even it up after you shower and we can brush it, yeah?”

“Yeah, thanks,” he whispered.

“Let’s get you in the tub,” you said.

“Planning to wash my back, are you?” he said with a leer.

You laughed and said, “Maybe next time, Mutt.”

You led Sirius to the bathroom, got him towels and gave him the scissors for his beard and found soap, shampoo and shaving supplies.

“I’ll go dig through Dad’s clothes and find you some warm clothes. Though…you could stay here while my parents are gone if you want. Plenty of room,” you said over your shoulder as you walked away.

“You’d share a house with me?”

“I did for four years at Hogwarts, didn’t I?” you yelled down the hall.

Sirius looked out the door but you had disappeared. Weird woman. Weird  _beautiful_  woman, but still weird. He smiled and closed the door, turning the water on in the shower to heat up while he attacked his tangled beard with the scissors.

* * *

You had found a few changes of warm clothes, socks and underthings for Sirius and placed them in the guest room. The fireplace in the room was blazing away and it was toasty in the room. You had put fresh sheets on the bed in case Sirius decided to stay and then headed out to the kitchen to start some dinner. You heard the shower stop and reckoned he’d have a shave and then be out for his haircut. When the bathroom door opened, you turned from the counter where you were chopping mushrooms and saw him with a towel around his waist.

“Merlin,” you whispered. He had gotten more handsome in the years since you had seen him last. Perhaps your crush from Hogwarts wasn’t a thing of the past.

The way you were looking at him made him double check to see if he had lost his towel. You were definitely eyeing him up like he was a snack and you were peckish.

You cleared your throat and pointed to the chair, saying, “Have a seat and I’ll trim up your hair.”

He sat down and you went and got another towel to put around his shoulders and a comb, took the scissors and combed out his hair and trimmed it up, having him lean forward so that it would be even. When you were done, you ran your hands through the strands to make sure there weren’t any stragglers and Sirius sighed happily at your touch, making you smile.

“All finished. I laid out some clothes in the guest room, upstairs on the left,” you said, turning back to the counter.

“Thanks,” Sirius said to your back.

“No problem,” you said, smiling at him over your shoulder, your lapse in judgment apparently tucked away.

_Better that way_ , Sirius thought to himself.

There were jeans, corduroy trousers, flannel shirts and a few t-shirts, jumpers, boxers, socks and even a pair of boots that were only a bit too big. It was heavenly putting clean clothes on his clean body, the fabric not threadbare and stiff with filth.

His hair was dry and the curl had returned. In short, he felt more like himself than he had since before James and Lily had been murdered. And he had a beautiful woman making him dinner.

He was pretty sure he was going to wake up soon.

He walked out to the kitchen in jeans, a navy blue t-shirt and boots. “Hello,” he said quietly.

“Hi,” you said with a smile.

“Something smells great,” he said, returning you smile.

“It’s just spaghetti and meatballs. Quick. Hope you like pasta.”

“I do, thank you. It’s wonderful.”

You nodded to the table and brought a salad over and munched a bit, then hopped up when a timer went off to get garlic cheese bread and pasta and pour wine.

Sirius made yummy sounds that were positively indecent. You were actually getting a bit heated up over the moans of appreciation.

“Goodness, Sirius, are you going to need clean pants when you’re done?” you finally said, grinning wickedly. “I hesitate to give you your pudding.”

Sirius’ eyes got very wide, realizing that you had just insinuated he was ah –  _enjoying_  – his dinner rather vigorously, and he blushed. “Sorry, Y/N.”

“Not at all, Sirius. I’ve never had anyone enjoy my cooking so much. Bit chuffed, actually.”

“Merlin, how did I miss you when we were in school?” he said with a wide smile, looking twenty years younger than when you had first seen him in the cave only a few hours before.

“I expect because three years is a much bigger deal during teen years than now.”

“So my advanced age isn’t a problem, now?” he joked.

“Not in the least,” you said, sipping your wine.

“I reckon there are plenty of other problems to choose from, yeah?”

“None that I can see,” you said with a wink.

“Be careful, Y/N, I’ll think you still have a crush on me,” he said with a self-deprecating chuckle.

“Accurate,” you said, standing to clear plates. “Would you like seconds or pudding?”

“Wait, I want to discuss your crush,” he said, standing to help clear the table.

You stuck your tongue out at him and said, “Pudding then?”

_Doubt what I want is going to wind up in my mouth_ , Sirius thought, but said, “Sounds wonderful. What can I do to help?”

“Just relax, I’ll bring it to you.”

“Right,” he said, sitting back down.

“Wine or tea?”

“I’d actually love a cuppa, thanks.”

You brought out a chocolate custard with home made whipped cream on top and a cup of tea, along with cream, honey and sugar.

“This is marvelous, love, thank you.”

You had been watching his expressions for more signs of his pleasure in his food, but he had schooled his features and used his words, more’s the pity.

After he had two helpings of custard and cream, you asked him if he wanted to relax on the sofa a bit. He did, of course, but he was concerned with endangering you.

“Love, this is very sweet, but my being here is dangerous for you. Are you sure I shouldn’t go?”

“I want you to stay. I made up the guest room for you and I want you to get a good night’s rest in a warm bed. Stay.”

_Wish you would be warming my bed_ , he thought, but said, “You are too kind. You have more than repaid any debt incurred by my heroics in school, darling.”

“Well, then. Let’s start keeping track of your debt to me. Do you cook?” you asked with a smile.

* * *

You talked and laughed a while longer until you were both yawning. You realized it had gotten rather late and suggested bed. Sirius comically wiggled his eyebrows at you and you both laughed. He thanked you for a wonderful evening. You told him there was a new toothbrush in the medicine cabinet and asked if he needed anything else before you got ready for bed, then said goodnight.

Sirius brushed his teeth and went upstairs, putting on the pajama bottoms you had left him earlier. Then he got into the warm, soft bed with clean, fresh sheets and thought,  _This has to be a dream._

* * *

You talked him into staying until the day before your parents came home. Truthfully, it didn’t take much effort to persuade him. He wanted to stay near you; the comforts you offered him were secondary.

You walked up with him to visit Buckbeak a few times but let him run off on his own, too. He was quite used to being alone and you didn’t want to overwhelm him with your constant presence. You didn’t realize that Sirius hated being alone, so the times you let him go off were not a gift but a depressing reminder of how his life would be again when your parents returned.

And that day came far too soon. You both dreaded his return to the dank cave with only a Hippogriff for company. As you packed up his clothes and some food for him, you were both quiet.

“Gonna miss you,” he said, finally breaking the silence.

You looked up from your task, eyes suspiciously shiny. “Gonna miss you, too,” you said with a sniff. “Hey, if you’re ever in London, come round my place and I’ll make you pasta.”

“If you’re ever in the hills, come round and visit me in my cave. Buckbeak isn’t all that chatty. But I always win our arguments, so that’s nice,” he joked.

“Well, that’ll be a refreshing change from me, then, yeah? I won all our arguments.”

Sirius laughed and said, “When did we argue?”

“See, you were so traumatized you’ve repressed the memory,” you said with a wink.

“Merlin, you make me happy,” he said quietly.

“I’m glad. I wish…well, I wish you could be happy all the time. You deserve to be.”

Sirius grabbed the bag and carried it down the steps. He’d argued that he didn’t need all this stuff, let alone in a bag with an Undetectable Extension charm, but you had been adamant. You sent books and blankets as well. If you could, you’d climb in and go with him.

It was safe to say that spending time with Sirius Black had not cured you of your crush.

He changed into Padfoot and you made your way to the cave. When you reached the entrance and went a little ways inside, he changed again and you stood awkwardly, neither of you wanting to say goodbye, but neither courageous enough to say what was in your heart.

“So,” you began.

“Yeah,” Sirius laughed.

“Gonna miss you,” you said quietly.

“Gonna miss you more,” he said, a frown marring his handsome face. Then he leaned forward and brushed his lips against yours, both afraid to kiss you and not to kiss you.

He needn’t have worried. You threw your arms around his neck and kissed him back enthusiastically; rather moreso than he expected and he found himself pressed up against the wall of the cave. He didn’t care, he returned your kisses hungrily, running his hands up and down your back as your hands tangled in his hair.

You needed oxygen or probably wouldn’t have stopped kissing until you passed out from exhaustion.

“Merlin,” he said. “I should have done that days ago.”

You laughed and said, “Yeah, you should have.”

Sirius took your hand and kissed the back, then looked down almost shyly and said, “So, will I see you again?”

You hunkered down a bit so you could look him in the eye and said, “Yeah, I think my parents are going to have more quality time with me than they know what to do with.”

Sirius smiled and kissed you again, then you said your goodbyes amid several more kisses before you finally made your way back to your parents’ cottage. There was quite a bit less bounce in your step in the return trip, but you comforted yourself that you would see him again.

* * *

You visited your parents nearly weekly. They were suspicious, of course, as they were more likely to come to London to see you as to get you to come to them.

With each visit, you made your way into the hills, running into Sirius’ embrace, kisses becoming more and more passionate until you admitted your love for each other. Your embraces became rather more involved after that.

Then your visit in late June arrived for you to find the cave empty. Sirius was gone, leaving not a trace behind.

* * *

You were depressed and worried. You had gone home to your flat in London and went about your life, but a cloud hung over every moment.

Then late one evening you heard a scratch at your door. It continued for a while until you grabbed your wand and went to look out the peephole. Padfoot!

You threw the door open and let him in, and as soon as the door closed he changed and pressed you against it. You kissed each other frantically, in a frenzy to be together again.

You made love urgently. You poured all of your feelings of fear and longing into your touches, he showed you how much he had missed you and loved you.

When you caught your breath and cuddled, Sirius told you of the events of the final challenge of the Goblet of Fire and that You-Know-Who was back, and that the Order was being reformed.

You made love again, more slowly and gently, savoring your closeness. Then you fell asleep in Sirius’ arms for the first time. 

Heaven.

* * *

  
You woke to a tickling sensation on your back and jumped a bit. You looked sleepily around and saw Sirius with a grin on his face. You smiled back and lifted your face to his for a kiss.

“Good morning, my love,” he said softly against your lips.

“Good morning, Sirius. I’m not used to waking up next to you, but it’s marvelous.”

“I love you so much. I never dreamed in all those years in hell I would ever find someone as wonderful as you to love me.” He leaned forward and kissed your bare shoulder. “One day soon, we’ll be able to be together every day. We’ll have a real home, I promise. You, me and Harry.”

“I love you, Sirius,” you said turning to embrace him. “But home isn’t an address for me. You’re all I need. Home is whenever I’m with you.”

And you kissed him like a promise of forever, home in this wonderful man’s arms.


	21. The Unknown Son

Sirius was in hell.

Well, purgatory. Hell-lite. Still. Extraordinarily unpleasant.

Back in Grimmauld Place. Huzzah. And cleaning up his family’s dark magic artifacts, double trouble!

Sirius stood in the drawing room after dinner, looking at the burnt-out place on the family tapestry where his image used to reside. He had stood here with Harry a few weeks previously, but now he wondered at the amount of hatred his mother must have had for him to be able to disown him.

“Sirius?” you said quietly.

“Yes, love,” he answered, recognizing the worry in your voice. “I’m fine.”

“I’ve always thought so,” you said in a saucy tone as you came over to hug him, running your hands up his chest to the slight V at his throat where his shirt was unbuttoned and dropping a kiss there.

“Is that so?” he asked. “I think you’re more than fine.”

You chuckled a bit and then said, “Whenever I look at this I am so confused.”

“Confused? That’s not generally what I feel.”

“I just…you were her son, her firstborn. She carried you in her body and watched you grow, witnessed your first wobbly steps and taught you your letters.”

“Yes,” Sirius agreed. “I suppose so.”

You shrugged and said, “For some reason I’ve been thinking about becoming a mother of late. And I don’t understand how anyone could make a child and give birth and then disown him.”

“I never understood my mother when she was alive, I don’t see how I will now she’s dead,” he said. “Wait, why have you been thinking of becoming a mother? Are you –?”

“Oh, Merlin, no!” you said with a laugh. “I didn’t mean to frighten you, though I guess that gives me your answer as to whether you’d like kids someday.”

“You want kids…with me?” he asked, astonished.

“Well, Prince Charles is taken and his brothers don’t answer my letters…Severus isn’t my type…the twins are a bit young…Bill, now, he’s dashing.”

Sirius pinched your bottom and said, “Hush you, or I’ll throw you over my shoulder, carry you off to bed and remind you who you love.”

“Can’t we do that anyway?”

Sirius chuckled and hugged you closer.

“I just mean that, did she even bother to get to know you? Because I think you’re wonderful.”

* * *

Sirius had followed through on his delicious threats and you were currently snuggled into his side, sound asleep with a contented smile on your face.

As he stroked your hair, he pondered your words from earlier. Had his parents ever known him?

He thought back to his childhood, something he really preferred not to do. In all his memories, none of the ones where he expressed any differing opinions ended well for him.

How had he lived with them for eleven years and then summers after school started without ever getting to know each other? Did they know that he loved to draw? That while he had complained about learning to play the piano, he actually loved that he could sit down at an instrument and make music? Or that while he sometimes said hurtful things without thinking first, he almost always regretted it and tormented himself for it?

Sirius suddenly realized that while his parents had hated him because had not been like them, they never actually knew him. If they had, they wouldn’t have been surprised in the least when he was sorted into Gryffindor. They would have understood that their son wasn’t growing into a man to be consumed by hatred, but one that would be saved by love.

Love.

He looked down at you and saw that your eyes were open and you were studying him.

“I love you, Y/N,” he whispered. “You saved me.”

“You saved yourself, Sirius! You survived and escaped from Azkaban, you did everything you could to protect Harry, you’re so full of love…darling, you’re so wonderful. Even your faults are adorable,” you said with a laugh, scooting up to kiss him.

“What faults?” he growled, nipping at your neck. “I thought I was perfect?”

“Noooooooooo, my love, you’re perfect for me. That’s different.”

“I actually like the sound of that,” he said speculatively. “Perfection is impossible, I’d be too worried about falling off my pedestal. Perfect for you is all I need.”

“Excellent, because it’s all you get,” you said, biting his earlobe.

“Surely that’s not all I get?” he asked, rolling to face you and slowly running his hand up your leg to rest on your hip and pulled it against his hardened length to demonstrate the results of you biting his ear. “I get to make you scream my name so loud my mother’s portrait is traumatized, too.”

“Mmmm yes, let’s do that.”

You did that.

* * *

Even though your second round of lovemaking wore Sirius out in a wonderful way, he was still thinking of how his parents had never known him. Of the two of their sons, Regulus had always been the obedient one, the one that made them proud. Yet Sirius had good people who loved him, so had he really missed out by being the unknown son? Or should he pity Regulus that he had become who they wanted him to be and still had died far too young?

He looked at you, snuggled against him again with your nose against his chest and knew that he would not trade his parents for you in a million years. If they never bothered to get to know their son, they could just shove off in whatever afterlife they had reached.

Sirius felt a bit of lightness at this revelation. With one small question, you relieved a burden he hadn’t even realized he had carried: why didn’t his parents love him?

Now he knew: it was impossible for them to love him because they never knew him. He would be content with being the unknown son and pray that he made a better father someday, because he knew now that his relationship with his parents was not his failing but theirs. Yet he would take away a lesson from his upbringing on how not to parent.

Now he just needed to propose to his future children’s mother. Even though you had already committed forever to each other, he knew marriage and children would please you and it would fill his heart with joy to make a family with you.

Sirius sighed contentedly and slipped into slumber, at peace with you at his side and the future full of possibilities.


	22. Practice Makes Perfect

“Why are you making this weird?” Sirius growled in frustration.

“Because it’s weird, Padfoot!” you said in a moderately whiny voice. “Just because you’ve snogged every other girl at Hogwarts and the Greater London Area doesn’t mean it isn’t weird for me.”

“Then you shouldn’t have accepted the mission!”

“Why do we have to pretend to be a couple?”

“Because it makes the most sense, Y/N!” he said for the umpteenth time. “We’re going where no one knows us. We both speak French and German. We’ve both been to Pureblood events and can blend. We know each other better than anyone else. We’ll be in a room together so we can watch each other’s backs.”

“I know, I know, but why do we have to kiss and stuff,” you grumbled.

“Because it’s our honeymoon tour,” he said in a long-suffering voice.

You huffed a sigh. “Fine. Kiss me,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut tightly and looking like you were about to be force fed poison.

“Y’know, there are a lot of girls who would be happy to kiss me, Y/N! You make it look like you expect me to shove a flobberworm down your gullet!”

“I’m sorry! Can we just…take a bit of a break?”

Sirius scooted over a bit on your sofa and said, “Yeah, alright.”

You both slouched back into the cushions and were quiet for a while, each lost in your own thoughts.

_This was a stupid idea, Sirius,_  he thought to himself.  _She only thinks of you as a friend and that face she made was proof._

_Why can’t you just enjoy kissing the man you love, you dullard? This is Sirius Black, it’s not like the opportunity will come again. He’s made it clear he only thinks of you as a friend._

You were both the dimmest of the dim. You had been friends all through Hogwarts, and really, romantic feelings hadn’t developed for either of you until you had graduated and joined the Order of the Phoenix together. The danger and importance of the missions caused you both to mature pretty quickly and put your childish behavior from your school days behind you.

And when you stopped acting like children, you finally noticed that the other had grown up, and all of a sudden there were all these new feelings for each other. Feelings that had nothing to do with friendship and everything to do with tearing off clothes and getting sweaty.

And that was why you couldn’t relax and kiss him. You were afraid that if you allowed yourself to make a kiss look real, it would quickly  _become_  real and you’d make a complete fool of yourself. Sirius would  _Disapparate_  so quickly your head would spin if he realized that you had feelings for him.

You looked over at Sirius, who was looking glum, most likely trying to think of someone else to take on the mission.

You sighed and said, “I can do this. Let’s try again.”

Sirius looked over at you skeptically. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Come over here and taste my tonsils, big boy,” you said, wiggling your eyebrows.

Sirius laughed and scooted back over next to you. “You really are lovely, Y/N. It’s absolutely no chore for me to kiss you,” he whispered as he leaned in to brushed his lips across yours once, twice.

You exhaled a shuddering breath and opened your eyes and looked into Sirius’. “Again,” you whispered.

Sirius leaned forward again and brushed your lips with his, but this time the second pass wasn’t so light, wasn’t so gentle. When he added some more pressure and then licked your lip a bit, you moaned, then opened your eyes and scooted back in embarrassment.

Sirius wasn’t embarrassed, he was aroused. He leaned forward and followed you, not in a creepy way but definitely not disinterested.

“Padfoot?”

“We need a lot more practice, love. You jump away from me like that and no one will buy us as a married couple.”

“I don’t think I can do this, Sirius,” you whispered.

“Why not?” he said, smoothing your hair and caressing your cheek.

“Because,” you began, but you couldn’t find the words. “Because, this.” And you cradled his face in your hands and kissed him for all you were worth, with all the desire and love you had been burying since you had been cliche enough to fall in love with your best friend. You threaded your fingers through his hair and ravished his mouth with yours, scooting over until you straddled him and you were grinding against his hardening cock.

You pulled back, panting for air. “That’s why. Because it won’t look real, for me it will _be_ real. And my heart can’t take it.”

Sirius looked into your eyes and saw the truth, you loved him as much as he loved you. He grinned and said, “We still need more practice.”

“Were you not listening to me? I am in love with you, Sirius! This is too hard!”

Sirius leaned forward and kissed you hard. “I’m in love with you, too, and this entire stupid idea was to convince you that we could be more than just friends.”

You were dumbfounded. You sat there, draped across Sirius’ lap, his now extremely aroused body pressed to yours and for the second time in a few minutes, you could find no words.

Sirius decided you needed more convincing. “I love you, Y/N Y/L/N.” Then he kissed you again, slow and hot, licking your lips and into your mouth, running his hands up and down your back and sides, pressing your hips into his. “Feel what you do to me?”

“You love me?”

“Yes,” he said, nodding sincerely.

You kissed him again, then, exploring his body as he had yours, moaning and groaning until you were both breathless.

Sirius took a deep, shuddering breath. “Maybe we should cool off for a bit.”

“Really? I can do this all day,” you said with a slight roll of your hips that dragged your pussy across his cock.

Sirius dropped his head to your shoulder and groaned. “You’re going to kill me if you do that again.”

“Oh, fine, spoilsport,” you said, sliding off of his lap and getting to your feet to stretch in front of him, his eyes drawn directly to your breasts as he moaned in agony.

“I never knew you were such a tease, love.”

You just laughed and grabbed his hand, pulling him to his feet. “C’mon.”

“Where’re we going?” he asked as he adjusted himself in his pants.

You turned around and kissed him, sliding your hand down his front and palming his bulge through his jeans.“We should probably practice sleeping in the same bed next. Wouldn’t want it to seem awkward while we’re on the mission,” you said against Sirius’ lips.

Sirius picked you up and you jumped to wrap your legs around his waist.  He carried you down the hall to your bedroom while you kissed his neck and left some love bites.

“Would you like me to have property of Y/N tattooed on my arse?” he said with a laugh, knowing that you were leaving marks.

“Not the worst idea I’ve ever heard,” you said, looking into his eyes. “I don’t intend to share.”

“Neither do I, darling. I find that loving you has rather made me into a one woman man,” he said earnestly.

“I feel the same. Now take your clothes off so I can see if I picked a winner,” you said with a wink as you slid down his front to stand on your own feet.

“I’ll have you know that I’m more than just a pretty face, perfect hair, fabulous ass, gorgeous smile, hung like a Hippogriff –”

“I get the picture,” you interrupted, smiling. “And I love you for you, not how you look. I love you because you’re my best friend and the best man I know.”

“I love you, too, Y/N,” he said softly, sweetly. “I think you’re beautiful, but I love your mind and heart and soul.”

You smiled and kissed him gently. “Now I want you to practice me until I pass out from exhaustion, Sirius Black.”

Sirius barked a laugh. “Practice does make perfect, my love. Let us strive for perfection all night long.” And then he kissed you.

And it was perfect.


	23. A Poetic Declaration

“I’m so tired, Sirius,” you said, head on his shoulder as you sat together where you had collapsed after a mission. He had gotten a rather large amount of Death Eater blood on his clothes – and on his face, and in his hair – when you had been disarmed of your wand and picked up a board and bashed the sinister follower of Voldemort across the face.

The Death Eater was less a few teeth and his nose was so smashed his own mother wouldn’t recognize him, but he was alive and you had been able to take him to headquarters for questioning.

You had come with him to his flat because you were simply too tired to Apparate home. Sirius said you could bunk with him.

He had taken a shower and you were going to go out for food, but frankly you weren’t sure you could get up off the sofa. Three days of stakeouts, not coming home at all and sleeping upright in nips and naps was enough to exhaust you.

“Don’t suppose you have any food in your kitchen?” you asked hopefully.

“Probably nothing edible, no,” Sirius answered around a yawn.

“Right. You stay here and rest and I’ll go round the corner and grab us some curry,” you said, mussing his hair as you stood up.

Sirius grabbed your wrist and pulled you back down and you landed half on his lap. He wrapped his arms around you and snuggled in. “Curry before bed will give you nightmares.”

“Yeah, but there’ll be a big, strong, handsome wizard just down the hall who can come and rescue my from my bad dreams.”

“Will he rescue me, too?” Sirius joked. “Let’s go to the diner up the way and have breakfast.”

You nodded. “Sometimes I forget you’re more than a pretty face and a sweet ass. Let’s go, Black.”

You stood up and Sirius swatted your bum. “That’s for the insult, Mademoiselle.”

“I complimented your face and your arse. How could that possibly be misconstrued as an insult?” you asked in a voice so slick that it would get you elected to office.

“You didn’t compliment my hair,” he said with a wink.

* * *

You walked down to the diner, arm in arm, had breakfast and then trudged back to Sirius’ place together.

When you reached his building, you said, “Ugh, maybe I should just go home. I don’t fancy sleeping in my dirty clothes.”

“Darling, you’re too tired to go and I’m too tired to go with you.”

“I don’t need you to go with me, Sirius. I’m a big girl.”

“No,” he said, shaking his head slowly, “I said that wrong. I’d worry about you because you’re tired and it’s dangerous. Please stay here. For me. You can even sleep in my bed.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“I will write this moment in my journal to revisit the glory in my dotage,” he said with a wicked smile.

“Oh, bite me,” you said, sticking out your tongue in a mature fashion.

“Perhaps later. Too knackered to decide where right now.”

“Wanker. C’mon,” you said, bumping him with your shoulder.

* * *

You went up to his flat and followed him to his bedroom. He grabbed the first thing his hand landed on and tossed it to you, then started to undress.

“Ah, thought you were letting me have the bed?”

“No, I said you could sleep in it. The sofa is bloody awful, neither one of us deserve it.”

“So, sleep. Together. In the same bed.”

Sirius looked at you, studiously looking away from him now that he had stripped down to his boxers. “Love, your virtue is safe with me. Tonight. Crawl in bed with me any other time and I’ll be all over you,” he said, and your eyes darted over to him curiously, “but tonight you’re safe.”

You nodded uncertainly and went to the loo to change and wash up, deciding to take a quick shower. By the time you dried off and dressed in his too-large t-shirt and returned to Sirius’ room, he was sound asleep and snoring lightly. You took in his handsome face, noticing how much younger he looked when the cares of the war and his family and all the other worries he carried with him slipped away. When he was awake, he was devilishly handsome; asleep, he was angelically beautiful.

You had been in love with Sirius since Hogwarts. It hadn’t been like a revelation, really, just a gradual realization that he was becoming a wonderful man and that your feelings for him had evolved into more than friendship.

From that point on you wished for the moment where another bloke would grab your heart, but that moment never came. You knew that Sirius would never settle down, at least not during the war, so you just buried your feelings. But, Merlin, seeing him in his boxers was more than a girl should have to survive. And now you were supposed to sleep in the same bed? Too much.

You turned to leave and go to the sofa when Sirius growled, “Please don’t make me drag you back here from the lounge. I am exhausted and just want to sleep and you do, too.”

You nodded and crawled into bed with him, baggy t-shirt sliding down your shoulder. You weren’t touching but you were very aware of how close you were to him. You turned onto your side to face away from him and started to drift to sleep.

Sirius watched you try to relax enough in his presence to fall asleep. He didn’t understand the big deal. You had napped together frequently and even slept together a few times at Hogwarts. You had only started to be twitchy about it in seventh year, and you’d said it was because of NEWTs making you nervous. He had just missed the opportunity to be close to the girl he loved but knew he couldn’t have.

His sofa wasn’t that uncomfortable, and he was tired enough that he would have slept soundly even if it was. He had just wanted to cuddle you when you fell asleep and curled up next to him, perhaps relaxing enough in your sleep to allow him to be safe in your arms again as he was so many times at school.

He finally saw you relax and your breathing even out. As you settled into sleep, you rolled over a bit and shoved the covers off, revealing your curves where his t-shirt had ridden up. You looked like a goddess bathed in the moonlight coming in through the window.

Sirius scooted over behind you and wrapped an arm around your waist, slipping into slumber peacefully with you where he wanted you to be always.

* * *

“When did you get a tattoo?” you heard Sirius exclaim in surprise, jarring you from your rest.

“Huh?” you said groggily. “What are you on about?”

Then you felt his fingers push the waistband of your knickers down a bit and you realized what he was talking about. You launched yourself out of bed and pulled his shirt down to cover your bum, then realized when Sirius’ eyes moved down that you were uncovering the front of your knickers in order to cover the back. You reached over and grabbed the first thing you could find to cover yourself, his leather jacket that he had discarded on a chair.

“Well, now I’m really curious,” he said with a wicked grin on his unfairly perfect face. You were certain you looked like an ogre while he had the nerve to wake up looking perfect. Merlin, how you longed to run your fingers through his hair and across his cheeks, down his neck and chest to his flat stomach that was right in front of you  _oh shit_  you had gotten so caught up in fantasizing about him that you hadn’t even noticed him getting out of bed and moving to stand in front of you! Your eyes shot up to meet his.

“I’m still half-asleep,” you squeaked, as if looking him up and down like he had been dipped in Honeydukes Finest Chocolate and you had a sweet tooth was excused by having just been awakened.

“I’m more than half-hard,” he replied with a grin. “Come back to bed and one of us will get to be whole something.”

Your eyes darted down to see that he was, in fact, sporting a stiffy, and that it was rather impressive from what you could tell from your somewhat limited experience.

“Umm,” you said intelligently. “I should…go.”

Sirius slowly shook his head. “Not til I see that tattoo.”

“No!”

“Why not?” he asked, taking a step closer as you took a step back.

“Because…because it’s on my arse and I said no.”

“But I really, really want to see it,” he said in a low, sexy voice that he had never used with you before as he moved still closer.

“Stop it.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re too good of a person to mess with someone’s emotions like that,” you said, looking into his eyes.

If you thought that would stop Sirius’ advance you were dead wrong. He continued toward you and said, “I would never mess with your emotions. But knowing that I could is a bit of welcome information.”

“What?”

“If I can, that means you have some for me, which is very nice to know as I have had some for you for quite some time.”

“What?” you said again, feeling like you had lost the use of your brain.

“Shall I list all of the things you are to me?” he whispered, barely a hand’s breadth of space separating you now. “You are the warmth and brightness of sunshine, the joy of laughter, the comfort of a warm blanket, the intoxication of firewhiskey, the abundance of feast yet the temptation of famine. You, darling Y/N, are life and breath to me, and I no longer wish to continue to exist with you just beyond my reach. So, my love, if you have even a portion of the love for me that I have for you, I would be happy for the rest of my life.”

You were completely lost in Sirius’ pewter eyes, their depths showing you his love and sincerety. You were so completely lost in his poetic declaration of love, in fact, that you were still staring at him when he gulped and started to move away, whispering brokenly, “Or perhaps not.”

“No! Wait, yes, I mean yes!” you said, grabbing his hand and pulling him to you. “I do.”

“You do?” he asked, grinning. “Really?”

“Yes, since like sixth year.”

“It took you that long? I fell for you on our first trip on the Hogwarts Express,” he said with a sweet smile.

You closed the distance between you and slid your hands up his chest to his shoulders. “Look at all the time we wasted.”

“Wanna make up for it?” he said, eyes darting from your eyes to your lips as if asking for permission to change everything forever.

Under normal circumstances, you probably would have wanted a date or two before making love, but this was Sirius and there was a war. You knew you loved him and wanted to be with him, and now that you knew he felt the same, you didn’t want to miss another moment with him.

You leaned up, your eyes fluttering closed as you saw his lips dipping toward you. Oh, and that first kiss, utter heaven! You understood poetry and music and dance and everything that was ever inspired by love, because now you were in Sirius’ arms and he was yours. Utter heaven.

You pulled apart and opened your eyes, looking into the beautiful eyes of the man you loved with a dreamy smile upon your face.

He kissed you again and pulled you close for a hug, so happy to finally be with the love of his life.

“Oh, Merlin! Sirius I am so happy!”

“Me, too, darling.”

“I could stay like this forever,” you said as you snuggled into his arms.

“Mmm,” Sirius agreed. “But love?”

“Hmm?” you purred, content.

“I still want to see that tattoo.”


	24. Every Word

“Ugh, Sirius look! Even coming to a Muggle pub hasn’t stopped him,” you said with disgust, indicating the older bloke entering the tavern. “Save me from my stalker! I beg you!”

“Stalker is a bit strong, don’t you think?” Sirius asked, surprised.

You shrugged to hide a shiver. “Lately he’s been really creepy, appearing when I go to the loo at work, ‘bumping into’ me at restaurants, and I know I don’t date much, but every single time I go out with a male he shows up. I had dinner with my cousin and he showed up!”

“Love, why didn’t you tell me?” he asked, noticing your obvious discomfort.

“Because you’re not my bodyguard, Padfoot. I should be able to handle this.”

Sirius noticed the bloke you had indicated heading your way, and before he saw that Sirius was looking at him, he shot an unguarded look at you and he saw what you meant.

“Go with this, Y/N, yeah?” he whispered.

“Yeah, alright,” you said.

Sirius slipped his arm around you and started stroking your arm, his other hand coming to rest on your cheek. He looked into your eyes and said, “This alright?”

“Yeah,” you whispered, kind of drowning in his stormy eyes.

Sirius leaned in and kissed you gently, stopping to give you a look filled with meaning that could only be interpreted as desire and possessiveness. Then he leaned in to kiss you again and oh, Merlin, how was this legal? How was this man not regulated by the Ministry?

You pulled apart, both of you looking dazed, when you heard the repeated clearing of a throat. Sirius looked up at the bloke from the Ministry and said, “Need something? Bit busy with my girl.”

“Ah…I just wanted to say hello to Y/N.”

“Hello, Maxwell,” you said shortly.

Sirius gave him a smile that was more like a predator baring his teeth. “You’ve said hello.”

“Aren’t you going to introduce me to your friend, Y/N?” he asked, either too dull to interpret Sirius’ warning or choosing to ignore it.

Sirius got to his feet and said, “Sirius Black, and you are?”

“Maxwell Magnusson. I work at the Ministry,” he said pompously, looking Sirius up and down in his faded jeans and Clash t-shirt as if he came up wanting.

“Oh. This is the one who follows you about like a psychotic puppy, then, darling?” Sirius asked you without breaking eye contact with Maxwell.

Maxwell stiffened even more. “I’m merely a friendly fellow. But she’d be better off with someone like me than you,” he replied disdainfully.

You hopped to your feet then. “You aren’t fit to clean his boots, Maxwell. Sirius is the finest man I’ve ever known.”

“Thank you, my love,” Sirius said happily, pulling you into his arms. He was still treating Maxwell as nothing but an annoyance, not even moving his eyes from you to speak to him. “Why don’t you run along now, Max. Y/N and I were in the middle of something that I would very much like to continue.”

“Fine. Enjoy your whore,” Maxwell spat.

You gasped and Sirius swung around and growled, “What the fuck did you just say? What did you just call the woman I love?”

You were shocked. You couldn’t recall ever seeing Sirius so livid.

“What are you gonna do? Pull your wand in a Muggle pub? You’ll go to Azkaban!” Maxwell sneered.

Sirius laughed coldly in his face. “I don’t need a wand to beat the shit out of you, mate. Get the fuck away from Y/N and don’t ever come near her again, or they’ll be finding pieces of you for the next ten years!”

Maxwell blanched and huffed away, terrified but trying to hide it.

Sirius was still so angry he was vibrating. You put your hand on his shoulder, trying to calm him. “Hey, thanks, Sirius. I doubt he’ll even stay in the same room with me now.”

Sirius looked at you with rage in his eyes. “You tell me if he ever bothers you again.”

“Yeah, alright,” you agreed, then smiled and tried to distract him by saying, “Merlin, you’re a good actor. Even I believed you were telling the truth when you called me the woman you love!”

Sirius cradled your face in his hands and kissed you again, then said, “I meant every word I said.”

Your eyes got really big and you said smoothly, “Are you takin’ the piss outta me?”

Sirius smiled sadly and said, “No, love. I’m not takin’ the piss outta you.”

“How long?” you asked.

“Ages?” he speculated. “Since second or third year in school, I reckon.”

“Why am I just hearing about this, Sirius?” you fairly yelled.

Sirius shrugged. “You didn’t feel the same. Didn’t see any reason to make things weird between us when I knew you only thought of me as a friend,” he replied reasonably.

“Sooooo…you decided you knew what was best for me as well as how I feel and decided not to consult me on the subject?” you summed up snidely.

“Wait, are you pissed off?” he asked in surprise. “I was just doing what I thought you’d want me to do.”

“For one thing, you can bloody well ask my opinion on my own feelings, and for another, why get all kissy and tell me now, eh?”

“Because the situation called for it and I thought you’d figure it out on your own. Why are you brassed off?” he asked, genuinely confused.

“You just rewrote seven years of my life, Sirius! How would you feel if I said, ‘Oh, by the way, Sirius, I’ve fancied you for years and dream of having your babies!’ out of the bleedin’ blue?” you asked in exasperation.

Sirius shrugged and said, “Probably better than being screamed at, honestly.”

You closed your eyes and counted to ten. When you opened them, you caught a hint of insecurity in his expression before he closed it off with his armored facade again. But in that moment, you saw that he was truly frightened.

And in that moment, you knew that you couldn’t remain angry with him. That didn’t mean you couldn’t tease him a little bit, though.

“Well,” you began, “this has been full of excitement but I believe I’m ready to go.”

Sirius looked disappointed that you weren’t going to put him out of his misery and let him know how you felt about him loving you. “Yeah, alright.”

You turned and took a couple steps before you looked over you shoulder at him, still standing in the spot where he had defended your honor and threatened your stalker, looking at his feet. “Oh!” you exclaimed as if you had just remembered something.

Sirius looked up and said, “Yes, love?”

“I forgot to tell you something,” you said as you walked back to him and laid your hands on his chest as you leaned against him and looked up into his eyes, biting your lip.

“What’s that?” he asked quietly, looking at your lips as if one taste had addicted him.

You stood on tiptoes so you could whisper into his ear, lips brushing against his earlobe and causing him to shiver a bit. “I’ve fancied you for years and dream of having your babies,” you whispered softly.

Sirius’ eyes widened with hope, but he couldn’t bring himself to speak.

“I love you, too, Sirius. Always have,” you said, caressing his cheek.

Sirius smiled happily, joy transforming him into a combination of the boy you fell in love with all those years ago and the man he had become. He leaned in to kiss you sweetly. “You just made my dream come true, Y/N.”

You wiggled your eyebrows and said, “Then how about we go home and practice making mine come true?”

Sirius threw his head back and laughed, hugging you tight before you headed home, hand in hand and hearts in your eyes, finally together as you had both longed to be for as long as you could remember.


	25. What We Deserve

You had received news by owl that Lily had gone into labor earlier that evening, so you grabbed your bag that you had ready and rushed to St. Mungo’s. You had made her promise to let you know even though it would put you into close proximity with your ex, Sirius.

There was a time where you couldn’t be in the same room with him, but time healed all wounds and you had grown up enough to be certain that you could face him without exploding into emotion, be it anger or tears – plenty of which tears Lily had dealt with at Hogwarts when you had broken up with him in the Spring of fifth year, incidentally.

You’d had one helluva row about how he was partying too much, drinking and getting high too often and shutting you out. He had acted like it was an imposition to listen to your complaints, as if what you wanted in the relationship didn’t matter at all. You had told him that you were done with his nonsense and stormed out of his room, stomping through the common room and up the stairs to your room.

You hadn’t actually said that you wanted to break up – mostly because you didn’t. Sirius, however, had taken you at your word and thought you were done. He went on a bender that night and returned to Gryffindor tower the next morning, stinking of sex and covered in hickeys. You had been waiting for him to come down from his room to apologize for being a brat when he appeared through the portrait hole.

He saw the look of absolute despair on your face and realized he had fucked up. When he said your name, you had turned and run up to your dormitory, sobbing hysterically. Lily had been your savior, both by comforting you and helping you get through the worst pain you had ever experienced and also by keeping Sirius away from you.

Your parents had actually transferred you to Beauxbaton for the rest of your schooling. You had felt like a coward, but you and your parents agreed that your education was too important to have it all go down the drain over a boy, even if you had thought he would be the one you were going to be with forever. You knew now that you hadn’t meant to him what he meant to you. You had given him your virginity, but he had stolen your innocence. It had taken a while to accept that, but once you had, you were able to move on with your life.

You wrote to Lily at least weekly, sometimes more, and spent part of the summer with her. You had at least been able to keep in touch with your friends, followed along with her romance with James and shared her joy and soothed her fear when she found out she was pregnant.

You had stayed in France after graduation, finding work there and spending time with friends. Your life was fine, even good, if a bit lonely. You had never allowed yourself to let another man into your heart. You had been on a few dates but never let anything get serious. You wished you could be like him and just go on to the next, but you just couldn’t. As much as you hated him, you had accepted that you still loved him, too.

So when you had taken your pre-arranged portkey to St. Mungo’s, it was terrifying. You knew he would be there for James just as you were there for Lily. You refused to make this about you, though. James and Lily were having a baby, and you would be damned if you would do anything to make it less than the happiest day of their lives.

You had packed enough clothes to stay for a week in your handbag that had an undetectable extension charm on it, and you were going to stay in a hotel. You had also been knitting and shopping like a madwoman since Lily had given you her news, so you had blankets and booties and all manner of baby goodies in the bag as well. You also hoped to see Alice & Frank’s new baby while you were in town and had pressies for baby Neville.

You stopped wool-gathering and gathered yourself, instead, to face the love of your life for the first time in four years.

* * *

Sirius was a mess. He knew you were coming for the baby’s birth. James had given him months to prepare for it. And, truly, he thought he had moved on. He certainly had shagged enough birds since you broke up to move on a dozen times. At least, that’s what Lily always said.

This was the only thing Lily and Sirius could never see eye to eye on: his relationship with you. They’d had numerous rows over the years about you, all of them ending the same, with Lily taking your side and Sirius saying he didn’t do anything wrong.

Moony had promised James he would do what he could but he was only one man, not to mention that you had cut Moony and Pete off with Sirius. He had received birthday cards and Christmas cards, but nothing of any personal level.

Remus stood watching Sirius watching the door, waiting for you to arrive, and he knew that his work was cut out for him.

* * *

“Here goes nothin’,” you muttered before you pushed open the door to the waiting room.

“Y/N!” Remus cried, then came over and pulled you into a hug. “Merlin it’s good to see you!”

“Oh, Moony, you too! I missed you guys so much,” you said with a sniff, remembering how close you all were. Before.

“Pete!” You were pulled into his arms next. “Y’know you don’t realize how much someone matters in your life until they’re gone. You guys were missed.”

You were completely ignoring the Animagus in the room, and you planned to continue to do so. “How is Lily? And Jamie, how is he holding up?”

“They said you could come on back when you arrived. Pete, why don’t you show her where they are?” Remus said with a smile. Sirius was looking twitchy and he didn’t trust Pete to control him if the need arose.

“Alright. I’ll see you again, right?” you asked Moony with a smile.

“Obviously!” he said enthusiastically. “Not gonna miss out on catching up with you after all these years! Now get a move on.”

Peter led you out of the waiting room and down to Lily’s labor room. Sirius leaned his head back against the wall and exhaled heavily. “I may as well be dead to her.”

“Mate, even if she had meant to break up with you, y’don’t go get laid the same night and come home covered in evidence and smelling like a whorehouse,” Remus replied scornfully.

“Oh, how long should I have waited? And when did you start writing an etiquette column for Witch Weekly?” Sirius sneered.

Remus took a deep breath to calm down. “Look, Lily offered to have Y/N come later so you could miss each other. You said it wouldn’t be a problem.”

“I thought she’d at least be civil!”

“She has technically been civil. Mate, you were the one to fuck it up. Not her fault you shoved her so far away that she had no idea what you were going through.”

“You forgave me,” Sirius grumbled.

“James stopped Severus. Nobody stopped you from being unfaithful –” Remus held his hand up here, “– or at least acting in very poor taste.”

“I still love her, Moony,” he whispered brokenly.

“Mate, I don’t think this is one you can talk your way out of.”

* * *

Pete led you to Lily’s laboring room, then gave you another hug. “We really have missed you. All of us,” he said significantly, including Sirius in his statement.

“We definitely need to catch up, Peter. I want to hear all about you,” you said sincerely. “I shouldn’t have left you behind like I did. It was wrong of me.”

You had always had a soft spot for the small man. You knew what it was like to fade into the background among larger personalities. You had always been quiet and so was Peter, so he had gravitated to you when he had problems.

“It’s alright, Y/N. I understood. You were hurting, you had to heal.”

“Thank you for understanding,” you said, squeezing his hand, then turning to tap on the door and enter at James’ call to come in.

You stepped inside and saw Lily and James, running to hug Lily and kiss her tummy. “Hello, little one! I can’t wait to meet you!” you said happily.

“Hello to me, too!” James said grumpily.

You turned and hugged him, too. “Of course hello to you, Jamie! I’ve missed you,” you said warmly.

“It’s good to see you, Y/N,” he returned softly. “I’ll go update the boys and give you two a few moments.”

After he left, you sat down on the edge of the bed and said, “So how’s it going? Labor progressing?”

“Slow and steady. How are you? Did you see him?” she asked, reaching for your hand to comfort you.

“Merlin, Lily, you’re trying to push a human out of you, don’t worry about me!” you said with a laugh.

“Yes, I am, so distract me from it! How was seeing him? Did he say anything?”

You scoffed. “Why would he say anything? No, I just ignored him, as I intend to continue to do.”

“He is sorry, you know,” she said softly.

“Yeah, well, sorry doesn’t sweeten my tea,” you said stiffly. “Now, would you like to see the presents I’ve brought?”

Lily smiled and allowed you to change the subject. “Yes, please.”

* * *

James walked down to the waiting room, dreading to see what shape Sirius was in. As he looked into the waiting room, he saw Remus look up and shake his head, Pete looking uncomfortable and Sirius hanging his head like he was completely broken.

“Lily’s progressing well, the healer says,” he said, watching Sirius pop up and paste a fake look on his face.

“Good news,” Sirius said happily, and Remus and Pete echoed him.

James had been known to make some poor decisions. Oh, nothing like Sirius, but then he’d had a better foundation when he was growing up, secure in his parents’ love and guaranteed a safe place to land. Sirius hadn’t had any of that, at least until he was too old for it to really overtake the lessons in life he had learned at the feet of cold and cruel parents. James didn’t excuse Sirius’ actions – far from it. He had told him at the time and he told him to this day that he had been a colossal idiot to break your heart as he had. But he  _understood_  his actions a bit better than most.

He had advised Sirius at the time to tell you what was going on with his family, but he had been ashamed and didn’t want you to pity him. By the time Sirius ran away from home to live with James he had already lost you and it was too late.

But maybe he could find a way to gain some peace for you both.

“Padfoot, I need to talk to you, mate. Godfather stuff,” he said, adding the last bit because he knew that Remus and Pete would accept that.

“Sure,” Sirius said, still maintaining his cheerful facade. He got up and followed James down the hall, back toward the laboring room.

“Where are we going?” Sirius asked James suspiciously.

“You need closure, and so does Y/N. Lily is too busy to keep you away from her. This is your chance, mate. I don’t see another one coming up any time soon.”

“Are you having me on? You want me to make a scene?”

“I would prefer it if you could avoid that, actually,” James said sarcastically. “And she won’t make one either. Perfect time to get to her. I’ll send her out.”

“Thank you, mate,” Sirius said fervently. “I mean…thanks.”

“I know, mate.”

* * *

James let himself into the room with Lily and you. You stood immediately. “You two need your time together. And these purple fingers are yours by right,” you joked, shaking your fingers that Lily had squeezed when pains came.

You gave her another hug and said, “I will be here until the baby arrives unless you tell me to bugger off, so if you need me, I will come.”

“Thank you, luv. It’s so good to have you here,” she said quietly.

James hugged you then and said, “Hopefully someday you’ll forgive me.”

You chuckled, assuming he meant for the squeezed fingers. “I imagine I’ll find it in my heart, Prongs.”

* * *

You stepped out into the hall, pausing to prepare yourself to see Sirius when he linked his arm through yours tightly and led you down the corridor.

“What in Merlin’s name do you think –” you said, slapping his hand and squirming to get away.

“Stop that!” Sirius snapped, “people will see!”

You gasped at his audacity. “I want them to see, you giant, dimwitted oaf!”

Sirius ignored that and pulled you down a deserted hallway and into a room, shutting the door behind him and leaning against it, then casting Lumos to light the globes in the room.

“Open the door and let me out or I will start screaming,” you growled between gritted teeth.

“No, you won’t and we both know it,” Sirius said. “You won’t make a scene that could upset Lily and it was James’ idea.”

“That little shit,” you muttered, understanding now why he had apologized. “Lovely choice of room, by the way. The bed is taking up the whole space. What exactly did you have in mind? Is this where you bring your whores when you’re in hospital now?”

Sirius sighed. He knew you wouldn’t make this easy. “I have no plan. James just told me to get closure for both of us.”

“Bold of you to assume I need closure. Or, in fact, anything from you,” you said scathingly.

“Look, I fucked up. I know this. I’m not trying to win you back, I’m not delusional. I know you hate me.”

You scoffed at that unintentionally. You certainly wished that was the case.

Sirius took your bitter laugh as agreement and felt a stab of pain unlike any he had ever felt before. “I was dealing with a lot at home that I never told you about. I just…I wanted you to know that it was never you. You were perfect, and I loved you more than anything.”

Another scoff. “Maybe you should have gotten your cock on board with your heart,” you said sweetly.

Sirius shrugged. “When you broke up with me I went ‘round the bend.”

“I. Didn’t. Bloody. Break. Up. With. You.” you gritted each word.

“I didn’t know that then!”

“Even if I had, did it never occur to you that perhaps it was said in anger? So, pardon me, but if you had really loved me, it would have taken more than a few bloody hours to swing your dick to another bird!”

Sirius laughed incredulously. “You really don’t get it, do you?”

“Get what, fuckwit?” you snarled.

“I never thought I was good enough for you.”

“Bollocks” you snapped. “Bollocks, rubbish and even  _c'est des conneries!”_

Sirius shrugged. “You were sweet and kind and funny and brilliant. You were good in class and your family loved you. I felt like I was sullying you most of the time, like my touch was somehow beneath you.”

“That’s bloody ridiculous, Sirius. I adored you,” you said. “You were the only one who ever believed that rubbish.”

“So when you broke up with me –” he held his hand up when you started to interrupt, “when I thought you had broken up with me, I went and acted the way I had always felt: dirty and broken. I got pissed on firewhiskey and in my drunken wisdom found a girl and slept with her.”

“To make good and sure I wouldn’t take you back?” you asked sarcastically.

“To make sure I had no hope you would ever take me back.”

“You fuckin’ idiot,” you said, with tears streaming down your cheeks but less venom in your voice. “Why would you deliberately ruin us?”

Sirius shrugged helplessly. “I honestly don’t know. I’m not trying to make excuses, I promise. I genuinely thought that you meant you were breaking up with me. I know that you weren’t, now, but then I was operating on a broken heart and a shiteload of booze. I never meant to hurt you, Y/N. You meant the world to me and I never quite got over you.”

“What am I supposed to do with all this, Sirius? Forgive you and kiss and make up?”

“No, of course not.”

You laughed. “Right, why would you want that?”

“Oh make no mistake, Y/N. I never stopped loving you or hating myself for losing you. If I thought I had a chance to get you back I would walk through hell with a smile on my face. But I don’t…right?”

You stared at Sirius for the longest time. Of course there was no chance. Getting back together with Sirius would be the height of stupidity. Yet…Merlin, you knew you still loved him, you had never lied to yourself about that. But love and trust were two very different things. Your heart and mind were struggling against each other, until finally there was a victor.

“Love and trust go hand-in-hand, Sirius.”

“Of course,” he said, looking down and accepting that as your answer. He had known he had no chance.

“Yet somehow I still love you.”

His head shot up. “What?”

“I love you. I want to try again, from scratch.”

“What?” he repeated stupidly.

“I said,” you murmured as you took the few steps across the space that wasn’t taken up by hospital beds, “I want to try again. I love you. I miss you. I  _will_  kill you if you ever look at another woman again.”

He looked down at you as if you were speaking a foreign tongue. “How could I ever even consider another woman when the very best one in the world is giving me a chance I don’t deserve?” he whispered, as if afraid he was dreaming.

You places a hand on his scruffy-bearded cheek and said, “That’s always been your problem, love. You never saw yourself as I saw you. You deserve the world.”

Sirius inhaled a shuddering breath as if trying not to cry. “Merlin, I love you,” he choked out as he very gently pulled you into his arms, afraid you’d disappear.

“I love you, too. Try and keep that in mind for when we fight.”

Sirius chuckled. “When, not if?”

“I outgrew the fairy tale, Sirius. Now I just want a real life with you,” you answered. “So, yes, we will fight, and yes, we will slam out of rooms. But I promise, you will never, ever wonder if I ever break up with you. After I break both of your kneecaps, I will spell it out to you very plainly.”

Sirius laughed delightedly. “I think I am going to very much enjoy getting to know you again,” he whispered happily, beginning to believe that this might really be happening.

You pulled back from his embrace enough to look into his eyes. “I think I am, too. We were children when we were together before. As adults, let’s promise never to leave anything unspoken.”

“I promise. So I think in that spirit, I must say that I sneaked into Lily’s room and read every letter you ever wrote her.”

“Delightful,” you said sarcastically. “So you know all the awful things I said about you.”

He nodded. “I deserved them all.”

“No. You earned them, certainly, but you deserve to be loved. You always have.”

“I think you’re the only woman in the world who would think so after what I did.”

“Then you’re lucky I’m the one you love, hmm?” you teased him, bringing back all sorts of good memories of fireplace cuddles and good morning kisses, and for the first time it didn’t shatter his heart all over again

“I am most definitely lucky, my darling,” he said, then kissed you gently with all the love and happiness in his heart.


	26. Promises

You stood across from 12 Grimmauld Place and tried to remember a single pleasant memory associated with the address. There really weren’t any – at least none that weren’t tinged with anger or sadness as well.

Sirius Black. The only man you had ever loved, and the one man you could never have. Oh, he had said that he loved you, but when it came down to it, he had put everything else before you and even himself.

And how the two of you had argued! You were both hardheaded and so sure you were right. Perhaps he hadn’t been the only problem in the relationship, come to think of it. But, Merlin, all the times he had missed plans, canceled dates, forgotten anniversaries…it was hard on a relationship, and the resentment had built until you gave the infamous, ‘If you walk out that door…’ ultimatum.

He had walked out that door.

You had packed your things and moved to America.

And a month later, James and Lily had been murdered and Sirius was in Azkaban. You had barely found an apartment near the MACUSA headquarters where you had gotten a job and you were unable to return in time for the funeral.

You had never been able to believe that Sirius could have betrayed James and Lily or murdered Peter. The only explanation you could accept was that he had been under an Imperius curse, but even that shouldn’t have allowed him to reveal the location of the Potters’ hidden home.

You were heartbroken for all of your friends. In the space of a day your world had been turned upside down, and you wondered if abandoning Sirius had somehow led him to lose himself to the point of betraying everyone who loved him.

And then Sirius had escaped Azkaban and a while after that, you had gotten a letter from Remus explaining the entire mess.

Sirius was innocent. Peter was alive and a traitor in service to Voldemort.

And so you handed in your notice to your supervisor at MACUSA and returned to your home in Great Britain. You had left during the first war; you would be damned if you would abandon your family and friends again.

You took a deep breath and walked across the street. The first meeting of the revived Order of the Phoenix was not for a few days, but you needed to see Sirius alone before that. You needed to see the man you had never gotten over without an audience making it even more awkward than you expected it to be.

You berated yourself silently for your cowardice, then tapped quietly on the door. When there was no answer, you tried the handle and went in when you found it unlocked.

* * *

Sirius was miserable. He had only been back to his childhood 'home’ for a week and he already wanted to pull his hair out. He was staying drunk as much as possible, shaping up enough to appear sober when he was expecting company other than Remus.

Today he wasn’t even expecting Remus, so he was, to quote Pink Floyd, comfortably numb.

He was currently keeping Buckbeak company in his mother’s old bedroom. He had chosen this chamber for the Hippogriff out of spite against a dead woman, and he hoped very much that it made her angry enough in the afterlife to spit nails.

As he tipped the bottle of firewhiskey back and chugged a bit, he was certain he heard the stairs creak. “Kreacher, are you sneaking about?” he bellowed, words a bit slurred.

Definite footsteps, and light under the door partially blocked.

Sirius scrambled to his feet and pulled the wand he had found among an ancestor’s possessions in the attic.

A tap at the door.

“Who is it?” he roared.

On the other side of the door, you heard Sirius shouting and recognized the slight slur to his words. You considered turning tail and returning later but you had a feeling there really wasn’t a good time for this. You slowly turned the knob, peeked inside and said, “Hello, Sirius.”

* * *

Sirius dropped his bottle and his wand. He had hallucinated you almost daily in Azkaban. Aside from finding James and Lily, you were his biggest regret. He had relived all of the fights and angry words over and over until he almost lost his mind.

He couldn’t grasp on to the certainty that he was innocent where you were concerned; he knew that he wasn’t. So seeing you brought back memories and shame and he felt it like a blow, gasping and leaning hard against the wall.

You ran over to him and took his hand. “Sirius, it’s me, Y/N!”

He shook his head, eyes filled with horror. “Not this again,” he whispered.

You let go of his hand and started to back away. “I shouldn’t have come, I’m sorry.”

You turned to leave before sobs overtook you, not expecting such a cold reception from Sirius. Yes, you had left on bad terms, but you thought that fourteen years would have cooled his anger.

Clearly you thought wrong.

* * *

Sirius was shaken. That hadn’t happened since the first month or so after he had escaped, and he never remembered it being so vivid. He could even smell your perfume! He could still feel the almost electric spark your touch had always brought.

Wait – were you actually here?

“Y/N!” he screamed, hurrying to catch you before you left.

* * *

You heard Sirius calling but you continued to the front door. You had made a mistake in coming to his house.

“Y/N, please,” you heard him thumping down the stairs –

And then you were surrounded by screeching, cursing, yelling and a general melange of offensive slurs at increasingly loud volumes.

Sirius ran over to the wall and struggled to cover a portrait with some motheaten drapes. You took his cue and pulled on the drapes until your hands met in the middle and the portrait went silent. The other portraits followed suit once Sirius silenced the crazy old woman.

You looked at Sirius, just inches away from you, and he looked into your eyes as if he was scared you would disappear. “Are you really here?” he asked, tentatively reaching to touch your cheek, brushing away your tears.

You leaned into his touch, all the good memories rushing in to overwhelm you. “I’m really here, Sirius,” you whispered, then stepped forward and your arms were around each other and it felt so damned  _right_.

You stood that way for a while. Neither of you was in any great hurry to let go and actually deal with the past, but eventually you pulled apart and Sirius held your hand and led you down a flight of stairs to the kitchen.

As soon as you entered the kitchen, the awkwardness that you had expected hit hard. You stood a few feet apart and avoided each other’s eyes while trying desperately to think of something to say.

Sirius thought of something first and said, “Tea! Um would you like some tea?”

“Yes, thank you,” you answered, relieved. Tea was always a good ice breaker if one was British. Wizard or Muggle, a spot of tea made everything better.

“No biscuits, sorry,” he said quietly.

“No problem, love,” you said automatically, then realized you had used an endearment and met his eyes quickly, embarrassed. “Sorry.”

“Hey, I will never complain of a beautiful woman calling me ‘love,’” he said with a smile. “Especially if she’s the one I love.”

You choked on your tea so badly it was coming out your nose. “What the fuck, Padfoot! You don’t drop a bomb like that while I’m drinking! Especially when you have very obviously been drinking something a bit stronger than tea!”

“Come upstairs with me. I’ll take a shower and sober up and then I’ll tell you sober that I never stopped loving you.”

“Sirius, I just came here to get the awkward reunion out of the way in private.”

“Well, we’ve done the awkward bit, now let’s do the reunion bit,” he said with that Godric damned charming smirk of his that usually wound up with your panties halfway across the room and under furniture.

“How does that smile still work?” you said, shaking your head. “We were terrible together!”

“We were little more than kids, Y/N! Look at us now! I’ve gotten older, you’ve gotten more beautiful and you were always more mature than me.”

“Certain strains of broccoli are more mature than you, Sirius,” you said sarcastically.

He barked a laugh. “Nobody makes me laugh like you, love. Have you found anyone that makes you moan like I can?” he asked in a silken voice that you  _felt_  as much as heard. Godric, you actually felt it!

“You don’t suppose we should talk before you start making me moan?” you asked pertly.

“We can talk in bed,” he said with a grin.

“Merlin, Sirius! Can you behave for five consecutive minutes?”

“Alright! I’m just afraid that if I let you out of my sight you’ll disappear from my life again,” he said quietly.

“I’ll come up to your room while you shower,” you conceded. “I reckon there’s nothing I haven’t seen, at that.”

“I can actually promise you that no one else has seen it since you, as well,” he announced.

“Azkaban not the hotbed of singles action it’s rumored to be?” you asked him with a wink, knowing that he of all people would not want sympathy from you about his time in prison – unless maybe it got him laid.

He laughed and held out his hand. “I missed you so much, love.”

You allowed him to pull you to your feet and then into his arms. “I missed you, too, Sirius.”

“Hmmm,” he said, narrowing his eyes as if in deep thought. “Wasn’t it you who promised never to think about me again if I left that day?”

“Ugh, don’t remind me. Empty promises, I assure you, love.”

“So you thought about me?”

“Once or twice,” you said with a grin. “Now go get in the shower, you smell like a distillery.”

“Wanna wash my back?” he said, not relinquishing his hold on your hand.

“Were you always this needy?”

“Yes.”

“True. But…Sirius, we really do need to talk before we dive back into anything together.”

He nodded. “Alright. I’ll have a shower and then we can talk.”

“Thank you,” you whispered as you tiptoed past the crone. “Why haven’t you taken that down?”

“Do you really think I haven’t tried?” he whispered back dryly. “The old bitch couldn’t parent but she could cast a mean permanent sticking charm.”

“If memory serves, everything she cast was mean.”

Sirius merely chuckled and led you up the stairs to his old bedroom.

“Oh, nostalgia,” you said. “Remember sneaking me in here before you moved in with the Potters?”

“Merlin, I think back to it now and what she would have done to us if she had caught us.” He shivered, and not for effect.

“We were pretty stupid. Especially considering we weren’t even having sex yet.”

Sirius barked a laugh. “Yeah, all I got for the chance we took was bluer balls from holding you all night and not making love to you.”

“I had the girl equivalent, Mr. Black! Don’t think you were the only one suffering,” you said as you went into his arms and gave him another hug.

“I can’t believe you’re really here, love,” he said in a low voice, kissing the top of your head.

“I am, and I will still be here when you get done in the shower.”

“Promise?”

“Cross my heart,” you said with a smile.

Sirius smiled back and hurried into the bathroom, quickly brushing his teeth before hopping in the shower. He lathered and rinsed quickly and then got out and wrapped a towel around his waist before shaving.

When he was done, he looked into the mirror and had a moment’s anxiety. He was nowhere near the man you knew all those years ago; he was too thin, had wrinkles and gray hairs. His eyes were sunken and had dark circles. He looked so much older than you that people would most likely think him a dirty old man if they saw you together. But, then again, who will ever see you together? He was a fugitive, as much a prisoner as ever with the hellhole of his childhood his new cell.

He should let you go. Tell you he changed his mind and didn’t want to be with you. But, fuck, he had a chance to be with the love of his life again. How could he give that up?

* * *

You had heard the shower go off a while ago and even if he was shaving, he should have been out of the loo by now. So, Sirius was doing was Sirius did best – well, not best. Something else definitely held that title. But you knew your Sirius was in the bathroom doubting himself.

You got up and went into the loo with him, a puff of steam greeting you. “Hey, handsome.”

He turned to look at you. “Except I’m not anymore, am I?” he replied bitterly.

You looked him up and down, bare except for a towel slung around his hips. He was thinner, yes, but this was definitely your Sirius. His chest was less muscular, his arms thinner, but the patch of hair you liked to rub your nose in was still there, the long lines of his neck were unchanged, his hair was still curly and black, if threaded with a bit of silver.

You walked over and planted a kiss on his chest hair, then looked up into his eyes. “You look eminently fuckable to me,” you said with a wicked grin.

His eyes grew wide and he laughed happily, then finally lowered his mouth to yours and kissed you with all the passion and longing and love that he had been holding in a secret place in his heart for all of these years.

And you kissed him back with every bit as much love and desire as he showed you, pulling him into the bedroom with you. You untucked the towel from his hips, squeezing his bum and giggling as he steered you to his bed.

When he got you to the edge of the bed and began undressing you, your giggles gave way to gasps and moans and you gave in to your need for Sirius.

Talking would have to wait.

* * *

You lay snuggling in Sirius’ arms, utterly replete.

“So,” you said, “before you make me moan, aren’t we supposed to talk?”

Sirius smacked your bum lightly. “I recall you moaning quite loudly, darling.”

“Hmmm yes you’re right, that was me.”

“I’m sober, Y/N. And I love you so much,” he whispered.

“Hey,” you said, leaning on an elbow to look him in the eye. “I love you too. Always have. I think I would have come back to you if you hadn’t gone to prison, love. I missed you dreadfully.”

“Yet another reason to regret going after Peter as I did.”

“Yet another reason to despise that little rodent,” you growled vehemently.

“My fierce girl,” Sirius said as he pulled you close.

“Love?” you said a bit hesitantly.

“Hmm,” he hummed, running his hands all over you softly.

“I still have my things at my Mum’s house. So hard to find a decent place in London, y’know?”

“I may know of a place,” Sirius replied. “If you don’t mind a housemate, that is?”

“Depends on the house and the mate, I reckon.”

“What would you be looking for in a housemate?”

You kissed his chest. “He needs to be handsome.”

“Go on.”

“He needs to be good in bed.”

“Of course.”

“He needs to have a certain sense of humor.”

“Mm hmm.”

You looked up at Sirius and saw the adoration on his face. “He has to be you.”

Sirius’ face broke into a joyous grin. “Have I got the place for you!”

“I can hardly wait to hear your sales pitch,” you said with a saucy wink.

Sirius laughed happily. “Merlin, what did I ever do to deserve you?”

“I dunno, love, but I am so happy you did. I love you so much. I belong with you.”

“Never leave me again!” he growled playfully.

“I won’t,” you replied, completely in earnest. “I promise.”

“Well, that’s a promise I will hold you to.”

“As long as you promise to love me, that will be enough.”

And Sirius kissed you to seal your promises to each other, knowing that this time you would both be overjoyed to keep these vows for the rest of your lives.


	27. Survivor's Guilt

Fucking hell, but you hated this house.

Not even counting all of the horrors your best friend had endured when he lived here, the place was dirty, smelly, filled with dark magic and creepy decor and it always seemed to be cold.

You tried to be a good, supportive friend. You knew that as much as you loathed setting foot in this bloody mausoleum, Sirius hated it that much more, and what’s more, he was stuck here. At least you could leave if you wanted to; he had no such relief.

You had argued with Dumbledore about this. For the first time in the twenty-odd years, you had raised your voice to your old Headmaster and the current leader of The Order of the Phoenix. He knew some small portion of the hell Sirius’ family had put him through in this house, yet he still essentially imprisoned him here.

You had argued until you were hoarse that anywhere was better for Sirius. He argued that his father’s paranoia could finally be of use to his son. You argued that Sirius’ own paranoia had helped him escape an inescapable prison, protect his godson and find the traitor who had betrayed his best friends, committed mass murder and pin both horrific crimes on Sirius and stay clear of Aurors with a fucking Hippogriff in tow. He would be fine somewhere slightly less protected and imminently less destructive to his mental health.

In the end, Sirius had volunteered the Black residence for The Order with the expectation that he would actually be involved. Dumbledore’s orders kept him locked up in his childhood hell, quite the opposite of his assumption of going on missions and being near Harry.

So you spent every free moment with Sirius. It really was no sacrifice. You had been very close friends all through Hogwarts and during the First Wizarding War. As one of the few females of his acquaintance who didn’t swoon whenever he entered the room, your friendship was one of the few he felt completely certain of, especially since James was gone.

There was nothing you didn’t share at school, from pranks to romantic entanglements. You had even passed out in the same bed a few times. When you were still at Hogwarts, people had often joked that the two of you were going to wind up together, to which you would say, “Merlin, no! I know him way too well for that!” Or he would say, “Godric, that would be like kissing m’sister!”

Unfortunately, fourteen years apart had effectively removed the taboo feeling of romantic intentions toward Sirius. You were finally seeing him as a man, a handsome, sexy, intelligent, sexy man.

You wanted your best friend. What a bloody nightmare.

* * *

You entered Grimmauld, a sensation of bleah oozing over your skin like creepy crawlies. You tiptoed past the portrait of Walburga Black, flipping the V at her drapery as you went by. There were few people in your life that you despised more than that atrocity of a human being.

You peeked in on Buckbeak, bowing and walking over to pet his feathery head and then put his ferret snacks down for him to devour.

You ascended a couple more flights of stairs to Sirius’ bedroom and opened the door without knocking. He was sound asleep on his stomach, tangled in his sheets and snoring quietly.

He had been back in Grimmauld for a week or so and he had fallen into a bad habit of drinking and sleeping. You decided that he needed to start doing something with his days, so you showed up early to drag him out of bed.

You walked over and sat down next to him. Merlin, he was so handsome you ached for him. How did this happen? Perhaps growing up together had rendered you incapable of seeing him as a man and not just as a friend, but you were all grown up and you definitely had more than friendly feelings toward him now.

You reached out and stroked his hair gently. “Sirius, wake up, love.”

He groaned and buried his face deeper into his pillows.

“Padfoot! Wanna play fetch? C’mon, boy!”

One eye opened and he huffed irritably, “That joke wasn’t funny twenty years ago and it isn’t funny now.”

“I think it’s hilarious,” you said with a giggle.

He squirmed a bit. “Oh, scratch my back, darling,” he groaned.

You rolled your eyes and started scratching his bare back with both hands as he moaned happily, putting those less than platonic thoughts into your head again. “Been wondering for more than twenty years if you love me for my sparkling wit and personality or just my fingernails.”

“Mmmm can’t help it, love. Y’can’t blame a man for liking the feel of a beautiful woman’s nails on his back,” he looked back and said with a leer. “Lower.”

You rolled your eyes and scratched lower. He said it a couple more times until to go any lower would have had you scratching his bum. “You can scratch your own arse, Black,” you said, slapping the aforementioned bottom.

“Killjoy.”

“That’s me,” you agreed cheerfully. “Now get up and get in the shower.”

Sirius needed a moment to redistribute the blood that was currently located in his cock. Your hands on him combined with natural morning wood had made him hard as a rock. Over the years, he had imagined your nails on his back while he sunk into you over and – well that wasn’t helping at all. Sirius thought about his mother and started to deflate immediately.

When his erection had gone, he rolled over and said, “Fine, I’ll go shower. I won’t blame you if you watch me walk in there.” With that he whipped back his blankets and you closed your eyes quickly – but not before getting a bit of a look.

Bloody hell.

* * *

You were sitting on his bed reading a book and waiting for him to get out of the shower. You’d made him take clothes with him so he wouldn’t flash you, so you felt safe from him waving his naughty bits at you again.

The bathroom door opened and he emerged in his boxers. “Where are all my jumpers?” he asked.

You sighed. “A few items of note: I am neither your mother nor your housekeeper, so I do not have active knowledge of your wardrobe. And a better question than the location of your jumpers might in fact be the location of your trousers, because I cannot help but notice that you’re not currently wearing any.”

Sirius shivered. “Bloody good thing you’re not my mother,” he said.

“Indeed. Why are you nearly naked, Padfoot?”

“Because I can’t find a jumper. Do try and follow along, love.”

“Have you started wearing jumpers on your arse then?”

“No, dearest, I have not. I forgot to take a shirt into the loo with me, so I came out to get one.”

“Yet you still haven’t explained your lack of trousers.”

Sirius grinned. “You’ve been so sweet keeping me company that I decided to give you a treat.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Sirius. I’ll be downstairs when you get dressed. Perhaps you can endeavor to act your age, too.”

You got up and left the room, quickly and quietly going downstairs, Sirius’ hearty chuckles following along after you.

He wasn’t certain, but it seemed like perhaps you had finally gotten on board the love train. Or at least the lust train. But, surely after all these years any feelings of desire would have to be based in love. Right? At least that’s how it had happened for him.

He hadn’t even realized it until after school when you were both in the first Order of the Phoenix, but he found himself fancying you to bits and completely at a loss for what to do. He’d decided not to do anything until after the war – and then it had been too late.

Sirius frowned to think about all that had happened. He immediately felt guilty for being momentarily happy. He had been responsible for James and Lily dying and leaving Harry an orphan. And then he hadn’t even been able to keep his head about him to execute their wishes and raise Harry, faffing off to chase Peter rather than taking care of Harry as he had promised.

Sirius shoved his legs into jeans and pulled on a jumper and boots, good mood fled. He wondered if there was any firewhiskey.

* * *

Sirius made his way down to the kitchen, following the smell of bacon cooking. His stomach began to growl, but he didn’t feel like he deserved to eat good smelling food cooked by a beautiful woman with whom he was in love.

“Hey,” you said with a smile. “How do you want your eggs?”

He went over to the cupboard and rummaged around until he came up with a bottle of firewhiskey, then turned without a word and left the kitchen.

“Sirius?” you called after him. You flicked your wand at the food to keep it from burning and followed after him. “Padfoot, what’s wrong?”

“Go away, Y/N,” he said quietly when you caught up with him going into Buckbeak’s room with his booze.

“I will not! You were in a good mood from flashing me when I left your room. How did you manage to need to binge drink in the three minutes since then?” you asked in exasperation.

Sirius spun to face you. “I don’t deserve to arse around with you and have a good time! I don’t deserve to laugh! I don’t deserve…,” he sobbed here, completely losing control. “I don’t deserve to live. They should be here!”

You hurried over and pulled him into your arms. “Oh, love, no no no!” you soothed. “It wasn’t your fault!! How could any of us have believed that fucking little rat Peter would do such a thing?”

Sirius buried his face into the crook of your neck, folding his frame to hold you close, shaking with his sobs. You stroked his back and his hair, crying with him.

When he settled down some, he pulled away and said, “Merlin’s bollocks, bet that was sexy. How are you keeping your hands off me right now?”

You cradled his face in your hands and made him look at you. “Gonna say some things. You listening?”

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“One: what happened wasn’t your fault. It was that little piece of shit Wormtail’s fault for being a faithless little traitor. D’ya hear me?”

“I should have been the Secret Keeper, Y/N,” he said thickly, like he was pushing the words past a knot of grief in his throat. “Or Dumbledore. I thought I was so fucking smart and I just served them up to Voldemort!”

“You had the very best of intentions, love. None of us saw what he was. You do not bear this burden alone!”

“My intentions don’t matter, they’re dead!” he raged.

“But you’re not!”

“I should be,” he whispered harshly.

“No. You shouldn’t be. Peter should be. And you need to quit getting arse over tits drunk and grieve. Merlin, Sirius, you have lived through some of the worst things anyone could ever be expected to survive! Let yourself feel the pain and let go of the guilt and live.”

“The guilt will always be with me,” he scoffed.

“Then how can you live up to the promise you made to James and Lily? You have to deal with this shit or you’ll never be able to take care of Harry,” you said quietly. “And incidentally, I blame Dumbledore for taking Harry away from you. You would have handled things a lot fucking differently if you’d had that baby in your arms.

“And to give that sweet, innocent baby to those awful fucking people…I don’t know how that man can look at himself in the mirror with what he did to you two by keeping you apart,” you said with vehement anger.

Sirius was taken aback by your anger, mostly because it wasn’t focused at him.

“You really mean that, don’t you?” he asked incredulously.

“Of course. I always believed in you, Sirius. You didn’t deserve what happened. None of you did. We were just kids, love!”

“Just kids.”

“We were. You were.”

Sirius took a deep, shaky breath and then pulled you close. “Thank you, darling.”

You smiled at him and then pulled him out of Buckbeak’s room. “I’m feeding you. Come on!”

* * *

You got him to eat and then you handled him carefully for the rest of the day, staying with him but keeping it low key. He had to deal with a lot of memories and grief that Azkaban hadn’t allowed him to do more than relive, not move through and learn how to be the one who survived.

So you made it a habit to spend all the time you could with him, even taking holiday from work so that he didn’t have to be penned into his childhood hell alone – which you considered another gift from Dumbledore. The more you thought about it the more you felt like Dumbledore used Sirius as a pawn in his sick little game with Voldemort, just as he was using Harry.

You looked down at the dark head in your lap, his face peaceful with a slight smile and his eyes closed while you twirled his hair around your fingers as you read. Sirius might be expendable to Dumbledore, but by Godric, he was the man you loved and he was the most important person in the world to you.

Perhaps someday you’d have to tell him that.

You quietly talked about the things you had done as a group at Hogwarts, focusing on the good times with James and Lily before dealing with a bit of his grief.

He was depending less and less on the bottle and accepting that whether he deserved it or not, he was alive.

He was even joking around with you again. It seemed that he was willing to accept that the living had to live.

* * *

You were in the kitchen at Grimmauld Place putting something together for Sirius and you to eat. If you weren’t there he had a tendency to skip his meals, so you tried to get him to eat as often as possible.

He came shuffling into the kitchen and said, “G’morning.”

You looked over his shoulder and saw him, barefoot, wet hair in a messy tail, jeans riding low on his hips and a t-shirt in his hands to put on. Your eyes were drawn to the bare expanse of his chest, cursing yourself for lusting after your best friend.

“Ahem. My eyes are up here.”

You gasped in mortification and turned back to the counter. “I thought I saw grey hair on your chest and was gonna make an old man joke,” you said lamely.

Sirius snickered and came over to hop up on the counter next to where you were working, shirt hanging over his shoulder. He leaned back a bit to display the goods to his best advantage and said, “It’s alright if you want a look-see. Who could blame you? I am magnificent.”

“Merlin, I just now figured out why you never wear hats. You always said you didn’t want to mess up your hair, but the truth is they don’t make hats big enough for your gigantic, swollen head, do they?”

Sirius threw his head back and laughed, then put his shirt on. “Sorry, love. I’ll keep covered in deference to your uncontrollable hunger for me.”

“Hey, y’don’t see me goin’ round with me jubblies bouncing around, do ya?” you asked sarcastically.

“No, but feel free to do so. I am all about gender equality,” he purred with a wicked grin.

“Go set the table, shitwit.”

Sirius hopped down and said, “Who’ll be here?”

“Just us as far as I know.”

“Perfect. I’ll light some candles.”

“Arse.”

* * *

The little shite actually did set the table with candles and dimmed the lights.

“You are such a nob, Sirius. Here I am spending my valuable time with you so y'don’t get lonesome and you’re teasing me mercilessly.”

Sirius just chuckled. “Dinner smells good.”

“And if you want any you better shape up.”

“Looked like you liked my current shape in the kitchen,” he said with a laugh.

“Ugh. I can’t believe I come here every day for this abuse.”

“You could move in here, y’know,” he whispered. “Save some time commuting.”

“Would you like that?” you asked tentatively.

“Merlin, yes. I want you with me all the time.”

“What?” you asked, not seeing the humor. “That’s not funny, Sirius.”

“I may be playing a bit, but I’m not teasing you. And I don’t just want anyone with me to keep me from getting lonely. I want you. In every way possible.”

“Every…every way…possible?” you stammered.

Sirius came to stand in front of you, barely any space between you. “Every. Way. Possible.”

“So…like different sex positions, or…?”

Sirius face brightened with delight and he laughed uproariously. Meantime, you were embarrassed and started to leave the room.

“Wait, wait! No, that’s not what I meant. I meant, best friend, person who keeps me sane, lover, partner, wife, mother of my children maybe, if you want kids. I like the sex ideas though. I’ll definitely add that to the list.”

“Where did all this come from?” you whispered, stunned.

“All this what?” Sirius replied with a smirk.

“This sweet, romantic guy. Where has he been hiding, eh?”

Sirius shrugged. “Been here all along, just waiting for you to notice me.”

You cradled his face in your hands and looked up into his eyes before barely brushing your lips across his. “How could anyone ever not notice you, Black?

“Well, Ms. Y/L/N, what do you say?”

“This isn’t just because I’m the only woman you have contact with, right?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I should turn you over my knee!” he growled, vexed.

“Well, let’s not rule anything out,” you said with a smile and a wink.

Sirius laughed his mirthful barking guffaw and you joined in with your own chuckles. Sirius looked at you fondly and thought that maybe, just maybe he deserved to have a life. He would do his damndest to be deserving of the life that you were offering to share with him and be forever grateful for this second chance. Very few people got second chances like he was being offered and Sirius pulled you into a kiss and decided that he was going to do his best to deserve your trust and honor the trust that James and Lily gave him with Harry.

“I love you, Y/N,” he said happily.

You gasped happily and threw yourself at Sirius. “I love you, too, Sirius,” you said as you lovingly kissed the man you intended to spend the rest of your life with. 


	28. Worth the Wait

**1978**

You were late. No, you weren’t just late, you were laaaaate. Professor McGonagall was going to be so angry with you! And you might even get detention, or worse, lose house points! All because of a boy.

Well…not a boy. Sirius Black was a man. You might only be second year and he was graduating this year, but you were fairly certain he was your soulmate. The age difference didn’t concern you since you assumed that he would take a while longer than many to settle down after school. He might not even realize it, but he would wait for you to grow up.

But you had come across him sitting in an alcove, deep in thought as he stared out the window. You stood there looking at him dreamily and lost track of time. Apparently he had a free period after lunch, but you had Transfiguration. When you realized how late you were, you tiptoed away and then set off at a dead sprint, hoping to mitigate the offense by hurrying now that you had your head out of the clouds.

_Or in the stars, I suppose_ , you thought.  _Since Sirius is named after a star._

Unfortunately, thinking of him distracted you again and you forgot to jump the trick step on the moving staircase. You awkwardly slid into the trick step with one leg while the other foot tried to correct your balance, causing you to slip awkwardly into the stair with one leg and fall sideways with the other behind you. When you felt a searing agony accompanied by a crunch, you let out a pained shriek, tears springing into your eyes and trailing down your cheeks as the pain washed over you.

As you tried to pull yourself out of the stair, you felt hands on your shoulders and looked behind you to see Sirius.

“Hold still, love, let me have a look,” he said quietly.

You were in so much pain you didn’t even swoon that Sirius Black was touching you and called you ‘love.’ You hissed in pain when he touched your leg and he pulled his hand away and quickly wiped it on his trousers. “Well, darling, you certainly do know how to save me from boredom!” he said cheerfully to cover the concern he felt. “Now, your leg is broken and we need to get you to Madame Pomfrey. And it is going to hurt like nothing you’ve felt before, but then I’ll take you to her as soon as I can, alright?”

You nodded, not wanting to sob your words.

“Darling, you’re being very brave. Now, put your arms around my neck, there you are,” he said as you complied. “Now I’m going to put my arm under your legs and stand up, and it’s going to hurt so you just scream if you need to. I listen to music so loud that I’m halfway deaf already, so you can’t hurt me.”

You nodded again and whispered, “Thank you, Sirius.”

His eyes softened. “You’re welcome, Y/N,” he whispered back. “Ready?”

At your nod, he counted to three and lifted you up, guiding your leg out of the hole as he stood.

You squeaked but bit your lip to stifle a scream. When Sirius had you in his arms and turned to go to hospital, you panted and hid your face against his strong chest.

“You’re doing so well, love,” he crooned to you, walking quickly but smoothly as to avoid jarring you overmuch. “You’re being so bloody brave.”

When he got to the hospital wing, Madame Pomfrey took one look at your leg and said, “To the treatment room, Mr. Black.”

She went over to the potion cabinet and poured some in a cup and brought it to you, asking Sirius to help you sit up enough to drink. After you swallowed it all, she said, “There now, dear. You just drift off to sleep and i’m going to go send off a message to your parents. Sirius, will you stay with her?” she asked, confident he was a capable sick room companion after all the times he had been here with Remus.

“Course,” he answered, then smiled down at you and smoothed your hair. “Not gonna leave your side, love.”

The pain was fading and you were feeling warm and floaty from the potion, and Sirius was smiling at you and you grinned a dopey grin at him and whispered, “D'ya wanna know a secret?”

“I absolutely do,” he whispered back.

“I’m going to marry you when I grow up,” you whispered, then drifted off into a pleasant, drugged sleep.

Sirius smiled at you, thinking what a brave, adorable girl you were. You would probably forget him well before you were finished growing up. He leaned forward and kissed your forehead and whispered, “Doubt I could get that lucky, love, but here’s hoping.”

* * *

**July, 1995**

You were walking with your co-worker, Kingsley Shacklebolt. You had been pestering him for details on the search for Sirius Black as he was the Lead Auror on the case, to the point that you had become friends. You worked in the same department but as an analyst while he was an Auror.

It was early July when he approached you to join him in a meeting of a secret group who wanted to find You-Know-Who and his followers and bring them to justice. You remembered how terrifying the First Wizarding War had been, had even lost some friends that fought against Death Eaters while you were still in school. You had planned to join the fight when you graduated, but it had ended before you had graduated.

Your heart sank to think how it had ended and how Sirius had suffered because of it. You could never reconcile yourself with the idea that he had betrayed James Potter. It had taken almost a year for you to admit to Kingsley that you had doubts that he was guilty, which was only half dragon dung. You absolutely did not believe Sirius Black betrayed the Potters. He loved James more than himself.

But how to tell the Wizarding community that someone you barely knew but had adored from afar when you were in school at the same time for all of two years could not possibly be guilty? “No, Minister, I was a little creep and studied him as much as possible. He’s a good person and considered James Potter his brother.” You’d have been laughed out of England!

The tiny, unimportant detail that he probably had no memory of you whatsoever was also a bit stalker-y. “Here’s the woman whose testimony freed you, Mr. Black.” “Who in Merlin’s pants is she?” Perfect.

In any case, you doubted you’d ever be called in to stand witness. Since his escape, he had been a ghost, flitting in and out of Hogwarts like no one was looking for him, easily escaping the filthy clutches of dementors. You had been inordinately happy to hear that he had slipped the noose again, though the whole matter had been hushed up within the walls of the Ministry even more quickly than in the news. Minister Fudge did not care for having his failures paraded about and even a whisper of Sirius Black’s name was enough to stall a promotion for decades.

You doubted that you’d ever even see the fugitive again, let alone live happily ever after with him.

“Are you sure you want to do this, Y/N?” Kingsley asked you for about the tenth time this evening. “There’s no going back from it.”

“I’m sure. He has to be stopped. I’m in this, I promise.”

“Alright then,” he said, handing you a piece of paper. “Read it, memorize it, destroy it.”

You looked at the paper and saw the words 12 Grimmauld Place written. As you looked up, the townhouses before you transformed to add another building.

“Merlin,” you breathed. “That’s some fancy spellwork right there. Headmaster Dumbledore’s handiwork?”

“He beefed it up some but the original owners put a lot of the spellwork in place,” he replied as you approached the front door. “Be quiet in this corridor. Mad painting.”

Your entire body vibrated with questions, but you were entering the house and if you knew one thing about Kingsley, it was that he didn’t waste words in nonsense.

You followed him down a dark hallway, and what you could see of the decor was what you would classify as Baroque Death Eater. Someone either really liked snakes or was compensating.

The cobwebs and smell of rotting fabric and mildew were sensations for the eyes and nose. The floor creaked and you heard skittering in the walls. Honestly, the house was a perception buffet. You hoped you didn’t have to taste or touch much of anything to complete the full boat of awareness. You couldn’t imagine that you’d make a very good impression running away screaming like a toddler with a bogey on her finger.

You followed Kingsley down a set of stairs and entered a marginally more inviting kitchen. It at least appeared to have been threatened with soap and water if not yet assaulted with a bucket and brush. There was a long table, scarred with generations of use, surrounded by a dozen or so chairs.

And there at the head of the table sat the man of your dreams, your knight in shining armor, Sirius Black. You instantly were transported in time to the shy twelve year old girl who was madly in love with an older man but always had faith that somehow you would get your chance with him.

* * *

Sirius heard your slight gasp and looked up from his conversation with Remus to find a somewhat familiar face looking at him as if he was the second coming of Merlin himself. He looked over at Remus who shrugged subtly to convey that he didn’t know who you were, so they both stood to greet you.

“Hello, Kingsley,” Sirius said, shaking his hand, followed by Remus. “Who do we have here?”

Sirius had been watching you and damned if you didn’t look disappointed. Merlin, he hoped you weren’t a girl he had shagged at Hogwarts. Regardless of whether it was a memory taken by a dementor, women seemed to become offended when he couldn’t recall them.

“Y/N Y/L/N, this is Sirius Black and Remus Lupin.”

You extended your hand and shook each of theirs in turn, still feeling the same surge of excitement along with something else when your skin met Sirius’. “Hello, it’s good to see you both again, though if you don’t remember me I certainly understand. I was five years behind you.”

Sirius’ eyes lit up in recognition. “Y/N! The trick step!”

“Yes, you helped me. I don’t know if I even thanked you properly!” you exclaimed, ridiculously happy that he remembered you.

“You did, love,” he said sweetly, the memory of your adorable declaration bringing a genuine smile to his face.

“Well, I’m so happy to see you out of that horrible place!” you gushed.

“She has been badgering me since you escaped for updates. Seems she never believed that you were guilty,” Kingsley announced, nudging you with his elbow. “I had no idea you actually knew each other.”

“I wouldn’t say we knew each other. He just rescued me when I hurt my knee. It was a mess, dunno what I would have done if he hadn’t heard me crying like a baby,” you said self-deprecatingly.

“Nonsense, you were very brave. A true Gryffindor, through and through,” he said, smiling kindly.

“Well, if it isn’t Miss Y/L/N,” a nasally voice sneered from the doorway. “I certainly hope you aren’t here to offer your Potions expertise to the group or I fear we shall all perish.”

You swung your eyes to the source of the voice. “Snape,” you spat. “I certainly hope you aren’t still torturing students to compensate for your sad lack of anything remotely close to a sex life.”

“How dare you –” he began.

“No, how dare you? You were my professor but you aren’t now and I’ll not be spoken to in the snide, condescending way you teach your students anymore. You are a monster and I have no idea how any sane human could ever see an iota of worth in your useless carcass.”

Sirius, Remus and Kingsley we’re watching the exchange with slack jaws, not interrupting. They really weren’t sure what to do in any case.

Snape drew back to respond but stopped when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He stepped aside and Dumbledore entered the room. “Y/N, how lovely it is to see you again,” he said with a pleasant smile. “Isn’t it marvelous how people can put aside their differences to work together toward a common goal?”

“It is very nice indeed to see you, Headmaster Dumbledore. Snape, however,” you bit out, “entered the room with his usual pleasant disposition in high gear. I am not a school girl to accept his abuse with nary a word now, Sir. If that is the expectation, perhaps my services can be best used elsewhere.”

Dumbledore smiled at you, and you were certain you saw a note of pride in his expression. “No, indeed. Severus, let us leave the past where it belongs, shall we?”

“Of course,” Snape replied with an insincere smile, but his eyes shot daggers.

“Well then,” you said, smiling innocently, “I suppose if he leaves his personality at the door there may be a chance of working together successfully.”

“Splendid,” said Dumbledore quickly, speaking over Snape’s indignant breath drawn to volley a verbal return.

You and Snape shared a look before you turned away and saw the stunned faces of the three men you had been conversing with before Snape’s arrival. They still had shocked looks, though Sirius’ face seemed at least as happy as surprised.

“So, Y/N,” Kingsley said drily, “not a fan of Snape?”

You chuckled, embarrassed and still wound up from the encounter. “He’s a horrendous teacher. He uses terror tactics on young children. I have never seen anyone so ill-suited to teaching. I actually begged my parents to transfer me to Beauxbaton after he started.”

Sirius was reeling from the urge to pull you into his arms and protect you from Snape. You clearly didn’t need any help, but his instinct was to protect you just the same. Perhaps you had imprinted on his heart when you had declared you were going to marry him all those years ago.

“Well, we’ll be sure not to partner you up with him for missions,” Kingsley said, laughing with Remus at the idea.

Sirius said, “She’s to run missions?”

“She’s standing right here,” you said through your teeth. “She can answer questions about herself.”

“Down, kitten,” he said, hands up in a surrender position. “I was just worried.”

You smiled ruefully, embarrassed again. “Sorry, I guess I’m still wound up from talking to Ooze.” You got a worried look on your face then and said, “Merlin, are you all friends with him?”

All three of them burst out laughing so inappropriately that Dumbledore shot a dirty look over at you. They attempted to swallow their guffaws, and Kingsley said, “Ah, no, Y/N, we aren’t exactly close. We,” he said, indicating himself, Remus and Sirius, “shared a dormitory for seven years. Snape was as close to an arch-nemesis as one could have at school.”

“Believe me, the twat hasn’t lost his touch,” you said quietly and bitterly.

Sirius got a wide grin on his face. “Did you call him Ooze?”

Your eyes grew big and your hand flew up to cover your mouth. “I did, yes,” you whispered. “Better break that habit, eh?”

“Not on my account, love,” Sirius said with a snicker.

* * *

You all felt the sobriety of the situation and settled down to pay attention to the meeting. The traditional introductions were made and then the state of the wizarding community was discussed.

Sirius was extremely familiar with the state of things, however, and felt free to drift a bit. Merlin, but you had bloomed. You had been a lovely child, of course, but he supposed he hadn’t considered an eventuality where you would actually work together as adults.

Sirius was man enough to admit that he loved the way you looked at him, both at Hogwarts and here tonight. You still looked at him like he truly was the brightest star in the sky and not just named after it. No one had seen him that way in a long time. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had looked at him with anything but fear, pity or disdain.

Sirius glanced over at you, a few seats away next to Kingsley and caught you looking at him. You looked away immediately, embarrassed, but the next time he looked over you were peeking again. Sirius realized that maybe, perhaps you might still have a crush on him.

His gut said a resounding, ‘Yes!’ His brain, however said, 'You aren’t worthy of a sweet girl like that! She deserves a younger, better man. One who isn’t broken and doesn’t crawl into a bottle just to get through the night.’

Sirius had learned not to follow his gut the hard way. He wasn’t going to drag you down into the muck that was his life.

* * *

After the meeting, you milled around with Kingsley, hoping to talk to Sirius again but he disappeared immediately. Both Remus and Kingsley seemed surprised at his absence.

“That’s odd,” Remus said, looking around for his friend. “Sirius has been so starved for company, I can’t imagine why he’d disappear with a possibility of human interaction.”

“Oh,” you whispered.

Remus and Kingsley heard you and looked at you and then each other. You could tell that they wanted to refute your claim, but in all honesty were unable to think of another reason why the hyper-social man would leave a gathering.

“I should be going” you said, reaching out to shake Remus’ hand. “It was lovely getting reacquainted, Mr. Lupin. Kingsley, I will see you tomorrow at the office.”

You walked up the stairs with your head held high, trying not to let it bother you if Sirius had, indeed, left the meeting as soon as he could because you were there. You were embarrassed, certainly, but you had done nothing to offend him and if he left simply to get away from you then he was cutting off his nose to spite his face.

Once you were up the steps and away from prying eyes, though, you covered your mouth to stifle a sob. Didn’t seem like you were going to get a chance to fulfill your childhood dream after all.

* * *

Sirius stood up on a landing, covered in shadows. He saw you walk quickly and quietly out the front door, the first to go. Your shoulders had been hunched protectively and he was almost certain he’s heard a noise suspiciously like a sob. Had he hurt you?

He wanted to go down the stairs and run after you, explain to you that you could do so much better, that he wasn’t the boy you had put up on a pedestal all those years ago. He was a shell of a man that had been gutted by Azkaban. He had escaped two years ago and he still doubted that he was free – he worried that this was all an elaborate hallucination brought about by the dementors driving him beyond the brink of sanity.

But a larger part of him wanted to let you try to fix him, to help pull him back to sanity. He had only been back in this Merlin-forsaken hellhole for a couple weeks and he already wondered if the bed sheets were too rotted to knot into a rope to hang himself.

After you closed the door quietly, he waited and watched the rest of the Order file out after you, then went back down to the kitchen to talk to Remus.

“Where did you disappear to, mate?” Remus asked.

“Oh, had…something,” he said vaguely.

“Ah,” said Remus shrewdly. “We thought it might have been something to do with Y/N being another one of your annoying Hogwarts fans. I recall how they irritated you in school.”

“She’s not like that,” Sirius snapped. “You weren’t there when she was hurt. She was a really sweet girl.”

“I’m not the one who took off without talking to her,” Remus returned. “She was disappointed.”

“Yeah.”

“So, why?”

“She looked at me like she did at Hogwarts,” Sirius said quietly, walking over to a cabinet to look for a bottle of firewhiskey.

“What’s so terrible about that?” Remus asked kindly.

“I’m not him anymore. Fuck, I dunno if I ever was,” he said as he found a bottle and opened it, then took a long drink. “She needs to know that I’m not worthy of her.”

“She could be a serial killer for all you know, Padfoot.”

“You don’t believe that any more than I do. No,” he continued resolutely, “I’ll just stay away from her. She’ll get the hint eventually.”

“Women always do,” Remus said sarcastically, ignoring the dirty look Sirius shot him.

* * *

When you got home, you cried a bit for knowing that Sirius apparently disliked you so much that he went out of his way to avoid you. That his friends were completely flummoxed by his behavior was telling; Sirius Black had been alone with his memories for so long that he was desperate for company. Sacrificing his actual human interaction opportunities to get away from you – well, that stung. You considered for a moment not returning to the Order.

But then you decided you were a damned delight and Sirius Black was being a jackass. Not only were you going to go to the next meeting, you were going to bake!

* * *

You made six different kinds of cookies and two kinds of brownies. There were so many sweets on the table that there was barely room for maps and papers. By the time Sirius graced the group with his presence, everyone had a baked good of some variety in front of them. He sat down next to Remus and grabbed a treat, taking a bite and saying, “Molly, this is delicious, thanks!”

Molly smiled and said, “Y/N made them, actually.”

He looked over at you and you smiled at him and said, “Don’t worry, it’s not poisoned.”

* * *

Sirius could tell you were upset. You refrained from looking at him for the rest of the meeting. As an intelligence analyst, you had quite a few questions leveled your way and you answered them carefully and thoughtfully. He admired your intelligence, as well as your baking. And your smile, and your beauty.

Remus caught him looking your way more than once and gave him a knowing smile, but Sirius refused to acknowledge his superiority. Remus might know Sirius well enough to recognize that he wanted you, but he wasn’t going to do something so selfish and stupid as to tie you down to a fugitive who was probably not entirely sane.

And you took the hint nicely. You made no further attempts to talk to him that week or the next. You were polite and friendly to everyone but him and Snape. It rankled him mightily to be in the same category as Snivellus for any reason, but he soldiered through.

The worst part was that he genuinely liked you. He had admired your courage when you had gotten hurt as a child, and he had been friendly when he had seen you after that. You were a cheerful, kind girl who had grown into a kind, beautiful woman. And Merlin help him, he wanted you.

* * *

A few meetings passed. You appeared to have gotten over your tiny little case of puppy-love for Sirius. You didn’t bother him and he didn’t leave meetings as soon as they ended as if his arse was on fire. It was a bit ridiculous for him to do it, really. You certainly mustn’t have been all that infatuated if he got rid of you that quickly. He was actually a bit embarrassed to think of his behavior. Perhaps you hadn’t been infatuated at all, in fact. You may have simply been happy to see him free and doing well.

And if that was the case, he had not only made a fool of himself, he had been a rude prick while he did it.

* * *

You arrived at the next meeting a bit early, hoping to have a moment alone with Dumbledore. You didn’t see a reason for you to continue to attend meetings. Actually, you wanted to convince him that you could be of value to the group without attending meetings. You were more than happy to pass any valuable information you may come across to Kingsley, but you were never going to go out on missions and therefore saw your only value to the Order as someone who could pass along intelligence, and your presence at Grimmauld wasn’t necessary to do so.

As you tiptoed down the hallway to the kitchen steps, you overheard Remus say your name.

“You’re being foolish, Padfoot! Y/N is a lovely woman that seems to have bad enough taste to be attracted to you. Perhaps you should give yourself a chance to be happy!”

You stopped dead at the sound of Remus’ raised voice saying your name. A quiet voice replied, but you couldn’t make out their words. Who was Padfoot that you were thought to be attracted to?

“That’s ridiculous and you know it!”

“Well what the fuck do you recommend, Moony?” Sirius responded hotly. Padfoot? “Yes, she’s beautiful and intelligent and I would grab her with both hands if I deserved her, but I am not going to saddle her with a broken-down fugitive who is one step ahead of the dementor’s kiss! I won’t do that to her.”

Whoa. He wanted you. He was being noble by being a prick.

You retreated down the corridor, not sure what to do with this information but damn sure you didn’t want to get caught eavesdropping. You let yourself back out the door, walking across the street to think about what he said.

Sirius Black was attracted to you. He was worried about 'saddling’ you with a fugitive. That made you look at his behavior in a completely different light. If he was being rude to you in a misguided attempt to protect you, well, that was actually kind of – you weren’t sure, actually. But it was definitely better than him hating you. You neither liked nor approved of his methods, but his motivation was actually not horrible.

Sirius Black liked you and hated himself, essentially. You thought it was a bit premature for him to be running you off, though. Who knows, maybe you’d get to know each other and find that there was no real spark.

But you still wanted to find out. And he deserved some happiness in his life, even if it wasn’t with you.

You decided to chip away at his resistance.

* * *

You returned to the meeting, having run up to a shop to purchase a Rolling Stone magazine. You recalled that Sirius had been a fan of Muggle music back in the day and thought he might like to catch up on some news that wasn’t dire and depressing. When you left you simply left the bag lay on the table, confident that it would find its way to Sirius.

This became your pattern. You brought a magazine or book or record and left it for him. He figured out quickly that it was you, and while he didn’t come out and thank you for them, there was a warmth to his gaze that was absent the first few meetings.

You knew that Sirius often found himself at loose ends during the day, so one morning you decided to take the afternoon off and take him lunch. You were actually quite worried that he would not accept your presence, but you were becoming tired of the ongoing impersonation of Father Christmas you had been doing for him.

You decided to get sandwiches from a wonderful deli you knew and then stopped for ice cream. You loaded up your purchases and headed to his house, nervous that he wouldn’t want to dine with you.

You tapped quietly on the door, waiting for someone to answer, but let yourself in when no one came to the door closed. You knew that Remus was often out during the day and hoped to catch Sirius alone.

You went down to the kitchen and put the ice cream in the freezer, then decided to put the sandwiches in the refrigerator. You were definitely running out of courage. You closed the door to the refrigerator and turned around, then jumped about a foot and made a very dignified squeak sound.

Sirius tilted his head in a canine listening pose, a slight smile on his face. He had been enjoying watching your bottom as you were bent over in the refrigerator. He was trying to be noble, but he wasn’t dead. A beautiful woman’s beautiful bum was a rare sight and he was going to enjoy it.

“Sirius!” you breathed, noticing the strange way he was looking at you. “Ah, I brought you some sandwiches and stuff.”

“Thanks,” he said quietly.

“You’re welcome,” you said with an awkward smile, fidgeting your fingertips against your legs, then grabbed your handbag off the table. “Guess I’ll see you at the next meeting.”

Sirius realized he was blocking the stairs when you stopped in front of him and looked up into his eyes. He started to speak, wanting to ask you to stay more than anything. Then he smiled and stepped aside, both of you sighing as you passed.

* * *

You pretty much gave up on Sirius ever giving you a chance, but you still cared for him, so you continued with your one-woman cheer squad protocol. You would bake him a treat or buy him a magazine or book you thought he’d enjoy. You added a record or a book of crossword puzzles in occasionally. While the Weasleys were there, you bought several board games that kept the whole crew entertained, for which Molly was most grateful. You even joined in a few times when Ginny and Hermione begged to have another girl in the group.

You helped out occasionally in the clean up process as well, carefully staying out of Sirius’ way. You actually spent a good bit of time in his presence, albeit among the group. He always showed a cheerful face to the Order and all of his houseguests, but you could see that he was losing his spark; being in his childhood residence was getting to him. You ached for the boy who had been forced to live here as a child and the man who was being held here as if still a prisoner.

You had no way of knowing, of course, but Sirius was actually head over heels for you. He wished that he was a regular bloke and the world wasn’t on fire. He wished that you would give up on trying to get closer to him, because there was nothing he wanted more or felt he deserved less.

* * *

The kids had been back to school for a couple months, and you had watched Sirius’ spirits decline while at the same time his consumption of spirits increased dramatically. It pained you to see him so down – yet there was little you could do.

His birthday was the following week, though, and you decided to try and do something special for him.

You caught Dumbledore after a meeting and informed him if your plans. He wasn’t thrilled, but he too could see Sirius’ flagging morale and knew he needed something. He had also seen the way the two of you looked at each other when one was looking away and he knew that you both had strong feelings for one another. So, he gave his blessing to your plan, though he was certain that you would have gone ahead with it regardless of his approval.

You bought party supplies, decorations, champagne, baked a cake and cooked some food in large quantities, then invited most of the Order to celebrate Sirius’ birthday.

Remus’ job was to keep Sirius away from the dining room and kitchen.

You were standing on a dining room chair trying to get a balloon attached just…so…to the corner of a banner that you’d had made for the wall over the cake table. You were singing a David Bowie song and didn’t hear the sliding doors open or the footsteps that brought Sirius directly behind you.

He watched you teeter for a moment, enjoying the view once again of your bum and legs in tight jeans, before he said, “Hello, Y/N.”

This time your undignified squeak was accompanied by losing your balance and falling backwards. Sirius leaned forward quickly and caught you in his arms like a hero in a Gothic novel.

“Bloody bloody bloody hell!” you shrieked, holding on to Sirius for dear life. “Don’t you know better than to sneak up on people?”

“It is my house, love,” he replied cheerfully. “I thought that gave me some leeway in where I could go within it.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Where is Remus? He’s supposed to be babysitting.”

“The loo, I believe. He was being entirely too kind and solicitous so I knew that something was afoot.”

“Next time I’ll have Moody mind you,” you grumbled. “Planning to put me down?”

“Eventually, I suppose. In a hurry?”

“Not at all, but I did rather think you were worried about catching something from me, the way you keep your distance,” you said tartly.

“Afraid I already caught it,” he said with a self-deprecating smile.

You looked at him strangely but decided not to ask. He was being friendly and you wanted to enjoy it while you could. “Happy birthday, Sirius,” you said, gently stroking his neck where you had your arm resting.

“Why are you so kind to me, Y/N?” he whispered.

“Because you give and give until you have nothing left for yourself. I wish you could see yourself as I see you. You’ve always been a wonderful friend and you – well you can’t possibly know how much I admire you.”

Sirius smiled sadly. “If only you were right, love,” he said, lowering your legs to the ground.

You looked into his eyes for a moment before you stepped back and broke your contact. “If only you – well, anyway. Let me get this finished up so I can change clothes. People will be arriving in a couple hours.”

He nodded and walked over to the door. “Thank you, Y/N,” he said, looking over his shoulder.

“Of course,” you said matter-of-factly.

* * *

Everyone had a lovely time, Sirius enjoyed the gathering and opening gifts and just having an evening of fun for a change. Food and drink were consumed and then after a few hours goodbyes were said.

You stayed behind to clean up and put away leftovers. You also wanted to give Sirius his gift privately. It wasn’t an especially personal gift, but it was a bit of a secret.

You heard Sirius say goodnight to the last of his guests and then reappeared in the room. You looked up and smiled, but then went back to work without speaking, trying to work up the nerve to give him the gift.

“I had a wonderful time tonight, Y/N, thank you,” he began a bit awkwardly.

You looked up from your task and smiled. “I’m glad.”

“Can I help with anything?”

“Absolutely not, you’re the birthday boy!” you said emphatically. “In fact – I have a gift for you.”

“Love, you’ve done so much already,” he began.

“Sirius Black, you deserve the best that life has to offer, and I will not hear another word on the subject,” you said, walking over to pull a card out of a drawer on the sideboard, then going over and handing it to him.

He looked at you for a moment, then accepted the card. He tore it open and found a funny card with absolutely no hint at feelings, then there was a small envelope within that contained tickets to a David Bowie concert at Wembley in a few weeks.

“Bowie?” he whispered. “Dumbles will never let me –.”

“It’s already cleared. Remus, Bill and I are going along to guard you, and I’ve gotten a Polyjuice Potion so you won’t be you.”

“Y/N,” he began. “This is amazing. Thank you, really.”

“I’m so happy you like it,” you sighed, relieved. “Bill will be my date and we’ll be a short distance from you so that we can keep an eye on things and Remus will stick with you. Hopefully better than he did this afternoon.”

“Sounds like you have it all planned out,” he said, forehead wrinkled in thought.

“Yes, I tried to cover all the details,” you said. “Is something wrong?”

Sirius took a deep breath and said, “There is one detail I would change.”

“Oh?”

“I would – I would prefer it if you were my date instead of Bill’s,” he said nervously.

“Really?” you asked, a huge smile lighting your face.

“If you want –,” he got out before you threw yourself into his arms, then immediately backed away.

“Wait, is this for logistical reasons?” you asked, dreading that you had misinterpreted his meaning.

“Logistically speaking I do not like the idea of you going as anyone’s date but my own. I’m crazy about you and I can’t fight this feeling any longer,” he said in a voice barely above a whisper. “And I hope I haven’t been reading more into your actions than you meant.”

You jumped into his arms again, wrapping your arms around his neck. “I doubt that you’ve read enough into them, Sirius. I absolutely adore you and have since I was twelve.”

Sirius pulled back to look into your eyes. “I’m not that boy any longer, Y/N.”

“I know, dear one,” you said. “I had a giant crush on that boy, but I have tremendous respect, admiration and affection for the man you’ve become. Don’t think I don’t know who you are, Sirius.”

Sirius cradled your face in his hands, then leaned forward and brushed his lips across yours. “Thank you for the best birthday gift I could ever dream of receiving, Y/N,” he said with a smile.

“It should be a good concert!” you said enthusiastically.

“I am looking forward to the concert, but the gift you give me every day is the best, most important and beautiful gift I have ever gotten. Thank you for believing in me and not giving up on me.”

“Sirius!” you exclaimed, hugging him close. “I will never give up on you!”

“Then, my darling, will you be my date for the concert, as well as allow me to try to make up for all the time I’ve wasted trying to keep you at arm’s length?”

“I do so much prefer it within your arms, you know,” you quipped. “However, knowing that you were attempting to protect me has made it nominally easier to handle the freeze-out.”

“Figured that out, hmm?”

“Mmm. Overheard you and Remus discussing it. Came at just the right time, though, because I was going to ask Dumbles if I needed to attend meetings.”

Sirius shivered a bit to know that he came that close to losing you forever. “I will never try to push you away again.”

“I could not ask for more.”

“I find that I’m a bit peckish. I do believe I’d like a bit more of that delicious cake you baked me.”

You gave him a quick peck on the lips and said, “Go get comfy and I’ll bring you a snack.”

“Thank you,” he said heartfully, for more than just the snacks.

“You’re welcome, dear one,” you whispered back. “And thank you, too.”

“For what, precisely?” he asked with an ornery grin.

“Why, for coming to your senses and accepting my heart.”

“Well, it was silly to resist. After all,” he said with an impish smile, “you did tell me all those years ago that you were going to marry me.”

“No!” you groaned, mortified. “I did no such thing!”

“You most certainly did, Madame. And I have decided to hold you to it.”

“A betrothal, then?” you said with a laugh.

“A verbal contract was made, Ms. Y/L/N,” he tsked. “I certainly hope that you do not intend to renege on your word?”

You made a fierce face while trying not to smile. “How dare you impugn my honor, Mr. Black! I demand that you challenge such a blackguard to a duel.”

“I fear that no matter which weapon I choose it shall always end in a draw. I shall concede that you do intend to honor your word.”

“Well, then, Mr. Black, let us choose a date.”

“Perhaps after we spend some more time together. I know that I want to be with you as much as humanly possible,” he said sincerely.

“As do I,” you said gently. “And of the eighty or so more of your birthdays we will celebrate together, I think that this one shall always hold a special place in my heart.”

“Mine too, for it was the fairy tale dream come true birthday where I received the best gift possible: you.”


End file.
